6/15/26 My Ramblings of when People say I wish I could do what you do:

And my first thought is, why? Because, as glamorous as videos and Hollywood would make it seem, along with other people, who make it out to be. It is far from the whole truth. I sit with things that I know about, meaning the dark stuff of child abuse, child rape or violation, or violence by the parent, husband, sibling, or boyfriend. Or other gnarly stuff done without someone's consent. Much less a cheating spouse or even seeing an illness or death that has already been written. It's not all, Mom, or Dad, whoever has passed over, and certainly not about lottery numbers, because there would be no need for me to work.  (This is only a small description of my encounters) 

I don't know if it shows when someone is reading tarot cards in front of you. I had people read for me or use tarot cards to say things to me, to question whether it happened because they said something to me or because I didn't listen to my own knowing, and created karma by disempowering myself, or leave in tears because of how it was presented without any tact. As for a video per se, most of the readings are for a general audience. I question the ethics on some, and there are 8.2 billion people on the planet, the last time I checked. The likelihood that someone speaking verbatim and directly to you, through a tarot card reading via YU video, is that you are more likely to be struck by lightning. Jokingly, I don't wish that on anyone. Side note: There may be a question of created reality, like deja vu, beforehand, because always manifested in the present moment. 

 I see some people speaking about telepathy, which is all well and good, but are they teaching the difference between various beings that are out there because it is not all light, as they would have you think. Or what about hearing random information, like they're an alcoholic, there's not a good person, they use people, or what about illness, they're lying to you and themselves. Even things like don't buy that car or sign that contract. 

I think about these things as I watch or listen to someone speak in a video or the various manifesting videos telling you if you believe hard enough, it will happen for you, or what about your soul's blueprint, maybe you're not supposed to be a famous person, or you want wealth and chasing it, leading you in the wrong direction, chase something that's not really important, in the scope of things. 

Or the newest one, you're here to change the world, well, that's a very large shoe to fit into and solve world problems. Our governments can't even work together.  Maybe just try to treat people and yourself with love and kindness, and no, you're not here to love everyone. Even with the knowledge that all is from the one source, or loving yourself first, and maybe not in a narcissistic way, maybe try being yourself for a while, if you even know what that is. Maybe learning to set clear boundaries and not trying to fix the world, because trying to fix the world or people is saying that they are not a sovereign being living out their own soul blueprint and their choice for this life. As guides have said your not here to save people from suffering. 

I am saying not this because I don't want people to not do it, but because there are burdens that come with this work, and as fairy, magical, and lighthearted as people make it out to be, it comes with huge responsibility. Because if I could go back, I would do an about-face and say, "Thanks, but no thanks." That apparently is not my soul's calling in this life. And I spend the better part of my life trying to understand my innate gifts, clear the crap that is on-going that I've gone through before and after. To sit here and say, "How do you teach people to do this work for themselves?" When I have been trying to figure it out for over two decades, myself. That is before I knew that books even existed, which, unlike other people had knowledge of or even been taught about. You don't learn this work in a day, week, or even a year. I would not even suggest it in five years, because it is on-going. 

To question what hell am I doing because by all accounts my life has not improved, more like destroyed it, and then some, to become smaller when I realized that the world is a pretty messed-up place. To what, then, you have changed, but the world has not, and looks pretty rough with all the distractions that do not account for providing for a life that is gone, in a world that is working backwards against itself. 

I should also mention that when the door blew open after my son's birth, I was overwhelmed by it, not prepared in any way for what was happening to me.  Even to this day, I feel unprepared and numb by it all at times. I am now calling it spiritual noise, wondering whether it's worth it to continue, trying to do this work. I sit here with no real idea where it is going, and I can't decide whether I am overwhelmed with it because of dealing with one thing after another. 

All I wanted was to work from home, and where I live now, I would never call it home. I wanted to be there for my children, and that was taken from me by the courts, the system. Friends and family, as well as partners, are all part of the destruction of my life, and there are just too many fake people to have to weed through them to bother, or I find that people have no idea how to connect on a deep soul level. I get it, people don't know emotional intimacy, because your parents had no clue, and who knows how far back it goes, or life gets busy. We don't practice sharing emotions or over-sharing because we learned to stuff so far down, or for drama, for lack of attention, or martyr ourselves, that we are afraid of feeling the emotions of them and ourselves.

 We have no idea how to be present with people, and much less with ourselves. The old adage " get it done, and move on". I think well, if you're not present for people and not present with your partner or kids, are you present in your own life? Then again, this is the pitfall of the empath, because we feel too much, or is it a natural inclination as humans? Due to no clear boundaries, due to poor parenting, or due to society, social platforms, and media's conditions. Something that I have been questioning recently. 

This may be because I feel the intent of use of the wording and its projection by people speaking out about it, using the Empath and Avoidance (not sure if using the narcissist as the avoider, now) by Carl Jung as a gateway for explaining generations of a dysfunctional society, but what do I know! I gave up being a counselor when teachers argued that mind-body separation still exists, and it dates back to the 17th century with Descartes, who argued that there is a connection, which I think has been taken out of context, that there is a spiritual soul aspect to you and life. Maybe it is religious dogma to keep you separated from yourself, versus as in " know thyself".  And what does that really mean! Since you have been told who you are or projected who you are since coming into the world. And maybe that's where we should start, the beginning of all the things that you're not. 

I am hearing to post this, but feel at the same time it is incomplete. I added to it, took things out and away, and biased with my opinions on things, and not always positive on things, as they are presented by others. But that has not been my experience, and I think it should be presented as such. This is not taught in a video, TV segment, or really spoken about. 

6/10/26 Disclosure

 I read a lot. The Thiaoouba prophecy book is something that crossed my path. I don't get commission, sponsorship, or funds of any kind. With that said, this book is on YouTube, missing chapters, but available and readable online, via Amazon, or in hard copy. 

Now, since we are disclosure, and books like this are never going to be provided via the government or media, by the science community, or the likes of anyone in power, why tell you, because they can control you and your mind. It sounded better in my head as a creepy, eerie voice. Joking aside, if anything, it is an interesting read. You believe what you want or educate yourself or not. I am a messenger and not trying to sway you either way. That is not my job. 

6/13/26 

I went to see the movie Disclosure. A few years back, I had gotten that there would be a movie explaining where we come from. I'm not sure if this movie fits the bill in that sense. I tried looking in my writing, but being that there so much material, it pulled everything that was listed with a movie or message. Back to the movie, it has only been an hour since I left the theater, and twice I almost cried, and have mixed emotions as to why, feeling vindicated, acknowledged, high strangeness, home, and realizing that this movie is like a soft opening, whether you believe in it or not, as in other beings existing. 

As to why the mixed emotions, I think it has to do with not feeling crazy, even though I know I am not. Having only realized yesterday that I am an experiencer, whether by soul blueprint or choice. To question how many generations forward and back does this goes within my family and fear ridicule. Also, whether it also applies to the military background with the ancestry. In the movie, animals are used as contact (sorry, spoiled), now I had a stag deer appear in front of me, like right out of Harry Potter in my living room, and I was like wtf. This was after an encounter with two child beings, whom I also encountered. As I am watching the movie, I am like ok was it presented as Stag or another being?  Or even when a groundhog came within three feet of me recently. Someone said groundhogs are mostly blind; I don't care. Animals know whether humans are near or when a storm is going to hit; that's why you don't see them, for their use of innate abilities. Something humans are losing touch with. For me, it is asking more questions. (And some are just animals)

I have previously written about the Stag and two children, which is searchable in the search bar. I have on numerous accounts tried to get answers by going to several hypnosis facilitators to encounter whether it is their ego, or leaving feeling ungrounded and not in my body, to having someone get upset for me to pick a single event, which is more plentiful and abundant, had they questioned me more beforehand, and not lead with an such an open question, as I was walking through traumatic events one after another. As I continue to search for a credible person to take me through a lot of whys in my life, to apply some of what I know to help me and others, outside of this blog. 

All this came about by listening to my intuition, because I like I already know why do I need to see it, the movie. Well, I am glad I did. Even knowing there will be people who don't believe until it is in their face, or not.  

I previously had mixed feelings about tarot cards, in that you are giving your power away to someone else, versus listening to yourself. 

I also want to note: two other writings, one about Mirrors and the other Masks, life is always mirroring to you or something about you. 

6/10/26 I Accidentally poison myself

 So, I accidentally poison myself, not on purpose, but like most people, I use melatonin to help stay asleep between spirits waking me up, the things that I have gone through, and the nonsense of neighbors who can't get a sleep schedule. So what happened is I purchased a different brand of melatonin without thought, thinking that it was the same as what I'm using. Well, let's just say it was not. I had a severe allergic reaction to something in it. I started with a rash that consumed 80% of my body, and multiple tubes of hydrocortisone and allergy medicine to become a human scratch pad for the last two months. It took over a month to realize what the culprit was. This was only by eliminating soaps, deodorant, laundry soap, food, snacks, bread flour, vitamins, etc. Yikes !! Why am I posting? I see in the aisle with the vitamins in, for children and adults alike. 

I'm lucky that it didn't go into anaphylaxis shock. I have allergies and sensitivity to smells and chemicals, which are pretty much sprayed on everything coming from overseas. I initially thought it was from throw carpets that I purchased because it started on my hands and arms, and traveled my entire body, causing me to rethink that it was something I ingested. It could have been one or both. I know that once I stopped the melatonin, my body, my skin, stopped freaking out, and started healing. I'm not going to give the brand should something come about from it, but I had no idea that it could cause or have a reaction like that after years of taking it off and on. Yet, this brand I have never used before, either. 

I am calling poison; any reaction like I had is poison to the body. Was it brand, and cut with something? I will not know. After all, I didn't go to the doctor because I didn't want to be pumped with steroids and other drugs, tests, and scopes. I do not recommend this, and one should seek medical attention. As it has left scars, and hopefully with time, they will light up.  I stopped taking melatonin altogether to not have another scare, in the meantime.  I can't tell you what to do, but with anything, do your research, and even if the doctor suggests or gives an Rx for it. For this is not the first reaction that I had to medicine, a first with a product that sold a supplement product. Also, it was the lowest dose was used. 

Oh, and yes, I am intuitive, but I am human too, so I look at it this way: with my experience of this I would be able to write about it. Life is a journey, not a destination. 

6/09/26 NO tarot cards - intuitive information

 06/09/26

Firstly,  I got seismic activity in my sleep, and it has recurred for the last two days.  Earthquakes, volcanic, etc. 

Morphogenetic field? 

The law of reflection. I thought this was one of the universal laws. Apparently, it is physics explained as follows: The law of reflection states that when a ray of light hits a surface, the reflected ray bounces off at the angle equal to the incident ray. Both angles are measured relative to the "normal"—an imaginary line perpendicular to the surface at the point of impact.

Heard Bucaton- not sure of spelling. Could be Boca Raton. I have gotten it in the past, too. 

6/1/26 Reclamation: the act of restoring something to useful function or original state, or the process of claiming back something that has been lost, abandoned, or discarded. 

6/02/26 I keep hearing the song Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz - not sure if a message. I certainly like to fly away most days. 

06/03/26 So I asked the guides about spiritual noise, because I think spirituality can be just as much of a distraction as the media. As in this one said this, and that video is this, and that book is different from that one. And I do this work, and find it disconcerting at times. 

This falls in line with the next question for guides, which I have asked before about memberships, tribes, join this communities. I am all for Unity, the reality of that, it takes some serious shadow-work, serious alignment, and discipline in this world. As the guides did not answer my question directly, because they know that I knew the answer to my own question, having direct experience of everything being connected. That does not mean that I am infallible in what I witness. 

I do belong to a few groups, and have moved in or out of many over the years, to question why I am doing this when I have a direct connection. I think sometimes it is about validation and not seeing proof in real life, to support what comes through, and even intuitive, because I no longer look for proof. There is again no one path, or experience, and the word experimental is an accurate word description. 

6/04/26 I'm going to assume this a message, why because: A female said to me, is or saying My sister and I have babies on the same day at 8AM and 9AM, along with my mother, never had High blood pressure until that day. ??? I am just the messenger. 

Alessandro ? message maybe 

Hearing a bender? No idea who, but don't think your loved ones can't see what's happening. 

6/05/26 Hearing Freedom by George Michael - message heard several times on repeat. 

Let's talk dreams. I have a lot of them, some make no sense, others seem like different lives and on other planets or different lives on this planet, as I am a witness or observer to them, or possibly process information from this life. So why is it important? I write these down because the soul is talking to me, whether the information is important or not. Some people will say I don't dream, well, that is nonsense; something is blocking it. Whether it is you or medicine, illegal drugs/ now legal, or alcohol, can cause distortion of dreams or even accessing them.   Excess alcohol will close off the heart chakra, creating problems and health issues down that road, as well as illicit substances, creating imbalances in the body. 

Ie: I had a dream with a message in it because I knew the two people in it in my real life. 

Ie: I had a dream: 40, 20, 80 Tonnages, Calling a terminal, Men smoking, then there is a knock at the door, someone is standing there, the light blinked or flashed, and I woke up from it. Now this makes no sense to me. I have worked in different industries, and no one in the US refers to truck shipments as tonnage. And a very clear use of the word Tonnage. I don't normally post them because I don't know what to make of them. 

Ie: House by the river. This was not a house per se, looked to abandon building, with trash and debris on the floor, stuff everywhere. I thought it was me, but again I am a witness at the time in these dreams in the Astral body or OBE,  some things that I experience since I teenager, any who, something figure how to pay for the rent, one female said she was going to look for bottles to put things in, another female asked what all the trash on the floors. I said What about the kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms - then I came back into my body and woke up. * When I questioned things in the dreams, it will kind of tell you whether it was a dream or an astral body; you come back to my body right away. 

Buenos Aires, Argentina? 

3I Atlas? 

Messages or Guides use music (?)

Hearing Michael Jackson, Beat it.

Hearing, Kung Fu fighting

Hearing Walter Cronkite ( now I know that he has passed), so was someone an avid watcher!

George Michael -Freedom (different day) 

6/09/26 I got Doubting Thomas, is this implying the Bible or someone being the skeptic? Honestly, I weigh in on being the skeptic because with so much disinformation or right out lies, one needs to be discerning, with AI music, video, and commercials. With life in general. 

This brings me to my title. I am often asked if I read cards. NO, never needed them. I heard my guides since 4-5 years old. I tried to read cards for a few years and finally decided it was not in the cards, so to speak. They do not speak or talk to me like other readers would say, and they are only a medium, like a painting or music. You see the colors, or picture, or hear the music tone to paint the picture or create music. 

 

 

5-31-26 Intuitive information

 A Grandfather in Spirit: So I was going to sleep, and all I hear is a Grandad saying the Pledge of allegiance in my ear.  Since most people have had a relative who served. The only thing that I have to go on is that date. 5/22/26, so maybe there is a connection by the date of 5/22! * and this man 60-80? White, round face. 

So here is another, and your relatives can be quite comical. On 5/21/26, right before I woke up in the morning, I heard, " We Snore Together when we sleep", by an older woman, no name. But I was like, what, in a funny kind of way! 

5-22-26 I have gotten "God among Men" several times, so I asked what the reference is, and it was explained that humans, both male and female, consider themselves to be less than God, when the truth is, where did you come, being that the reference alludes to you that are gods among men in form. 

5-23-26 I'm not sure if a message or connection to something else, or the song  "Come as you are" by Nirvana, or a part of a Bible reference. 

Heard: 5-23-26  the Blood of the Earth, I asked if it is about the oil or the water? Or another reference or message,  I also questioned whether it is referring to the blood of war that has been spilled on the planet. I have not received an answer. Note, there are several songs you can Google with the same title. I don't know if it a song, I am a messenger. 

I heard 5-23-26 The Whales under Belly," yes, it is written right, written as I received it. Here is the explanation, final separation for one's known world and self. Threshold of a new phrase, deep surrender, and dark night of the soul that precedes a profound personal transformation or rebirth. 

5-25-26 The song: It's Magic by Pilot. Message? I question the use of the word Magic, because it is used in the spiritual community a lot. When the fact is that all gifts are innate to us, yet they seem like Magic when they happen. I got the word Angel when I was writing this. Another message? 

5-26-26 I heard several times about the witch's wound or the word Persecutions, which you can look up. I questioned the use because by all accounts, collectively we all carry it, whether you believe in reincarnation or not, on this planet or another one. It is the fear of being seen, heard, speaking up against injustices, or punishment, since we tend to live in a fear-based reality, whether you follow the news in any form. That the power lies in the hands of a few, when the opposite is true. Along with this thought, that it can go several directions, such as privacy, AI, Data Centers, autonomy, social, economics, modern-day slavery, etc.. lists can go on, on, and it's a whole rabbit hole dive, in itself.  

5-26-26 Something Unparalleled- unimaginable, profound coming, a good thing. 

5-28-26 Ford Motor Company? 

5-30-26 This next one is confusing me: Before waking up, I heard a woman's voice say: I am his Oswega? I could be pronouncing and spelling it wrong. I took it as a Grandmother, but that could be wrong too. There are several locations in the US with that Name, but not the spelling.  Oswego by Iroquois Native American/Six Nations- means the pouring place, mouth of the stream. Who is the " him "? Good question, what Oswega truly means, another good question. I also looked up different languages for the names, for Grandmother, nothing came close. 

5/31/26 Song Shakedown by Bob Seger - I have had this song in the past, and it normally comes with some type of truth going to be exposed. 

I also heard on 5/31/26, to put focused intention on heaven on earth. 

 

05/31/26 Children of Earth (channeled)

 Now is the time to stand tall on the adventures that await you. Do not fear, for the shadows are just that. Much will change, and with forward movement as it progresses. We await your return to balance to see the everlasting change that is among your planet. Stay in hope, stay in faith, stay in gratitude for All is ONE. 

Good day for now.  

05/2726 Global dismemberment

 In shamanic practice, there is a vision or the soul calls forth the dissolution of the false world that has been created. One where the paradigm changes from what was to something that only seems like magic, or paranormal, or what can seem like a psychosis when everything that you formally knew dissolves and changes, morphs into what is real and not real. 

*Note, you can Google: Shamanic or spiritual dismemberment. 

What is being seen and felt around the world is a shift from one world to another; this is not an instance but a gradual step into something new. All the darkness that more or less has been hidden below the surface is coming up to be looked at with new eyes to make choices as to whether we as humanity want to continue to deceive ourselves that we are powerless creators to change our reality. 

You're taught that you are second to the Gods, that too of the powers to be, when it is simply not true. It is time that you know who you really are, and as the old world collapses to restructure itself, you will have to make choices along the way as to what works and what does not.  

********

So, I wrote this today, but it seemed disjointed in its connection to information. And it is disjointed only because I don't completely understand it, and what I see most people want is prediction, or to do this work, without cleaning up their shadow selves, or manifesting dream life, again, without doing any real work. This is as I sit here typing this, questioning spirituality within my own life and whether it has benefited me to continue down this path.

 This is, of course, after asking myself why certain things have played out in my life and why, on most days, I feel I live two very different lives. And like most people, I like having control or continuity. Not that I feel I have had any control or stability in the sense of manifesting, having to make decisions and choices, on the fly or without a great ripple effect that reaches farther and deeper than I ever thought possible.  

When I tell those who ask that I have done this my whole life and have blocked it to a degree because people are cruel, they are like, "It's so cool," and say, "I wish I could do that." I say, " Well, you can with practice. Yet, I also hold my tongue, because as more and more people awaken, "it is so cool", via media such as video, or what have you. The truth is, most people are afraid of the truth, and what they are not even honest with themselves about, they pretend to be. This is not all people, but a great number of people.  

I was shown a few years back a sphere and all these lines, we will call them timelines, that would converge into a single thread or line. I knew what I saw in the image. I once asked what I thought about creating a world that is what most believe is ideal. I think, for I am not them, on what a world not even conceived of, I stated maybe a 1000 years, that is a long time. (Note: 1000 years, is my thought, not based on information I received, the person who questioned me was not questioning me out of interest, but arrogance) I think we are the beginning of some profound stuff or truths. 

This is also when we can't put down our own judgments, based on limited knowledge or understanding. For example, I went to the store yesterday, and a woman who did not know me made a judgment about me without even saying a word, yet I felt it. Standing there, I knew it was not my stuff, and her projection was based on something that I mirrored to her, something about her. Of course, her judgment was unfounded and limited by her filter of perception of me. This shows that we are quick to past judgement without validation of information, about anything. 

As for the title and why the guides gave me the title before the context, I am assuming is because I am always asking why, because my own life was real physical dismembered not as image, or a request at the time, that it happened, for I knew nothing at time other than being extremely sensitivity to peoples energy and a door that open without any true guidance and the people who I did know were out of my reach, and family that came with own reckoning of destruction. I would like to say that I have recovered and integrated all that I learned. The truth is, it is a daily practice, and some days there are no answers. 

I recently told someone that I surrendered both worlds, and they told me I gave up. I said No, I surrender it, it is not giving up; it is surrendering to the unknown, to stop trying to control it, because there is no real control over how fast or slow things happen. This is after twenty-plus years of dismantling my life. Some people experience it as illness, accident, death, divorce, or loss of a job, one of a thousand ways that it could happen. Mine was down to a suitcase and a few boxes when it was said and done.  And try as I might, neither side of my life is whole and complete. It seems to be an ongoing process of letting go, or acceptance of what is, or allowing things to unfold as they come. 

So, the conclusion of a very long explanation, that I don't know what is coming, unless it is given to me, for I am here to experience those same events, as everyone else. What I can tell you is that spirituality is about being connected to your true self, not about the predictions, probabilities, or where we came from, or where we are going. For we are the creators of our reality from a soul level and not a mind level.