38.
The night of the event with the psychic medium. This was first of many that I
would attend, not only with this medium but others. No one ever said a word to
me that I had gifts and needed to learn how to use and master them. I arrived,
along with 100 or more people, who apparently had questions or wanted to hear
from there love ones. For me it not about my loved one, it was about the
questions and was this something that I was supposed to be doing. The psychic
medium opened up by talking about his life and how he connects to the departed.
And before he started his session of connecting there was a belief break. I
remember getting up to get some water and there was a little line of about 10
more people. I was standing in line and felt something brush up against me, I
turned to see and there was no-one there. I then felt like I had to apologize
because I somehow was standing among the living and the departed. For the first
time, I realized that there must have been hundreds of departed in the room
they filled the entire back of the room. I was shocked and amazed. This was
first time that I felt the departed or realized that there was truth to what I
was experiencing.
There may have been
other times in my life, but this time I could not brush it off, as something
other then what it was. The psychic medium did his readings and then he opened
the floor to ask questions. Ok, here is my chance to ask questions and get some
answers. Let me just say that I have never in wildest thought the following
would happen. Every time the mic would come around it seem to choose people
right in front of me or beside me or blandly dismiss that I had my hand
raised.
After the event, I left
to get my children and let me say that I was never so pissed off or upset. I
left in tears by the time I reach my Mom’s house, she asked what happen. She
thought I have gotten in an accident or hurt in some way. I was a mess. I told
about the night and how I raised my hand and got passed by to be able to ask
questions. I left my Mom’s with my children and went home. I put my children to
bed and still pissed started yelling at the universe and my guides asking what
the hell was that about. Why did they send me there when I could not ask one
question and seemed no one was asking anything close to what I was looking for
in answers!
That night would be
another step in my development. When I finally calm down which several hours
later. And saying I am not doing this anymore because I don’t know what you
want me to do. I kept trying to read tarot cards and understand their meaning,
but it hard when you are reading for yourself and not another person. Or you
get information and question is this for my life or another person. That night
information poured into, I started getting information on neighbors about their
life and them being on the wrong path or in a relationship that was going down
a bad direction and it would only end badly. I got up wrote down everything
that was coming to me. It felt like I could hear them and their thoughts. I
also felt that that was a room full of people in my apartment. Like they were
watching me freak out. I did not sleep the night or the next day until the
evening I finally crashed. I remember being a waking 24 hours later and when I
woke up, I heard two older women in the bedroom at the foot of bed say” she
does look like very much”, I could not see them but without a doubt I could
hear them and they were in my room.
A week or so later I
was seated in the chair holding my youngest son and because he would never
sleep in his bed and was a morning person. I got pictures in my mind that my
son had somehow drowned in a previous life and it involved riding a bike. My
other son came out and told he had a bad dream, and in a moment, I saw his dream,
too.
He had been a soldier
in a war and I said to him that you are the supposed to do that in this
lifetime. These pictures were like seeing a story as to why my other son did not
like be around water or swim or even ride a bike in this lifetime because that
is how he had drowned in that life. It was like watching a mini picture show in
a few seconds. As for my older son he always had a toy gun that had to take
everywhere with him and always wanted to wear boots, even if they were rain
boots.
One time he dug a
trench at our old house. It had to be close to 8ft long and over foot deep. I
let him dig when I realized that he could be a hazard, if he was playing and
not paying attention. He also would draw volcano erupting and trucks all the
time when he was much younger. I then
realized that I would draw trees a lot when I was around this age. I still have
hard time when I see people cut tree down that don’t necessarily need to be cut
down. When I was much younger, the school would say that I didn’t read well,
yet I love to read. I don’t think it was because I could not read, it was
because I could see or hear things that other people did not. As for my
neighbor I got up the courage to write her letter, I never really saw her other
hearing her below me. I wrote a letter to her explaining that information that
I was given and she may have thought I crazy, but I didn’t care. What was
important was the information, mine you within a short time she ended up
moving. Maybe due to the letter or she step back and looked at her life and
where it was going. This would not be the last experience at this apartment.
Another time another neighbor was being attacked by her boyfriend, I looked out
the window had to call the police. Somehow my hearing and sight had somehow
improved with me being upset by the psychic event and new opening of psychic
gifts. Just image hearing and feeling people every thought or emotion, it was un-nerving.
Thankfully, it did not last too long.
Along with everything
else that was happening I woke up to open the blinds and for the first time
everything looking brighter almost magical. The colors of the trees and flowers
looked so different. I was in ah of what I was seeing like it was nothing that
I have ever seen. My eyes even seem to see clearer. I found that I did not need
my glasses to read as much, other than when I was on the computer. It was as if
something was lifted off me. Then I kind of felt bad that I had flipped out on
the universe and my guides and all these strange and new things were happening.
It like a person getting sight or hearing for the first time. I was overwhelmed
by what I was experiencing. I still did not tell anyone. I did not know anyone
who was experiencing anything like this or otherwise. Books was and were the
only sources. The internet was still in the early stages for locating
information.
While trying to
function in my own life there was this whole other world presenting itself to
me. I was struggling to put my own life that in order. I could not get or locate
a job; the market had changed since 9/11. The financial and housing market
collapsed. Pension being taken and lost to shady deals. You would think with
all that we have been over last 20 years that people would be concern with what
is happening out in the world because it does have a direct relation to what is
happening to all of us. I don’t know if the people who survived losing their
home or these collapses have ever fully recovered or whether they just became
more knowledge to survive it, should it happen again.
39. In November of the
year, I had to move home to my childhood home again. I had to start over again.
I move everything to storage, except but few items. I got the impression that
my Mom did not want us to live there. But I had two small children and two
fathers who were unsupportive and emotionally unavailable or stable.
There is something
about having blind faith and trust that the things that I was experiencing, was
for a reason. That faith has been tested and re-tested more times than I would
like to say at this point. I found that the best way to understand people and their
situation is walking in their shoes. You know when your young and you dream of
about your life, what you wish for yourself and even plan out the detail or at
least in your head. I am still chasing that dream because where I am, I could
not have dreamed of or even thought of the things that have happened to me.
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