I don’t know about you per se, but I have always been connected to the other side call it heaven, call it god or the universe. For as long I can remember it was not supposed to be this way. Whether it’s my remembrance of being off planet or another reality. We all come in with memories but normally by age seven we forget that we have this connection or earlier depending on our birth family thoughts of life, God or beliefs in religion, and what they experience thus so far. Now I believe and think the only reason that I continue to have a connection is because after researching my life of memories, what I told and the putting the pieces together like a big puzzle.
In my own life were
born into this family with family histories that go back generations after generations
of time. We come into these families to clear karma or belief systems that our
parents carry, or grandparents experienced. In my own life I have experienced control,
verbal abuse, threatens of punishment or abuse, neglect, codependency, threaten
to be killed, assaulted physically, emotional and addictions. Assaulted sexual and
threaten to put jail, had my child removed from my care and considered taking
my life more than once because I was in so much pain from what I experienced in
my family or by other people, who call themselves humans.
The way I see it is
that I have experienced trauma from my birth on. I often wonder why my parents
had me because they never seem to care about me, unless I was doing something
that they did not like, which seem like everything that I did was wrong or not
what they expected, which is also confusing because there was no structure. We
existed and left to the whims of whatever was happening that day. My father was
or became an alcoholic and my mother was codependent. Both seem to stem from
their own upbringing and what was happening with the world and history.
If I take my father as
example, my father was raised by my grandparents. My grandmother I have no
family ancestry on. My grandfather was raised in orphanage after his father was
alcoholic and the mother was never mention as to what happen to her. He had one
brother that at some point was separated from and never saw again. I know that
he looked for him, and investigate, researched his birth family, much like I
have; trying to understand how everything interrelates as to why things have
happen the way they have in my own life, as well as my grandparents, my own
family.
My mother was raised by
her parents, even with have connections to second cousins and aunts, there seems
to be no history of experiences or events that have been passed down. My
grandfather serviced in WWII as part of Navy. I have no idea what he experienced
or any knowledge of his own family history. Other then a connection to the
Iroquois Indians through my great grandmother who passed before my birth. As
more and more family pass on the information gets even more less available to
understand how one generation effects the next. I have no idea as to whether my
own grandfather was alcoholic too and that why my own mother was attracted to
my father.
See we tend to repeat
family histories, beliefs, thoughts, and patterns, because that is all we know,
less we develop or challenge what is taught, or question does this hold truth
for me. Maybe I am different in the fact that I remember that I born from god
or source, creator. I have always known this and regardless of all the
information and family history has created a conflict within my soul.
So where does this leave
me, if I am born from god, love, why is there so much conflicting information. Why
is there so much distortion? I always felt that I was born to the wrong planet
and family. Everything that I have experienced in my childhood keeps playing
out in some form or another. I have been proving and fighting my way thru this
life going back to possibility my birth. I once asked my mother what kind of
child I was the information that was giving was limited, much like she was not even
there. Just creating more confusion, since I am a parent, and I can remember
key points that I have known about my children and their own personality.
While realizing that I
done a disservice to own my children and them because of my own childhood and
assuming that my children were not born of the same God and I am really not the
authority over them, that God is the only person, or energy that is. I can
guide and protect him and be a guide to them when questions arise, but it is there
own life to become who they are met to be. Both my parents were raised in a
church to some degree but pulled away from the same distortions that is often
found within many religions. Which I think is a struggle for all of us.
Were taught to be kind,
loving and then we encounter these people, who have done things that is the furthest
thing from a God. Now if I am God at our core, for one you think that we never
encounter these problems or is that the distortion that we’re taught. I had a
professor once say that were creating psychopaths and I asked for evidence to
support his theory. Mind you he was not much older than myself, which is why I
probably got away with my statement. He did not have response to my statement. It
was as if he was making that statement regarding everyone in that room at that
moment. He failed to see that were all children of god or made in that image of
God as the bible states. And all religions point to something other then the messenger.
Yet were taught that we have sinned or
punishable because we did something thousands of years ago. Whether I agreed with past lives or not, does mean
that I should be punished in this lifetime, how long due I have to carry the
debt or life sentence, until I remember that I am part of God, too.
If am part of God, why
did I experience these horrific things by other people? Is it karma for the
past lives or was it put there for my soul growth? Did I do something to bring
it upon myself? Am I clearing my parent’s beliefs and karma, again, when does
it end? Are my children subject to my same karma or the generations before? Was I programmed to reflect these thoughts and
patterns to no end! So, because my grandparents did clear their own karma and
develop forgiveness, love and boundaries, these cycles just repeat forever,
over and over again.
This seems to make
sense and in the same moment it does not make any sense. Why would a loving God
or any being want us to live repeating cycles of things that are experienced on
this planet, and to just recycle history. When history is painted as grim
state. And if you’re lucky enough and taught anything different other then fear
based history. The education system barely touches on advancements, or how
technology is a tool and until you reach a college level, if you are fortunate,
you have will to explain something or think for the first time. College is limited
too because they still train you into the same limited thinking unless you have
a teacher that pushes the boundaries on what is possible, one of the dreamer of
the world. After researching even these same people or students leave because
they see that it not about expanding the mind or growth in the potential of
endless possibilities but have adhering to the same outdated mental thinking.
If I look at my
childhood exploring my mind and my feeling was not part of everyday life. It
was do as your told and stay within the lines. And needing an answer now, whereas
thinking and processing was an afterthought. Even now friends, think that they
have the answers to solve some of problems that I face, as well intend as they
may be. They think that if I become a clog in machine that if just take this
job as temporary solution that it will resolve my own insecurity of unstable
world and people. That I just take that position or do that work it is going to
fill this need at the moment of my desire to question what is presented. Maybe
it my sign that I born under or greater knowing that it can be better. How we
constantly focus on the negative instead looking to resolve the whole in more
humane way.
I am thinker and
normally to speak about things unless a question is asked of me and whether I
was taught from the beginning that I was not supposed to intuitively know things
or the old reality that seems to be on its last legs to control us, that we are
thinking and feeling beings. Again, don’t believe that God or any being that send
us here to play small. But how does one have a voice of reason or even
discussion among that many? I repeatedly ask for guidance because I am lost as
to what to do next. Fear seems to be staple of what is to be served up. With
all that I know or don’t know I look for the answers to solve the smallest to
largest questions that we face in general. Do I think that the government or
our world leaders can be the voice of reason for all, No. Do I think that we
all have a responsible to work together regardless all the separations, yes!
I think it is time, to
put our differences aside and work to together. I don’t know where I will be tomorrow or six
months from now, but try to be integrity with myself, because I know that
everyone is me and everyone is god, even while my neighbor is obsessively slamming
the door at this moment, because of his own inner fear of what exactly, I don’t
know, nor do I care to know, because that is his stuff to address.
People tend to think
that it is the thinking mind that doing the thinking, I believe it is the heart
and mind is just the processor for the body working in tangent with the heart,
because if you’re living from the heart, the thoughts and talking is doing that
talking and not the mind. Even your voice can be felt and heard from the throat
not the mind. Honestly people have asked me why they didn’t know that I had
these intuitive gifts, I did know they had name and well we don’t really talk
about important things or see the interconnection to all things.
If taught to direct our
thoughts from the beginning we would be living in a different reality, and the
multiple infractions that think that if you knew that you had the power to
change the world and this reality, they would not have the same power over you
as they currently do. Control, fear, suffering and death our powerful indicator
for breaking the laws or rules, punishment for stepping outside the normal,
which really is an ambiguous meaning, that normal is standard for all, but if
look around the world, your town or your family, your perceived normal does not
exist in the context that it is used.
People argue about standardization
for all that it will some how take away from one’s ability to make money, money
is just an agreement of payment for exchange of something. Money and rock have
same value (money is no longer back by gold and silver) both build something
with enough of them. One buys and other builds, when the general populous can
not provide for their means, there is imbalance. When genders have been out balance
and one over-power one to think one is less or better then another is any terms,
it is a ripple in fabric of our humanness that one is better than the other.
One needs the other to balance the wheel, so to speak. (we end lesson for today)
No comments:
Post a Comment