12-29-19 What My Son said over Christmas Break!

People often wonder what teenagers really think, maybe my son is the exception to the rule or the fact that he is comfortable saying things that other people don’t. He asked me “why is it only at Christmas people are nice to everyone”. I explained that it should be that way all the time, but for whatever reason, people aren’t nice every day. One would think that with all the advancements that we have made in communication or technology, or human behavior that this core concept would be at the corner front of everyone’s day. But it is not. We all encounter stuff everyday that we feel people are doing to us, yet we forget we are the creators of reality. And when someone or something shows up that we don’t agree with, it’s something pointing a big fat arrow back us, saying hey are you that type of person who acts that way or have I been or done that to myself or anyone.  We all think that were good people and it someone else who is creating what we experience, but it not, if were not consciously aware of what were doing, or saying, thinking the apple does not fall from the tree. Anyone who works in Public Service industries will tell that people in general are the most difficult, and most stressful part of their job, next to their boss. People wonder why mental health is on the rise, and that is mostly because people cannot mine their mouth, over their mind. Either way it is everyone job to be kind. I for one cannot kill them with kindness, I have tried and keep working at it. I look at them with that parent face or the parent’s evil eye, as to what is wrong with you or pull a poke face because as empath and intuitive, I felt or saw that nonsense before you open your mouth, or you drove pass me or whatever the case maybe.  Kindness should be a priority, not after thought every day and not just a Christmas.

My Psychic Life Pgs. 1 - 10

My spiritual Journey 6-30-19, revised 10-19-19 

A few months ago, I wrote on my blog that I was not calling myself spiritual anymore, this was due to the fact, that I would attend these groups and not allow to ask questions. I understand that there was a spiritual world and the world is full of energy and everything vibrated at different levels. Therefore, this why some people can see things and others deny that it exists or just play it off that something is not there. The following is what happens to me before and after realizing that there is more to this reality than meets the eye. I have done research into many books, teachers and video’s trying to understand what I see and why I see it, what it is or why it happens:

The following is over 49 years of experiences. I will try to put them in putting them in some type of order but because they're so many I can only write them as remember them or as I started writing them down.

1.    I was a young girl and I was ill with maybe the flu. I don’t remember exactly. I know that I shared a room with sister, and we happen to be very young. I remember my Great Grandmother Anna coming to me. At the time I did not know who she was but that I had turned over in my bed and there she was. I don’t remember what she said, only she seems to comfort me. It was not until many years later that I even found out her name or who she was.

2.    Did you ever walk to school or around your neighborhood? And there is always one house or home that didn’t quite look the same as the others. It was not because it was different, but it seems to have a darkness to it. Or it was home that you really did not like to walk by or even go up too. If you have a child or grandchildren, you most likely still do it today. You don’t go up to houses that feel off. This applied to animals, too. Children have a keen sense when something is off about a person, animals or a place like the food store. Children will hide behind whomever they are with. I could tell you every house on my street that had illness or divorce, or rather the house told me.  There would be a darkness around the house or heaviness to it.

3.    One time I told my Mom that that house next door they were going to get a divorce and move. That house is surrounded in heaviness and to this day, three couples have lived there since I live there and move out. Only one of the couples stayed married and I believe it is because they moved out of that house. I only know this because my mother was friends with on couple that she knew from from school. My Mom told me to never speak of it, but I know that she never confirmed or denied it, that if  the couple had stay in that house their relationship would have ended. I did understand why at the time why she never said not to speak of it. Looking back maybe it because she was afraid or that I was speaking out terms. The world has not treated people who see or hear things with the utmost respect.

4.    There were numerous times that I would be in the car driving to my grandmother home and I would see people on the side road. One time I asked my Mom why and she indicated that she did not see anyone. I could not understand, the man was standing not 6ft off to the side of the car window. I happen to be the only one that saw him.

5.    Another time on this same road I saw an overturned car in the water, it was a white or yellow Volkswagen Beetle. No one saw that either. This area was wooden part of the road with woods on one either side and the Neshaminy Creek on the other side. There were no homes or buildings along this part of the road.

6.    When I bigger but not a teenager my sister would these terrible nightmares and wake me up. It was always the same, someone or something was taking her blanket of bed, this went on for years after. I never had this happen to me, but she would fall back to sleep, and I never physically saw anyone.  It seems to happen a few times per week and I don’t know whether it ever stopped, or I just slept through it. One thing I did when I was young always move around the my bedroom, not for cleaning purposes. I think back now and maybe it was my way of moving energy around. I still do it today in my own home and other places that I lived in.

7.    I remember that we had a cat, why I don’t know. But I knew or had a dream that that cat was going to die. I think I saw it before it happened. Then when it did happen, I was not be surprised because I had seen it in a dream or vision.

8.    I never put two and two together. It was not spoken of in our house or anywhere else that I remember. There was a time that our family had gone to a campground and I had gone swimming and somehow, I had swam under the rope that defines the drop in the pool. I somehow had gotten disoriented and ended up on the other side of the rope. I remember seeing a light or maybe it was the sun coming down, but I think I could have downed that day, if were not for the light that I saw. I don’t remember whether someone pulled me from the pool, or I made it out by myself. 

9.    Another strange fact is that I asked my Mom about my birth, she cannot tell me the actual time or anything prior to my birth or even what type of temperament I had prior to walking. She only remembers that I never really crawled that I walked around nine months and that seems strange to me, that as a parent, you remember when your children walk, talk and what they did. If they liked certain food and what they did not or did like. My life is a mystery to myself even today.

10.     I know that as you get older you tend to forget things and not remember everything, but I seem to have more missing memories then ones that I can remember. I have even had my own children say Mom you remember this movie or the time we etc. and I will respond that I have no idea what they are saying or talking about. That like I was not even present, it's a scary thoughts to have missing time or memories. 

11.     My parents use to go camping I had a friend that I had been friends with for  years, she wanted to start hanging with these other girls and I had a bad feeling about it, but I did not know why. Shortly thereafter we stopped being friends – There is something to be said about the company that you keep they either inspire you or support you, and not when you travel down a wrong path, or path that there is a lesson involved. 

12.    There was another time that I had climb a tree – I was kind of a tomboy, I had climbed this pine tree that near a pond at this same campground. I had to be 15-20 feet in the tree and fell out of it. I don’t remember how but I remember on the way to the ground or once I was over the shock of falling that I saw that I could have died or even ended up in a wheelchair. For just moment it was flash of a story. Then I realized that I not been seriously hurt or as if it did not really happen. I walked away with only cuts and bruises to myself and maybe my ego for climbing the tree. I never climbed another tree since that day.

13.     When I was a teenager – I either stopped getting dreams or images, but the never completely went away. I would know when people were upset or not telling the truth, or when I was in school they would teach us something or go over something about history and I knew that parts of it was wrong or written incorrectly. 

14.     I always feel like the outsider looking in and could not understand why. I was taught to not speak of what I saw or much less talk about. I just figured everyone was told not to talk about seeing and knowing and that is why I was  not allow to say anything. Like some unwritten law of some sorts.

15.     In 6th grade I had a terrible teacher is the beginning of the year. She was mean and came from a Catholic school and even threaten to slap our fingers with a ruler on the first day of school. I remember either getting a dream or just knowing that she was not going to with us long. One day I came to school and we had a sub. Here the teacher that we were supposed to have fallen and broken both are wrists the third day of school. That sub who replaced her for all the rest of the school year was one of the best teachers that I have had, and I even made a cake and poster for her because without her, we or I would have suffered for entire year with a crazy ass teacher – who thought she is running a Nazi camp and not a public classroom.  This was the 70’s.

16.     By High school, I was experiencing what I believe is astral projecting. I would come from school and nap before I went to work. I would lie down and see myself above my body or the entire room with my eyes closed. It was if I am floating above my body.  School was exhausting – parents and people don’t realize that energy that put out and being large crowds of people is like standing in front of a speaker all day or every day and expecting to function as a person. High school is like the real world, people trying to fit in, figure out who you are among all your peers. Just imagine walking through every emotion that there is in the world. Picking up who fake or lying or comes from a bad home or neglected home. Who is spoiled rotten and constantly being judged. I had so many titles at school by people who knew nothing about me or my life. I can remember refusing to pledge in the morning by not putting my hand on my heart. It was not because I was being disrespectful, it was because I had to say, “one nation under God”, I thought it was dumb. God is not under any nation or religion. Then I end up in the principle office because would not be steeped into conforming.  My entire ancestry has linked to wars or the armed services. I can respect them and not say that God is only one nation.

17.     One time I had been dating or see this guy and he took me to his house. And I got a bad feeling, and something was off. I knew from that day on that I should stop seeing him. Later, one of my friends started dating him and I tried to tell her that he was not who she thought he was. She told me I jealous because he liked her over me. That day was the last time that we spoke or even maybe close friends. Sometimes lessons have to be learned the hard way, but sometimes not. Sometimes we disregard what someone said to us because we don't want to hear the truth. It is sad but we learn to distrust over trusting well before trusting whether someone is telling us the truth. 

18.     The following I never say to anyone, I had a dream that someone was pregnant and that there was something wrong with the baby and it involved a helicopter and that she would lose the baby and the baby would only live for less than a day. (I never understand why I saw this and to this day have carried it with me for 23 years.) This did happen and learned that not everything that I see is for me to speak about. Which is a heavy burden to carry! 

19.     In my early twenty, I experience a strange detour as I call it. I had been inviting to go water skiing and as drove to meet up with everyone I end getting detour after detour, I still don't why. Other then I was not supposed to be there for some reason. I had a rough idea where I was going and that it was not more than half hours’ drive from my home. It seemed that day no matter what road I traveled I was not meant to be there. I must have driven in circles for two hours and finally just had to give up. I apparently was not supposed to go. 

20.     I learned over the years that we truly don’t listen to the inter-guided system. We learn to tune it out or not pay attention to a dream or what we say or who says it too, us. I had to learn to really listen to get quiet enough to determine what I am hearing and seeing, or even smelling. I have learned that I have all the clairsentients. Some of mine are better and stronger than others and that we all can and do have these abilities and even more.

21.     I worked for one company one time and I said that something to my boss and he said to me “what did you just say”. One of the women that I worked for was missing a lot of work and I would get called in for coverage. I said to him that she was having money and family issued because she was spending more than she made. I had no idea what or even why I said or whether it was true. I also would smell alcohol all the time and could not understand why. Here the woman is question resigned because of family situations and money issues and one of the men in the office was a functional alcoholic and kept liquor in his desk all the time. I later realized that there were multiple people working there that were functional alcoholics. 

22.     Growing up I only knew one healer that was my Uncle Joe, he was not my real Uncle but was a friend of the family. He would use herb to heal people whether it was a headache or toothache. And when he would help people he seems to just know when someone was in pain. He would just get an herb or use his hands by placing his hands on the person. I later found out that one of my mother's aunt's which born with a veil and that I had a connection to native American Indians. I would go into a shopping center that had an indoor flea, shops and would attempt to go in, but my mother would be with me or her voice would be in my head saying we don’t talk about these things. I later found out that this shop was connected to a well-known Psychic Medium. 

23.     In the past, I have gone places without knowing why, or how to really get there or that felt the need to call someone or show up places. I went to the library one time feeling like I need to get some books. At the time I did not realize that it was the section on spirituality, ghost, UFO. Not there was a lot of books on the matter, there is so much more now. I did end up standing right in front of the section but left without any books because I felt I didn't understand at the time what I was looking for.

Psychic information 10-19-19

Psychic information 10-19-19

1.     Because I deal with hundreds of people on some days, it is hard to know who or what these messages mean. I am listing them here as triggers to remember a memory of something or passing the messages on.

2.     In numerology – today is 1-1- 11 day –

3.     An Image of a women – on her backside on the lower right hip is a big flower or Lily, maybe, there is also a vine or snake on her back. Since images mean different things to different people other than being a physical person, which how I saw it.  I suggest researching totems or dreaming of a lily or vine or snake for clarify.  

4.     The name Amanda & someone else

5.     Something about Brittany apologizing and/with pancakes & syrup??

6.     Image of accident involving two cars blue & tan, or beige (maybe gold) in food store parking lot, 3 row, 1/3 way down between two cart bins.

7.     I have been hearing the Theme song for Charmed all week long- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQEpTXFGNgE

8.     Something with Salem Lights or Ultra Lights Cigarette’s and $2.50

What is irking me? 9-15-19

I have gone silent over the several months, due to personal issues in my life that I just could not process fast enough as I walked through them. A few months back I wrote that I was not calling myself spiritual anymore due to few recent encounters with so-called people who for whatever reason felt the need to say and do things that as a teacher of any spiritual matter or metaphysical seemed ego-based. Yes, my own ego was bruised and still is. I looked to these people to help me understand what was and is still happening to me because I have read enough books at this point in my life to tell there is not one single answer to any given question or experience.

I also see being spiritual or metaphysical matter, call it what you will, marketed all over the internet as fix or quick overnight you will become a psychic or medium or channel information that you could not possibly know days or weeks before. I have been researching for 15 years and it does not work over night like that. If I could write any book it would be clean up your shit and by that, I mean your reality is yours only to you and if you have no knowledge of other people outside of the sphere of influence or your family. You’re in for an awakening that your wildest dreams could not conceive of. And to just to be clear to the people out there who knew me as a child, teenager, and young adult, even family, you only know what I let you know and what you or I experienced together. With that being said when things happen to you that you can’t explain or understand and realized that you saw, see things and said things as child and were told to not speak of them because of your parents fear to protect you or so you would not look crazy, because when I was born and years later we locked up people for seeing or talking about what they saw or experience. We still medicate people today for the same reason.

Back in the days that we lived in tribes or other cultures you went to your community witch doctor, shaman or even the women who worked with herbs or even religious people who had experience or knowledge of spiritual or metaphysical natures. Yoga’s have spoken about for years and there is movement to move back into balance with ourselves, nature and the planet. Had I not been denied or validation or encourage to speak or even write about what I experienced just maybe I would not have found myself in situations that I had. I was raised in a family that was incapable of seeing that children have a voice and that I or we had the right to be who we were. Instead, I was molded in a life that I hid in for fear of my safety, as well as having a traumatic experienced at an early age that left me lost between two worlds. At some point, I chose the latter. I have made several attempts at writing a book or what I experience and about my life. I struggle to expose my truth and not destroy what is left precious to in my life to me. I keep a tight lid on my privacy for fear of the backlash of people who on reading this would tell me differently. When I have told some people that I considered friends, they walked, or I walked away from them because we don’t want to hear truths.

Eight years ago, I walked away from the last of the people who I thought loved and supported me, to find that it was just me looking for the answers to why my life was destroyed in a matter of months and years. That the birth of my son and even before would send me on a quest to heal myself and understanding what was happening to me, better. What really sucks is that growth is gain thru chaos or trauma. The trauma could be an accident, illness or what you experienced in living this life. People don’t turn to spiritual matter unless they have experience something that there is no explanation for or there is a big calling that been since birth. Not that we all can do this, and we have forgotten, because there are people in power who don’t want you to know how powerful you are.   

So, when I hear or see people, even famous people marketing intuition or non-physical things to other people without offering some type of mentorship to people it is upsetting and grossly disgusting. It is like telling a college student you make 60-80k year for having a degree after graduating. Guess what that is slim and far beyond the truth or maybe it is my own lack of finding a teacher or some degree of understanding to put my own life in order without charging hundreds and hundreds of dollars to understand my spiritual gifts.

What I do know is that it’s not rockets science and kudos to the person who claims that they have all the answers to spiritual matter or metaphysical because they’re probably lying. I learned that more the questions come, or I ask, the rabbit hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Until you get to the point that you just want to walk away from it all because it is overwhelming.

I have tried on a few of these spiritual healing calling. I call them calling because they do call to you or you call them to you. And not everyone is supposed to do this work. There are mostly three things that help you on this path of work. One you need to meditate, clear your crap and have an open mind. Ok, maybe four or better things – reflect. Most people are taught the simplest lessons, yet do we do them. You may think that we do, but most aren’t. Be kind, treat others with respect, and universal law Do no harm, respect yourself and have a clear boundary, even with yourself and other people. No one has the right to treat you badly. On that note I will end it at this – if your curious or having a calling to spiritual matters your life will deeply change and you will become a better human for it, but with it comes  experiences, and challenges that you have/had no idea about or fears that been hiding in you for years and maybe centuries, if you believe it your first time on this planet. Oh, and maybe you should get comfortable with words like your Alien, you’re God having human experience.

Note: If you gotten this far- as for my book about my experiences and life, I may published here, because after doing some research I have come to realize that it maybe not be cost effective to publish due to the return on publishing it. Unless it published through a top publishing company the likely-hood of myself making the money back is not offsetting the cost or the time energy that it takes to publish it. Since writing it requires myself to go thru 86 hand written books and counting. And with 49 years of experiences going back to age 5 and a lot of self-healing and reflecting. To be able to begin to speak about, hence the name the Voice Within-

As Lady Gaga put it” I born this way”. And so were you.

Donna L. Millward

9-27-19 Previous Psychic information -Unpublished until now

Psychic information

I have decided to release psychic information that I either seen in my dreams or verbally gotten this information. This information has never been verified unless I noted it here. This is my interpretation only:

Date of event: 11/15/07

A body rolled in a carpet. Something about a room on the left side of this room. There were two vehicles one white and one silver – one a truck and the other a car.

The body was put in the back of a white truck or Van, there was a smell’s funny.

(Note: 8 years passed, and I befriended a security officer who I later found that he was a retired Norristown police officer – and one day out of conversation he told me that about an event where he was on duty and came an across a car that there was a body found in carpet in a truck of a car.)

12/27/07 – Had a dream about a child being hit while on the toilet. It was a little girl.

Also had a dream that there would be two passing for someone that I knew.

12/28/07 Dream about a blue & yellow truck in the driveway with writing on it.

01/03/08 Make-up and hair color a woman running on out on stage from a fashion show or something happening.

01/06/08 I happen to be boiling water and the pot on the stove begin rocking, not to the point of turning over but enough to make it noisily. My one son that it was a spirit of my father trying to get my attention.

01/07/08 I kept having dreams and impressions (visual pictures) that a man kept falling asleep with smoke and fire around him. It was verified when someone told that because of the medication they were on, they would fall asleep and at the time would be smoking which would leave burn holes in their mattress and clothing.

01/09/08 Intuitive feeling – I would run into a male person and I would get the feeling that their head was not on straight and they were still using drugs. It was later verified when a crack pipe was found in their sneaker’s. They were telling people that they not using drugs when in fact they had never stopped.

01/15/08 Dream about house white in color and there was an explosion which shook the entire house. I believed that this was due to a gas leak or something hitting a pipe. (this may have regards to complex or apartments) in New Jersey. I am not sure – but there was issues lines being hit or some digging and hit gas lines.)

01/19/08 Sweaters separated in a basket or laundry, something about a sofa being ruined.

01/23/08 Delaware river walk, curtains over a doorstep to office. Someone selling drinks and food (orange soda). Names Fran, Susan another woman, a small sill with a plant white and green. The plant seems like it was part of the painting. Some type of accident by the river, need to go say prayers. Something about the head and the body.

01/23/08 I kept feeling that there was going to be a fire or multiple fires. It just so happens that where I was living there was a problem with the heater and that had someone not come and fixed it, it would have catch fire. There was also an outlet that sparked and caused the outlet to burn out.

01/23/08 A dream about male and female in early thirties being in an alleyway or near some type of sewage thing. Looking to make a drug deal with they came an across a small girl 3-5 who overdosed on drugs and they debated whether to take her to the hospital. Something or someone else said to them that if it was their daughter would you take her to hospital.

01/25/08 I got that a family member would be passing and somehow preparing for the transition to happen. I also kept getting a heart attack around another family member, sure enough in 2012 this family member did, in fact, have heart attacked, and multiple stents to open the blockages. (They were only in their thirties).

01/28/08 Again I felt fire – I, myself experienced a small fire in truck.

01/24/08 or prior I kept having dreams about sewer and I asked someone that I knew, and they informed that it means death or a serious illness. I not sure why sewage was used to explain illness, because prior I would just sense darkness on certain people. But I was informed on 1/28/08 that a female who I knew, in fact, had ovarian cancer. 

02/07/08 Dream about wires and something round and that the wires were mixed up and were a problem.

02/07/08 Strange dream about being on top of a mobile home and people inside watching the guy next door because he was stripping a blue car for scraps, then following the man down the road when the mobile home lost control and went flying through the air and landed in a schoolyard. And the truck was hanging for dear life and someone praying to God asking for it to be put down safety because only a small tree of 6-8 ft high was keeping this vehicle from crashing to the ground below.

02-16-08 Seeing visual images of a crack pipe- (verified)

02-16-08 The names Dave & Julie seeing someone and calling them Mother  F-er. I felt drugs were involved.

2/21/08 Had a dream about someone running through a freezer.

2/26/08 A small fire the size of a dinner plate.  Then there was a massage or cleaning business with a building with emblems on it, secret passage. Two women and 5 altogether.

03/28/08 The name Joe, a dog named Tommy, a drug dealer, a baby, someone’s Mom

4/6/08 – Had a dream about a woman losing her child to Child Services or the Dept of child services. I felt she blond and thin and had a Thyroid problem and was not using her medication the way it intended. This was added to my book on 6/19/08 from another book. Sometimes, I would get information and did not have a journal around, so I would write on the paper that I had available at the time and translate later into my journal.

8/05/08 Visually seeing in a dream that someone again had ovarian cancer – they first thought that they were pregnant but instead had cancer. (verified)

8/08/08 Woke around 2am to have someone (not physically) standing next to my bed and I heard City of Angels – not sure what they met. Either it is was about the movie or Los Angeles.

08/08/08 Someone name Laila in a thrift store looking at a blanket or rugs and then her running away from someone or something. She seemed to be afraid of this person.

2) Three times I had this dream about women being under a spell, treated with cruelty, abused made to prostitute, Russian or the same origin.  (12/04/08 there was a prostitute ring running in the same county that I lived several months later. The made the TV networks and local papers and it was run by Russians) Note also that I gotten that these type of business are in a lot of neighborhood but are fronted by other business to under them up.

3) Had the following dream two times something about a pocket door and someone bleeding.

8/21/08 the following are the words that I wrote down to explain what I saw: Camping, trailer, something looking strange, house build all around. Being on a bus with 5 adults and several children, one adult getting sick, something about a uniform and medicine being too expensive to buy, hearing Protect the children over and over again. Told to pray for them. Something about the toilet being backward or stuck out very strangely.

8/26/08 Penn Grove. 2 girls, under and then just park. Not sure a physical park or parking lot at park, Where cars are.

9/12/08 A dream about a police car, a woman of color who is a police officer telling someone she “knew” the person and said to them that she missed placed her keys. In a parking garage or a parking lot, the person had a red shirt on. (I believe that this maybe about the police officer that killed in the nearby city.) Note on 12/04/08 There was an article in the newspaper about a police officer being killed in a parking lot.

12/05/08 A vision of a refinery in Upper black Eddy that destroyed the 150 years old building.

12/30/08 Kenya- volcano erupting in Haiti and flooding in Mexico

2009

01/02/09 A girl or woman missing, body missing, the name Christopher for the baby’s name. Keyport, Keyport, Keaport, Philadelphia on the map end of Pa. Oil refinery, Three months old. Changed name to or last name to LaRue – La R ?, Dropped baby off to visit, took off with baby in blankets, white cap, a pile of clothes, something about two months.

01-9-09 At someone apartment a female will long brown hair cleaning the bathroom or packing. Picking up things from under the sink in the bathroom. There was a new bag with two items in it. Pack of sheets or shower curtain, then something about a home invasion. The bathroom was separated by lights from under a wall. Under the sink were pieces of the tile missing or broken. Razor, dental picks on the floor of the bathroom. A small child being carried by a man, white with a black man. They walk upstairs they went towards the kitchen in the apartment and something about the left of the wall, spinning, and spirals around.

01-12-09 Some type of waiting room, children sleeping, Sponge Bob PJ’s, a hall at the back of the house, looking for a bathroom, Shower, water. Someone saying they all smoke out there, then there was morgue with cigarettes that was broken. There was tobacco all over the floor, items that they sell to celebrity. They look like sticks or statues (they were odd looking)  

01/19/09 House fire, two towers (Peco or radio) crashing to the floor. Small airport, small planes on fire Miami.

01/24/09 Omaha in the news, water, Chicago or conversation around Omaha and Chicago – some type of headline in few months in the spring.

03/02/09 A room or garage, brown in color, money drugs, partying.

4/29/09- 4/30/09 A female in a wedding dress, the dress looks like a cake, something about being very ugly.

Someone about a Mont Senior at a church. (I believe this had to do with a priest that was part of the investigation that happened in Philadelphia and relocated to a church in Bucks County- this was in the media) Something about having a connection to Harquinn Family like the publishing company. I think this was someone that I knew who was attending this church at the time.)

5/04/09 I received a message for someone I worked with – That her Grandson would outgrow out of his lung issues and that from a previous life where he and his Mother were brother and sisters, and both had TB tuberculosis and they were very fond of each and because of the lost in that life they carried it into this life because of the lost that they both felt. (Note I did research and there is a famous painting called the Sick child and it is in London. I was visually shown this image)

5-16-09 A motorcycle, a pizza shop, road name Canal street, Puerto

5-19-09 My son had a dream about tour bus getting in an accident with the one person would be critically conditioned and two other people would have minimum injuries. (few famous people have been injured in bus accidents)

7/26/09 Vision of that someone that worked in a soup kitchen or attended a soup kitchen was stabbed in the neck by another male.

8/01/09 Arch Angel Michael and day prior my mom said something to me about Arch Angel Gabriel. The following was something that I verbally heard:  You have long awaited the movement which is coming to you, but you must start cleansing you, your heart of any ills feelings towards others. This needs to be done. You must open your heart and yourself to the gifts you will receive. You must be in thanks for your journey and power. You must cleanse your thoughts that you are receiving to divine assistance. You must realize that you have it within yourself to be the person that you were sent here to be. You must choose your path. We support whole heartily. You must trust that you are being guided to your highest potential. You must love and let go. This is your path. Be true to yourself and everything else will follow. God has blessed you now and in the future. You must listen to the divine coming thru you. We are here to support you in your efforts. Be god’s light and love and everything else will follow. Blessing to you and your path and journey. Put your sadness away turn it over to God to spread his light a pond you. (Note: I had no idea or memory of writing the above at the time of writing it.)

08/02/09 Threats of a shooting at the Bristol elementary school, 6-8th grade. (Note: I look this up and there was an incident in Oct of 2012 of a threat. Not sure if there were previously threats or any other reporting).

Psychic Information 9-26-19

Since spirits and beloved departed friends and family don't seem to get that I have no idea who these messages belong too, I am going to post them here, because I no longer know what to do with them. And since my own life has been like a living hell I am going write as they come through. I don't read cards, I tried - they mean nothing to me. I get impression, dreams, images, smells and hear words or objects that have no meaning to me. So that being said, here is the following.  


9-25-19 April Love - not sure if it is a person or the physical month of April 2020 of next year.

9-26-19 A black woman standing a table or booth showing her back side to someone about having a tattoo of Ty or Tyree Roberts on there butt. 

Also a Dime is strange place ??? 

9-15-19 Let’s talk about Sex

9-15-19 Let’s talk about Sex

Yesterday, while working I had a conversation with a high school teacher who teaches algebra my least favorite subject vs teaching kids about financing and handling money. The teacher then informed that she had to teach one of the students how to figure out whether her student had gotten his girl pregnant. I asked the teacher what the hell is a 14-year-old boy or girl even having sex for.

Now I have two boys who I tried to educate not on just school matters but life. The teacher did not have an answer to my question as to why. I thought that she may have some insight that I didn’t.  I got to thinking about the conversation today, not that my parents ever sat me down and had any remote conversation about sex with me. Then I got thinking about my niece is in the early twenties and has four children already. So, I started to wonder what the hell is wrong here.

I have told and tell my children to follow their passion and see the world, do what you love, and it does not in entail making babies or getting married like the old program of getting an education, a job, find a partner and settle down to buy a house. I am not saying education is not important but that we put these social and society programs in their minds thinking that it is the only way that it should be done. 

 

Then my next thought is technology with all the technology that we have available how is that we can’t have a simple conversation with the ones that we care about the most. Are we all so busy pursuing money to support ourselves that we're failing our children and their ability to create a future and world that gives them choices? As I reflect on my own life and my children’s future would I have done things differently without a doubt, yes! 

At least I got to experience life before having children and that is the only wish for them, is to experience life and not be tied down to it. And know that it doesn’t have to be done a certain way. With what little guidance that I did get, if any, I have always known that it did not have to be done in any order or where we are brainwashed into thinking there is only one way. If that we true, then technology would not exist. 

You know I lived in a lot of places and see these children and some as young as five whose life is already been written for them because we as parents are failing them in so many ways that we keep fearing  having a conversation on sex or that they can choose a different life for themselves, culture or otherwise. We really need to stop, take responsibility and have a conversation that impacts that future of our children and our life. If we aren’t willing to challenge of own fears about sex, life, culture, religion or nationality then we're failing as humans.

Not Calling myself Spiritual Anymore ( Long version)

2-18-19 Not Calling myself Spiritual Anymore ( Long version)

I have not written in about a month. It is not that I have nothing to say or the guides have nothing to say. I stopped because I was fighting with myself to understand what was happening to me. Over the last six months I had several life challenges that have me questioning my spirituality. One thing it is exhausting looking for answers to why things happened me. I remember a time in my life where I knew what was expected of me and I did it. Now, I lived going from crisis to crisis, or as it seems. There is a quote saying that “God, will never give you more than you can handle”. Well, that maybe true, but the god part of me is saying this suck’s, it is painful and hurts.

I have been questioning calling myself spiritual, because I now see how it creates separation. What is even worst is that some of the people in these communities are no better than the average person, try to live their own life. Yet, they consider themselves awaken only to treat you just as poorly, if not worst, then someone not looking for higher purpose.

Along with questioning spirituality I have been questioning whether we are born into “Fear” and are just re-creating it. Because that is what is taught to us.  I currently see spirituality being taught that it is all oneness and love, yet I have reached out to people when I am in middle of something to find that door closed in my face. Or I am told to look within, and I am like, if you think that I have not already done that, and you really knew me; as well as you think I would not be reaching out to you for help. Or I see people presenting it as tool when it is an ability that we all have it and these same people claiming to be teacher don’t talk about the dark side of spirituality or what can happen to you and what you may experience.

Really, it should come with a warning sign. I did not travel this path necessary by choice, other then I want to know what was happening to me. After years of studying I am no closer to understanding my gifts then I was 15 years as go. And if someone is claiming that they have mastered intuition or healing energy, and they claim that they know all the answers, they are lying to themselves and you at the same time and most likely taking your money from you too. It a shame that learning to understanding your gifts has become a big business because it met to help you remember who you are and not what you been told.  

I also don’t know if I would tell you or teach anyone at this point about mediumship, psychic abilities or healing energy. It is my understanding that on some level I agreed to teach others and have told been that I am a cross between Sylvia Brown and Bryon Katie, whatever means. Maybe it means that at this point of my life tact is not one better sides. I have been told to go see that person or read this book or even find a mentor.  The mentors that I encountered know this work and what it takes to confront what it takes to steps forward. Yet, these same people (not all) who claim to want to help and serve people can be the most condescending people that I met. 

  I honestly thought that I could handle it but when my own life continues to be scattered into a million pieces repeatedly. I question the reality of pursue this path. I have spoken prior about this not being for the faint of heart. Your world will be turned upside down and then some. Most people who walk this path have experienced extremes in their life one day you can have a house and next you can be homeless on the street. You have a job and support of friends and family to losing them or walking away from them to even your children being taken from you.

Then I wonder how in good faith can I tell you or anyone that it is in the sake of expansion of your soul that you agreed to come to this planet and remember who you are! When it could better to explain your life as a sim and you are the creator of it and there is no straight lines. Humor on a serious matter.  Many who are spiritual per say would say that I am talking from my ego and that it is a polarity of words used like 3d or 5d, blah, blah is what I say. Or I have even been told look at the bigger picture and I am like what the fuck are you talking about because if I am not able to understand what is happen, how the f is the average person going to understand what is happening to them. Then I am told to look for the blessing and I am like what, I am living a cursed life and that is where “born into fear” question has come into play.

  And my conversation turns into “like but at some point, you have to come back down to the planet and be with this reality”. It’s great that you are thinking of the bigger picture but how is that helping the here and now!! How is that creating a future that serves humanity?

And maybe I am writing this out of fear or my ego and I am like great, I know I am still alive then, because I am doing a disservice to myself and anyone else if I am pretending that life is all rainbows and unicorns. Here is where my conflict lies in my person, I may not talk to you like this but in my private reflection I am. I not about pretending it is all bliss and I may not have all the answers, because If I did I would not be living the way I am and even be on this planet. I would have left by now.

Fear Propaganda:  See we fear others because we fear what we are capable of, that we could be just like them. Could you kill to save your own life or family? You may say I could not but how many times have you said I hate them, I could kill them, they should die or be made to suffer or any variation of these words. No one knows where their limit is and when even in the face of what is, do you have enough strength to not react, I know I don’t. If you asked years ago my response would have been different. Today my thought of such queries is changed. Maybe It is that I have seen too much or it’s my own karma or whatever I wrote for myself in this life time, but I can’t or don’t see it changing, and I went from being naïve to being part of it. And told to change your words and thoughts and have even stated in my own writing and even this writing.  but I am done. I am not going to sugar coat it anymore.

What is even worst is the fact people have thrown terms around without doing the actually work involved. Or maybe it me because I learned that I have always had gifts, like a lot of other people and we don’t even realize that were using natural gifts that we born with. I never meditated or ate healthy, sat in yogi positions for hours on end. Maybe if we lived in society that act taught us or I meditated from a young age I would not have such difficultly now. What I do know is that I have shit happen to me that I can’t explain under normal conditions or what seems unexplainable without looking into spirituality, metaphysical, psychology of Carl Jung and so many more.

I have seen humans do, say and write things about people like they don’t exist. I have had dreams and visions of things that would curl your stomach. I don’t write about them, first because some are disturbing, and it don’t pay the bills. Secondly, I don’t want to add to the maladaptive dysfunction that already exist in the world. Soon as you think that you have seen it all, something else comes ago.

Oh, and it should be noted worthily to say that I recently saw a spiritual medium high profile say something along the line of something with Mental health, knowing my own experience and pursuing my own degree that the Mental health industry is one of the most abused industries when come to metaphysical or parapsychology (sorry avoiding calling it spirituality). Unless you have someone that has an unexplained experience and has looking into it. The field of mental health is still surrounded in medicating for psychosis. They just legally push drugs onto you and you or I don’t want spend years get answers.

So, to conclude my rant about spirituality, If I don’t write for a period time it is because I am going through something and because this tends to be a lonely path of unbelievable situations that happen to you. I chose to get quiet and it is to process information or just get pissed off enough to let the shit go.  I would like to say that I have a hand full of people to go to when faced with a challenge’s, I have found this to not be the case.  If anything, my own research or questions bring me the answers that I am looking for. As well as learning some answers will not come until they are ready too.

The Voice Within © Donna L. Millward 2019

3-01-19 Ways in which We Love

Years ago, I read a small but powerful book about the ways in which we love. I tried to locate the title for reference here, but I was unsuccessful.  I believe the title was The Four ways in which we Love. This small book went through the ways that we ourselves receive love by asking questions like:

1.    Action: Do you received by someone doing things for you?

2.    Gifts: Do you received Love in the form of gifts that someone gives by appreciation?

3.    Communication:  Or it is when your partner expresses verbally to you, how much they love you for you being you?

4.    This fourth one I can’t remember but you can come up with your own:  Listening to you, being touched, connecting deeply to you and how you emotionally feel. There is a need to have a deeper soul connection to another, but you have to know yourself first.

I find that many times that we don’t even know ourselves enough to see how we express love to our partner or even our self. We want so much to be loved, yet it alludes us. I was wondering why this simple act comes with so many complications. I think it is because we’re not really taught about love in its trueness of its form. The word itself has come to mean so many other things that it gets lost. Love itself is a feeling and emotion which are two different things. Yet, it is used as more of a term of endearment then the true attribute that it is. Most Mothers and Fathers will tell you on the onsite of their child being born, that there are no words that can be expressed in the love that they feel for their child. It’s there the very moment that they see or hold their child for the first time.

People flutter to newborns as if they have never seen a child before. Why do you think this is? Is it because they are a true reflection of what we are, and we have just forgotten that part of ourselves. Much like a newborn baby are relationships to ourselves and others are about love too. So, what do our relationships have to do with ourselves?

The simple act of questioning what we know about expressing love within ourselves is the first start:                  

How do I express love?

How do I say “I love you” to someone?

Do I do things to express how I feel to someone that I love?

Do I express “love with gifts”, hoping the other person realizes how much I care for them?

There is no one way that we express love, most people expressed several of these ways to a partner or friends. There is even a difference when we express love to our friends versus our partner. We even go about saying that we love clothes, jewelry, cars, etc. you get the idea, but it is not the same as a person or a pet. We tend to say that we love ice cream, but do we question why we love it? Or is it a feeling that it brings to us? Besides not knowing how we express love, we don’t question how we were taught about love from our parents or guardians.

We tend to repeat the same type of love that our families gave to us until it is pointed out to us. Then we wonder why relationships fail and why we aren’t getting the love that we think we want. If we started questioning what are or were the ways that I wanted my family, parents or guardian to express love to me and felt I never received? You will find the one way that you are unconsciously wanting to be loved and are not getting it for yourself or from another. You see love begins with you and until you make these inquiries into yourself. There will always be something missing. You have to know what you were shown and how you want and need to be loved, to love another.

As most parents will tell you children or life does not come with a road map or book, but it does come with the ability to question a thought. Now if you travel a little further into the inquiry you will start to question the why’s as I call them. Where did my parents or guardian learn about love and what type of life did they lead or what type of history was playing out. These are all factors that are playing out currently in your psyche right now. So much of what you do is because we are taught to do instead of being. You went to school to do learning, to do work, to do what you were told and never really allowed to just be. You never were really asked what is love, what is it that I feel, what emotions do I feel and what is it to be myself.

 If you are born from love and raised to be love or loved, why is what you see so much outside of yourself reflecting differently then, you perceive. There is a saying “So within, So without”.  This is a metaphor for what is in you, is a direct reflection of what is happening in the world outside of you. 

There are songs, stories, plays, and movies written all about love but what is love really within me? Why is there a need to connect to it in another person? It is a simple question but is it ever really questioned? So, I will leave it with you for now.

To find love within you, you must first see love in you. before anything else.

  

  

                               Credit for Pic from Pinterest, quote from The Emerald tablet of Hermes, 3000 Circa BC

The Voice Within©Donna Millward,2019