11-28-2020 Spiritual trauma

 

11-28-2020 Spiritual trauma

Is it possible to traumatized by spiritual matter? Yes, when the dreams or visions first started again, I was directed to read Sylvia Brown work and other author’s work with regards to Codependence, Adult children of Alcoholics and Neglected children syndrome. This broken off into other areas from addiction to quantum mechanics.  In a very short time my life went from having it all, to a matter of pieces. The person who directed me to the books disappeared. People showed in my life that to this day I don’t understand. You know were raised to help people out or I was, but there is a time when you will be taught a lesson about boundaries. As loving and helpful that you want to be for these people, it will show up and teach you a lesson or a few; about were you need to do work and they will not be fun or even humorous.

So, I went from owning a home to apartment after apartment to finally being homeless and having to move in with family which literally destroyed anything that resembled a family.  I have been attacked in my sleep to sleeping through earthquake. When you see or more or less feel something trying to have sex with you or something starts banging on the wall while you child sleeps next to you, you kind of freak out. I have had something walk through me to this day no-one can tell me what it was. And if they do that say most people don’t live through it. I watched a movie and seen the person’s eyes turn to that of snake. Or been in the food store and people start looking humans with heads of animals. I first thought that I see animal totems and now it seems like a Grimm Series of the television show.  

I was recent thrown off someone website because they sent me a link that that woman had a white snake around their neck, and it was attached to them. I have had experiences that I am walking by someone and physically go into cough spell or get violently sick. I had spirits that I wake up to that say she does not look like much or tall white beings standing in my room or been in places where you see half bodied spirits walking around. I been in people’s apartment and full black spirts walk thru the apartment. It funny (it not Funny) because no-one really talks or writes about these things.

People say put white light around you or call on your guides to shield you and now people are saying that even that has been highjacked. I have been knocked out of my bed. One person I know recently after a short conversation showed a picture that they were sent and there was picture of a rather demonic spirit in their picture of where they work. Or people tell about how that closet and doors open in there home and have come with them when they move. Can I tell how to get rid of them NO. I don’t even understand why I see them, and other people don’t. I can close my eyes and see things that are completely screw-up.

I have seen black portal in form of box or orange portal open up next to one professor while in college. I have a female spirit with a tiger tattoo stand next to my desk at work. I have seen an image of person split in too different directions while in another class with the same professor. In the meantime, I keep looking for answers as to what hell I am supposed to do with these things that I see. I see light language and have no idea what to do with it because other people write the language or sing it. I freak out people because I say things that apparently no one knows. There are no secrets in the spirit world. I have encounter people and after speaking up because they think they say anything to me my entire body starts shaking. Most of what I know I had to read in books, videos and the courses that I have taken, and seem to make matter worst. I have prayed to deity or Archangels that I come across. I have a quantum healing under hypnosis, shamanic person, not real shaman to have healing done. I have felt a piece of myself leave because of other trauma.

It irks me that more people in the spiritual community don’t speak out about their trauma and they (not all) walking around like its Fluffy spirituality and when people call it a dark night when it could be years of stuff coming at you. Then their people who are playing in it who have no business being in it because their intention is for abuse or power, to control others. Taking money for services or when they really not helping people. Or you ask them questions to have better understanding for your own knowledge and tell you for a fee I will help you. I even have fees because I have to live and a have place to live even when I can only share what I know, or the guides say thru me or they tell me. They say what does kill you makes you stronger. Well I can tell you that there are days that I am fine and other days I rather lie on floor and not get up.

I have a therapist that I see just from the personal trauma that I have experience then bring in the spiritual part, thank god she is open to it and even she wants to put me on medicine seems like that bright idea, when I just want to understand what to do with information or control it, so I not a walking around waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from me. Which is how I view my life at this point. I remember hearing over 10+ years ago enjoy the ride, well it is a ride, it certainly was not fun or even pleasant. They say meditation is the quickest way to get the information, well that fine if you’re not a walking radio tower that turn back on one day that wasn’t fully turn off. Or Set an intention and focus using an affirmation or control your thoughts, breathing, align your charka’s or whatever. Grounding into the earth, I like to crawl into hole and not come up most days. I keep sensing that the guides want me to talk and I don’t like being on camera and you can’t necessarily talk to people if there no-one to talk to about it. Yet even ask questions without some use of technical skills, which I don’t to care to do and I don’t work well under that type of pressure to performance like a circus act. So here I am typing what is running around in my head because I apparently need to make space or tell someone about this stuff. I find myself more frustrated these days because well no one knows what is going to happen from day to day. I have tried to plan or make intentions only to have things that I thought my life would be, dissolve and it like picking up the laundry.  Even as I sit here writing this down, I find myself getting bite by bugs in the apartment where the carpet has not been replaced because I find myself in a spiritual or karmic situation that I can’t not see my way out of. Other then to wait and see game, which has grown old and tiring for the benefit of what.

What is to come next? My guides direct me to things like it over and I say elfin right because from were I currently sit, it still the same as it was 30 seconds ago or even yesterday or five years ago. One psychic told me I am like Sylvia Brown and Bryon Katie, well Sylvia Brown people have disrespected, and Bryon Katie method never even touch on the root cause. No disrespect to either but fundamentally not knowing the source of whether it taught or learned, or an elfin program running is like saying its ok that treat people the way we do.

 I done it and I am shame that I was doctrine into it. Knowing that it is not supposed to be this way. I can’t tell you why because I have always felt this way.  Lady GG puts it this way “born this way”, well we were all born this way and for whatever reason some remember, or something happens to get people to wake the elfin up. Can I teach you; I have no idea? Can I point you in the right direct to understand why something may have happened or is it happen maybe! Can I do it without you completely chose everything that you have worked for and not getting piss-off at myself or the world when you find out the truth, “NO”. The fact is that you have been lie too for years and it has been hidden and in plain sight at the same time. I heard that we agree to do this way, yet I find it extremely hard to understand why We or I would have chose to do this way. This only applied if you think earth is not the only planet that has life on it. Anyone else reading this would not be here to this point in the writing and if you are and disagree that ok, I see you when you wake up. With that being said this is the end of the writing.