Getting Real 1-30-17
Over the last few months I have been doing some serious purging and not just the stuff around my house or in my closets. I been purging my life. Trying to minimizing things like clutter, feeling organized and previewing where I have been and where I want to actually be in my life. I have felt my guides pushing me to speak because I have a tendency to close off when things aren’t going the way I like. It’s never about me have nothing to say or choosing to say nothing, it’s that someday there is more to say then other days.
Over the last few months I have been doing some serious purging and not just the stuff around my house or in my closets. I been purging my life. Trying to minimizing things like clutter, feeling organized and previewing where I have been and where I want to actually be in my life. I have felt my guides pushing me to speak because I have a tendency to close off when things aren’t going the way I like. It’s never about me have nothing to say or choosing to say nothing, it’s that someday there is more to say then other days.
I have been feeling a push to speak
about the people I encounter and mostly like my own adventure in life. This past
Saturday I sat down and wrote 20 pages of crap that has been bother me or that I
have encountered. Starting with an Ex. that will not move on from me walking
away. I won’t go into the details on the drama of it all. But, it’s been 12+
years. It is story that would make a good soap opera of sorts, with all twist
and turns. Needless to say he been my worst enemy and the most influence in
seeing parts of myself that I did not know existed. It really sad when people do
the worst things to people out of love.
See I walked away from a relationship
that I need to be in because I didn’t realize that I was attracting the wrong
type of men or even relationship in general. Each relationship had a pattern to
it. These were toxic, controlling, co-depend and alcohol abuse or verbal and
then a physical abuse part to them. I had to own that they were part of me and
that I had to realize that I was repeating my childhood. As child and
empath that saw things and knew things without fully understand them, most of the
time. I learned early on to be quiet about them or told that I did not know
what I talking about. And this is also a pattern that has followed me my whole
life. I can’t tell you how many times that I have been told that I was wrong or
even verbal or physical attacked by people.
There is too many to count anymore. It’s
amazing that when we don’t understand something or someone we attack people as
wrong or any of the adjective the dictionary holds or we make up. I have had this notion in me, since I was small
that it’s not supposed to be this way. This world is as beautiful as the people
around us. It’s taking a long time for me to remember it and actual get it. I
was reminded of this yesterday. It’s uncanny that are blind spots and healing
go hand in hand. I watched a mother and her son walking to a neighbor’s apartment.
The other woman that she was walking towards to speak with said, to the little
boy” why are you so upset”. Now I have witness this little boy, who is maybe
four get yelled at for whatever reason and I understand that children can be
difficult because I have two of own. The thing with his little boy is he’s is
average size child living with a mother and two siblings who are little people.
I have observed this little boy numerous
times being scolded and not the kind that warrants this type of behavior. I
often pray for him and then yesterday I said to my guides please help the
mother see what she doing to this child. See we never fully understand our
action until we see it for ourselves. I thought to myself what could happen to
this child and then what has happened to me. We see our family and friends
travel down paths that do not have a good ending. Here is this little boy who
is being ridicule from the beginning. Now
you can just image where this little boy will be in a few years from now. We
wonder why people get involved with drugs and alcohol or the wrong people. Aren’t
we all looking to belong and be loved. It starts somewhere and mostly times it
passes from generation to the next one and on and on it goes.
If I look back on my own life I can
see the mistakes and the wrong turns and the one’s I completely avoided. We are
all looking for family and friends to connect too. Who love us for being who we
are. I have had to make some hard choices to walk away from people who were my
family and take responsible that I lived from a place of other people belief’s.
If there is one lesson that I could teach anyone is that you have to love and
support your-self regardless of what others may think of you or say to you. If you
don’t have people who truly love and support you, you need to look at what life
is telling you. It a shame that we as society we have not learned from history and
continue down these paths. I think I said enough for now. I will leave you will
this are you really any different than any other one person. We all could have
been born into a life that demands us challenge who we are as a person.
On another note people are always
looking for their calling in life here a guide sort of: If you love what you do
and you lose track of time when you doing it (and watching TV or playing on the
computer, even video games does not count, unless have a calling in the that
direction, and you will know) you are most likely following what your heart
calling you to do. See when working on anything that creates a form of meditating
or trace type when you are giving energy to what you love, and you are
completely focus on what you are doing. You’re on the right track.
See mediation has such neglect
attachment to it, because it was about doing yoga or sitting in a cave or on
the floor in crisscross position. It can be done that way, but it’s really
about get quiet and stopping the mind chattering in every direction. We been
taught to be noisily. Just listen to clock ticking by or cars outside or wind
blow and making the trees move. Listen to the dog bark in the distance or neighbor
play the TV too loud because they stop listen even to themselves. How would it
feel to know that you were here on this planet to help yourself be the best possible
person you could be! And are you living it and you help people along the way,
even better.
