I 7-31-21 Being Overwhelmed and thinking it is Procrastination

 

Donna Millward

I found that it is not about procrastination but an learned effect of a over powering parent/parenting, which also is generational, do more, be more slogan and a crisis in the form having a problem as a child and not having the skill set to handle the problem, yet not having parents that did not actually see you. Human are not created to move this way, it is unnatural to their being. Hence leading to many of the addictions now present, fears and doubt being the iceberg waiting to sink. Instead of teaching to challenge where or when they first felt this way and understanding that their parents did not have the skills set, instead blaming, acknowledging as in: stop breathe and refocus or walk away to see a different view point. We live society that wants us to process this, move on to next and next (that why the are kids are not learning) information overload.

It is like teaching a child to draw a tree accept that it is multifaceted, now ask child to describe a tree, is whole other picture. Oh, let add that their are adults and children who can see the answer in a second, hence: Add, Adhd (which are only labels) yet they are working in a systems that tells them they is only one way which is false and a lie. The answer lies in question- as to why a person with mental disability can calculate something who is savant, which seems like a contradictions, but is only a example. We are boring our children to death because it not challenging or forced learning things against their natural flow of things. Then to add fuel to fire we expecting a one shoe fits all concept that does not work, creating a view or expectation that we should all be the same, when all is same, but a unique part of the whole. If I have flat tire I am not going to take my car to a lawyer, because my tire will not get fixed.

When you tell anyone adult or child they wrong or to be like another because they don't agree will you without questioning there actual thoughts to determine their thought process, you are in turn controlling the conversation verse not listening to possibly a different view. Here is example look out the window, any window and now call someone over to the window and ask them to look out the window, but don't tell them why. Then ask what they saw, you will find that they did not see the same thing as you or they did, and they're psychic. Spiritual humor, but maybe true! The point is this: same window different views.

S- 5-16-21 In the Raw

 

5-16-21   In the Raw

Last night I directed to start a Women's group with the place and time. As I spoke to guides, I was like I thought that I would be part of a group or have a teacher to grow from because for the last 17 years that is what supported me fundamentally I have been fixing my life.  Then this morning as tears rolled down my face, I realized that I have become my mother. I have closed myself off from feeling and trying to hold it together that when I heal one crack another appears. We’re good at looking at everyone else crap and seeing it, yet we avoid doing our own work. I said to the guides what about my living situation and employment, much less, a fuckin washer and dryer. Seem petty, but I don’t like going to the laundry room where I live, nor do I enjoy living where I do. It has served its purpose but I want out. I guess my whole life I wanted out.

Growing up in a dysfunctional home and being an empathic child and intuitive, not having any real guidance to drunk angry father and mother trying to keep herself safe emotionally and unavailable. We always seemed to have money issues, yet we had the money for other things. This is all over the place and rightfully so, I have been in two worlds my whole life one that people tell me is not real, and the other is currently spinning out of control with fears, and separate, pointing fingers. When we are all born with the ability to tap into higher wisdom with ourselves, our god-self. We are taught that we are paying for sins, that we are bad seeds from a garden and a eating apple, then forced out of because we questioned. I am not a bad person and yes, I have made bad choices and decisions. But haven’t we all.

I keep looking for the answers in our family history and is it karma that is playing out by us repeating what has come before. Is the family linage so screw up, that we are clearing a lifetime of false beliefs and patterns! Where does it end and when does it stop, with the bloodline, or we are destroying ourselves and the planet!

 In the past few weeks and months, people have seen me as cold, or distant, yet I am not. I recently left a job because the people around me expected me to be reactive, to the point that it is obnoxious and toxic. All I want to do was my job and go home. It like a bad sales commercial -if don’t do this you’re going bla bla, and I am right, your wrong without any real dialog without conflict or control.  

I am not here to push anything on anyone, that serves no one. We already live in a highly controlled world. I can’t verify or name them and does it matter, because as I am being told we are the masters that came to remember who we are.

With that my emotional meltdown is over and you can take from it what you like or not. I just one person trying to find peace and heal from my experiences. I not good at asking for help or asking for what I need, especially when I not sure what I need or want. This is also a family dysfunction, but if you feel called to, please donate.