1-16-24 Existential crisis/ intuitive hits

Existential crisis and not a Dark Soul of the Night, which is really metaphorical and not a single incident. So I have spent count hours trying to understand my gifts that I was born with having no idea that there were names for it until roughly 2003. At this point, my life fell apart. To date, I have written well over 500 posts plus, and some are not even posted. I have written well over a million words and 110,400 views and still have not gained the financing to support my calling or have a home for myself. The only donation that I received was my test to set it up. (view counter wrong on site) Oh my, technology. 

So the question remains why are people not showing up or is it me not showing up? I don't know the answer to that question, completely. Other than I was involved in karma lessons and writing has been the outlet for the rebuilding of my life in 2007 I realized the information was bigger than myself and I created this blog. Or as I jokingly call it, bog. Which can be metaphorical in that it surrounds you.  

My hope or thought was I was here to help people and I have carried many things with me regarding the people that I have met. In my mind, I thought people just forgot who they were and that through social programming you forgot your connection to God, source, all that is. Since I have known this since I was a child and lost my own way through conditioning. I made it a mission to understand why and how to only recently learn we created it "all". Now since this is a complex topic involving many parts. For me to clearly define what it is in itself is a challenge and question whether it is even possible, since some of the greatest masters who walked the planet have been trying to do it from the beginning of time as we know it and even now. 

Maybe my want or need to help people stems from my childhood and relationship with my parents or actually is a soul mission. I thought by sharing information or my life or insights, whether they were mine or the guides, that I would have a better way to help people. I always feel that the guides want me to speak and my way is writing it. I grew up where technology did not exist in the form that it is like it is today and is well, overwhelming to myself, as it continues to change and expand. All my hymns and hollering about not knowing this or it, I could have learned it by, now. 

As I sit here to account for all the whys, not knowing enough technology or how can I teach or tell someone about healing oneself, and when I have many open scars that I am working through and trying to get through the day or manifest the many things that I want in my life. I don't try to manifest millions, or excess home, or car, or excessive anything, because they are all wonderful thoughts but will they bring me any closer to myself? Will they heal the holes that still need to be loved and find closure too. Will they bring those lost moments back with family and friends that I was separated from? The joy of their laughter or even the tears of when they pissed me off. 

I tend to understate what I know and what I have experienced because like most people I want a deeper connection to people, but question do people really care or I think maybe they think I have enough on my plate without listening to someone else situation. Because we all looking for answers to the questions. Now, if you have been reading my blog long enough throughout my posts, I have used the word "taught from the beginning" and other teachers will say that we came in with amnesia or forgetting your source connection, this is an arguable statement. I tend to lean that it is not everyone and even more so, in the future. I tend to say you can not separate from something you are, you can only think, that you are and that can be considered conditioning. 

So why am I writing all of this and feeling like my own crisis is never going to end? When I don't even know what I am looking for any longer. My life feels boring, stagnated, and annoyed by my own doing of not feeling inspired and the constant challenges of other people and events. To just question my thoughts as to whether it is programming or belief that it is not real, to just allow, and I am really showing up in my own life. 

I then play devil's (backward means Lived) advocate (on behalf of something, someone, or self) with my arguing with concepts that are are not generally known about what I am getting or read to understand more in-depth. Wondering if it is fear that stems from my experiences of assaults both verbal or physical by other people in this field of study or walking through life. When I have to understand that I put these people, and situations in my life for my soul's growth, even when they seem horrific or even monstrous-like behavior. 

To question whether people realize that they are observable and projecting who they are, to then question do they question and observe their self/ves. Because we really are not just one person but have been different aspects of ourselves throughout our whole life. And fail to realize that our own upbringing is not the same as everyone else and their experiences. How we justify or judge, based on incomplete information! All for the sake of what we want people to see. Never questioning our own moral character or suspending judgment based on social standard, when it is invalid, as a statement that something is normal. When you break apart normal without the N you get moral. So what is morally correct? 

Morally correct is quite an open concept considering it is only based on what you know or what you think you know, when all can be challenged. Riddle me this batman, sorry I could not help myself. What is common or collective, can be challenged, when there is a collective agreement meaning that collectively, we have agreed that a stop sign means stop, but that is not the whole of the experience. Collectively, basic needs are fundamental which is not a universally accepted concept, considering it is the 21st century, and I wanted to write the 25th century and maybe it will take that long.. ugh that is thought. But we are here now. 

Recently, I am being challenged to understand whether my role is to express my thoughts, create, or help heal. Now, if I go back to childhood the little me would say that it's all love, and thoughts create reality without fully appreciation that at a young age, I understood this concept and spent many years understanding something that was very innate to me as a child. I asked the guides why me when battling myself and I was told I have a unique perspective. To me even questioning their use of perspective are you joking with me, because I have used much the same information to fill in the puzzle that many others have before me, as I continue to search for deeper meaning in my own life. 

As I write this I have canceled an interview for a job, for weather conditions, and because I realized that it is not what my soul wants. As I realized yes it can support me financially and help provide for my needs, is it really what my soul wants and will it feed it and heal it. I am not one to say that it will happen overnight, that is a disillusion and not a true progression of the soul. We are here to live life, where ever we find ourselves. As I transverse wounds of where I have been to not repeat them because they were not fun to begin with. To figure out what my soul or I really want in my life. As I have put aside manifesting because after trying to understand and use it for the past ten years or longer. I have realized that just like healing, it takes time and is part of the soul journey and karmic in nature and beliefs, or ancestors or whatever catchphrase is being used, nowadays. 

*I am sorry if it is disjoined and realize that I write this way because the fact that I have at any given moment, multiple thoughts processing in my mind or the guides saying to write this and trying to write can be quite difficult. I have in dreamtime been shown myself holding multiple balls or spheres at the same time and didn't understand it at that moment. Maybe it was the guides showing me that I hold all these thoughts or knowledge, not that we all do. 

Also, I want to note that whether you are on your own spiritual journey or not, I see many healers and hopefully I am not using words that are emotionally charged for others relating that something is wrong with another person or group of people. (I am sure that I have in the past, but realized that it was based on the knowledge that I had at the moment.) Just because someone comes to a realization about themselves or is acting for the benefit of someone else healing themselves, does not mean that your experience is far less than valid or another person comes from a place of annoyance, rushing, or targeted place. Each soul's journey is individual as god source that they are. When one learns that they are God source, universal energy in a human being form as a lifestream of the collective force expressing itself and as form, idea, or thought, all individualism disappears. It's all an expression of God, source, the universe, or cup of joe.. Humor is much needed at the moment, things can get a bit serious. 

Ok, I leave it at that for now.

Intuitive hits- 

AI - assist. Regardless of your thoughts of AI, just like anything else it can be used for good or bad and learning discernment, as I am being told. Just like fake events or news, or anything else manipulated to disguise truth. 

Altoona- I am saying Pennsylvania because that is where I am. 

Stem research? 

Why the guides gave this to me this way does make sense: A -apple- Alzheimer's - there will be advancements with Alzheimer's and a few others. 

Yakko - The character or something else? 

Movie: that are spiritual but not completely accurate Lucy and Limitless series - and these are only valid points, understanding at some point in our history the DNA has been changed and is being reactive it, what science calls junk DNA from two strands vs. when there is 24, don't quote me- I am not a geneticist. 

Want to hear a really bad joke story, I am sitting at this desk, my second home and I have two female spirits behind me and they say she does not like to pass messages, and I say back to them. Hello, I can hear you and just where have I been the last several years, and if it is so important send your people and not when I am sleeping. (true story) Like I have a way of knowing who you belong to. This is where I should say that your family is all around you and you dismiss signs, thoughts, or whatever they are using to get your attention, they then go looking for people like myself who can hear them. 

Here is even a cheat code - if you have had a ghost experience, you more than likely can speak to the deceased, guides, or angels, and get information. Why the reasons are many, but firstly it is an innate ability. That requires training, because not all spirits, angels, and Guides are who they claim to be. And yes there are disincarnated beings who have not crossed over who will pose as other being- claiming they are something other than who are.  

01-11-24 Do you Matter? Guided/channeled

 This is the question that has popped up this morning, after getting upset by the increase of money that running ramp it. Questioning are we "all" to blame for this uptick of overpricing everything? How we blame the governments and corporations for pricing things to the excessive that the seemly stress of trying to live life is no longer accessible to most. When the challenges of life are overly stressful, to navigate conditions. I am very familiar with insurmountable conditions. I had my fair share and possibly more if I am truly honest with myself. 

Questioning deep within my soul where these beliefs come from. Are they a thought of mine, or taught to me by social conditioning? Is this a lesson that I need to learn or unlearn? Is there value in holding onto the thought or belief, with the things that I know? When I go to pay a bill and burst into tears because the bill has now doubled in payment. Already knowing my situation and where I have been, this seems like another thing on the already large pile, and waiting for it to fall over. 

Emotions are tricky. Why, because they are generally of a past situation, because they don't know a future. Well because it has not happened yet. So emotions, generally respond to something that has happened in the past and is reflecting in the present, because we have already been there and tend to be a memory of similar situations or conditions. But when you're in that state of mind all the time, there is nothing new that can enter because they are on repeat, as conditional thoughts. 

We are conditioned into life from the very beginning, Womb to adulthood. Then realizing that you always have the ability to accept or challenge what is present. Firstly with yourself and the outer world. If this is a matrix concept of thought then what is happening out there is a manifestation of what is going on in people. Money being an energy of exchange for goods or services apparently is on the rise. Nickels, dimes, and seemly pennies add up, even governments are trying to void printing them to bring digital money about, which is of course is here if you use a debt card or credit card. The difference is physical coins or paper money which is devoid of any value when it is removed of backed currency. Essentially, just paper or digital code moving around. 

So what does all of this have to do with Do You Matter? I see Chosen One used out there in the cyber world and if people had the true foundation of knowing that all have chosen to be on the planet, there is no difference between anyone other than the labels assigned to it/them. Money is used classification between people to show status, which only has meaning to the beholder (proverb). When questioning the roots of any thinking or thought, it will always come back to childhood and whether you mattered, were appreciated, loved, and valued. Money has been labeled as the root of all evil, yet it is misquoted by most. 

So as you navigate the next year or several years, with conditions from weather, earth changes, mass exits, and the fall of broken systems, financial, education, political upheaval or health institutions, truly question Do you matter? because you are collectively agreeing, or disagreeing with the outer conditions. When accumulating or consuming money, food, and any objects, what is really missing from your life? We will end it here. Thank you. Good day. 

*We want you to consider what you have already been through and that you are still here and people have left or leave, it is their soul calling for such. Faith has gotten you this far and far more is to be done. Life is change and adjusting and malleable. You think what think because that is what you have known. You have been taught in terms as wrongs, vs what is rights, and what can be fixed, or changed.  

The guides say: look at all the shoes that you own. You have many and forget the blessings that you do have in your life. They also say: you can not climb a mountain wearing Stilettoes. (humor to lighten the Day) 

01-05-24 Little boy upset.

 I was shown image in dreamtime of a little boy brown hair roughly age 8-12. I seeing it like I am in the apartment with them. The boy is upset and yelling, the Uncle is adding to the boy being upset, the boy walks out of the apartment and the uncle locks the door behind him and is holding the door, so the boy can not back in (it seems to be jokey done) but this little boy is upset about something, tried to get back in the door. The mother is watching this happen and goes after looking for the boy and a neighbor at door (community door) states didn't you here him yelling. The mother looks around and I wake up. * this could be nothing or something. I am not sure and guides said to post it. 

01/04/24 I keep getting ??

• I keep getting the letters IGA - what it is I have no idea, but the guides have been relentless with giving me this over the last week, or so. I don't know if insurance, food store, a type of illness, all of which is google-able. I was shown red lettering and signage or some type of billboard. I have asked what it means several times, telling them that I am not posting without more information. So, here I am posting it, because maybe they will leave me alone, since I am not getting clear understanding what exactly it is! Since I am on strike with them because of information I was given over a year ago, and that time frame that has come and gone, or a misunderstanding of information. I am reluctant to post anything at this point. 

Here is another spiritual movie - as reference point for reincarnation and soul remembrance, unfinished lessons or business from another life -YouTube: Yesterdays Children