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Friday, September 27, 2019

What is irking me? 9-15-19




I have gone silent over the several months, due to personal issues in my life that I just could not process fast enough as I walked through them. A few months back I wrote that I was not calling myself spiritual anymore due to few recent encounters with so-called people who for whatever reason felt the need to say and do things that as a teacher of any spiritual matter or metaphysical seemed ego-based. Yes, my own ego was bruised and still is. I looked to these people to help me understand what was and is still happening to me because I have read enough books at this point in my life to tell there is not one single answer to any given question or experience.

I also see being spiritual or metaphysical matter, call it what you will, marketed all over the internet as fix or quick overnight you will become a psychic or medium or channel information that you could not possibly know days or weeks before. I have been researching for 15 years and it does not work over night like that. If I could write any book it would be clean up your shit and by that, I mean your reality is yours only to you and if you have no knowledge of other people outside of the sphere of influence or your family. You’re in for an awakening that your wildest dreams could not conceive of. And to just to be clear to the people out there who knew me as a child, teenager, and young adult, even family, you only know what I let you know and what you or I experienced together. With that being said when things happen to you that you can’t explain or understand and realized that you saw, see things and said things as child and were told to not speak of them because of your parents fear to protect you or so you would not look crazy, because when I was born and years later we locked up people for seeing or talking about what they saw or experience. We still medicate people today for the same reason.

Back in the days that we lived in tribes or other cultures you went to your community witch doctor, shaman or even the women who worked with herbs or even religious people who had experience or knowledge of spiritual or metaphysical natures. Yoga’s have spoken about for years and there is movement to move back into balance with ourselves, nature and the planet. Had I not been denied or validation or encourage to speak or even write about what I experienced just maybe I would not have found myself in situations that I had. I was raised in a family that was incapable of seeing that children have a voice and that I or we had the right to be who we were. Instead, I was molded in a life that I hid in for fear of my safety, as well as having a traumatic experienced at an early age that left me lost between two worlds. At some point, I chose the latter. I have made several attempts at writing a book or what I experience and about my life. I struggle to expose my truth and not destroy what is left precious to in my life to me. I keep a tight lid on my privacy for fear of the backlash of people who on reading this would tell me differently. When I have told some people that I considered friends, they walked, or I walked away from them because we don’t want to hear truths.

Eight years ago, I walked away from the last of the people who I thought loved and supported me, to find that it was just me looking for the answers to why my life was destroyed in a matter of months and years. That the birth of my son and even before would send me on a quest to heal myself and understanding what was happening to me, better. What really sucks is that growth is gain thru chaos or trauma. The trauma could be an accident, illness or what you experienced in living this life. People don’t turn to spiritual matter unless they have experience something that there is no explanation for or there is a big calling that been since birth. Not that we all can do this, and we have forgotten, because there are people in power who don’t want you to know how powerful you are.   

So, when I hear or see people, even famous people marketing intuition or non-physical things to other people without offering some type of mentorship to people it is upsetting and grossly disgusting. It is like telling a college student you make 60-80k year for having a degree after graduating. Guess what that is slim and far beyond the truth or maybe it is my own lack of finding a teacher or some degree of understanding to put my own life in order without charging hundreds and hundreds of dollars to understand my spiritual gifts.
What I do know is that it’s not rockets science and kudos to the person who claims that they have all the answers to spiritual matter or metaphysical because they’re probably lying. I learned that more the questions come, or I ask, the rabbit hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Until you get to the point that you just want to walk away from it all because it is overwhelming.

I have tried on a few of these spiritual healing calling. I call them calling because they do call to you or you call them to you. And not everyone is supposed to do this work. There are mostly three things that help you on this path of work. One you need to meditate, clear your crap and have an open mind. Ok, maybe four or better things – reflect. Most people are taught the simplest lessons, yet do we do them. You may think that we do, but most aren’t. Be kind, treat others with respect, and universal law Do no harm, respect yourself and have a clear boundary, even with yourself and other people. No one has the right to treat you badly. On that note I will end it at this – if your curious or having a calling to spiritual matters your life will deeply change and you will become a better human for it, but with it comes  experiences, and challenges that you have/had no idea about or fears that been hiding in you for years and maybe centuries, if you believe it your first time on this planet. Oh, and maybe you should get comfortable with words like your Alien, you’re God having human experience.

Note: If you gotten this far- as for my book about my experiences and life, I may published here, because after doing some research I have come to realize that it maybe not be cost effective to publish due to the return on publishing it. Unless it published through a top publishing company the likely-hood of myself making the money back is not offsetting the cost or the time energy that it takes to publish it. Since writing it requires myself to go thru 86 hand written books and counting. And with 49 years of experiences going back to age 5 and a lot of self-healing and reflecting. To be able to begin to speak about, hence the name the Voice Within-

As Lady Gaga put it” I born this way”. And so were you.

Donna L. Millward

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