5-31-23 A little story

 I have now spent the day writing and normally don't check email or the dumb pop-up on my phone. Well I don't need for the endless annoyances of them and I am not attached to technology in that way. But in my email I got information regarding benefits for a company I don't work for and have not for over two years and I also received information in the postal mail regarding something that I apparently have an option of benefits of things through this other company, both of which, I no longer for work for. The irony is that both of these company whether know or unknown are claiming me as part of their work force. Which  inflated their status, which is know in the business that I might add normal practice and legal that might be questionable to how inflated they represent themselves to be. My point is not everything is what it seems!! 

05-31-23 Being Psychic is like being a mad scientist

    I was asked by the guides why I am not posting psychic information. I said because you give me information that I don't understand. So here is examples of this morning:

I was shown Camels on posters or some type of board - Not a billboard - it could be an animal totem, which is what I went with, considering it had no written writing on them, it also had muted yellow on one and burnt red on the other one, there were several others but these two were the ones that I remembered. 

Then I was given a house by where I grew up and several groups of people whose husbands became ill and instead of them passing, it was the wife who ended up passing after they made some type of recovery. Why this important I am not sure. It is my understanding that those who pass help us from the other side, not only in our own life but as a whole. 

I was then shown another couple and how I avoided them when their dog was ill because I would have most likely would have gotten upset sensing this illness and a future passing. I have also avoided the wife because I witness that she backstabbing, part of her, which If I explained the image, one could say that you can not visually, see that, but I will disagree that you can with your 3rd eye or intuition. I also know that I directed not to get involved- meaning she has an illness, not sure what it is. But is apparently something that she must go through, whether part of the soul contract or it has a higher purpose. I am not exactly sure at this point. Why I showed this - as psychics we are not given all information all the time- that is a misconception. The guides will only give what is needed to known. Why I was shown this only leads to my own questioning, as to why I have experienced certain things, that I don't have answers to things in my own life. That I have resolved that I will never know or maybe at some later time, it will become known. 

I was given Sleepy little town - now I said this yesterday, that living in a little town - is like high school all over again. With everyone minding everyone else business, instead of looking at themselves and what they put out in the world, and the masks they wear. This is a song- since the guides know that I using the internet and books to do research or interpret information. I also know that things are yet to be exposed on a bigger scale and there are new ways as technology, the way we do things, and changes coming. What they are has not been made known to me. Other than the knowledge of more hidden things from the public and change. So maybe the Song has more meaning. Song on YT

Did I get an ignoramus? why? meaning an ignorant or stupid person, as an insult. This could be explained as a feeling like this when something is exposed or the fact that people running the world think that people, in general, are this way, because there will always be someone working to expose the lies and whether you want to believe it, is your choice! Or it happens to you. 

I also was given the song: In the Garden - this is Hymn and refers to John 20-1-18, and the meeting of Jesus and Mary Magdalene soon after his resurrection, what the refers to in the present moment, no idea. What I will say is that with my gifts which innate to everyone. Is that I have always spoken to my guides, angels, and God since I was a little girl, and get information that same way, as I being told something. 

Also just knowing information. Why this song is important no idea, other than I don't think I ever said or written that I have talked to the guides and do this. This also brings me to being a telepath or telepathic, which is how the guides communicate, which is innate to us too, along with other ways, like through other people, books, symbols, images, Dreamtime, different Clair's and energy or vibrations. And no one gets the information the same as everyone, else. 

I got "the man in the machine"? which is a movie on YT about Steve Jobs and how Apple was created and I didn't know much about it until I watch it. It is an eye-opener if your thinker. if you look at it as a precursor to AI, and how Jobs refers to it as an intimate expression of yourself. This movie touches on a lot of things. So I am going to write words because I could write an entire page or better about it. Words: Jobs abandonment issues, Apple sold as a need or want to satisfy hole with self, his need for enlightenment or possibly God complex, how the Gen's X,y, millennials - are sold that Jobs was this great person and still felt separated from self and God, source and just egoic, or to how I see many of Gen xer's, running after that, saying or thinking I am going to be next Jobs, Elon, etc.. turning to spiritual guru and questioning the validity of still chasing a type of hierarchy structure. To Jobs selling intimacy in an object. Now as a child intimacy (sense of connecting) and friendship were not using a machine to sit in front of unless it was radio or hanging out to watch a movie - because your friend's house had HBO and not 1,000 different choices of today. Or it having a conversation with another person, whereas we barely want to look at someone, yet have a conversation with them. To other people who do not know me I walk around in two worlds (also book) I sometimes walk by people and sometimes I am avoiding speaking to you. 

I will say this until I leave the planet these gifts are innate to you, along with you can not be separated from the source, God, and the universe because you were created by this same energy, what that is for you is for you to decide. Now along with Steve Jobs, this movie has many nuances - leading to this part of our future to navigate with regards to AI - which can go either way depending on the use of this technology, which is something I have been asking the guides about and it showing up. This movie goes into various shadowy business deals to include big tech listed in the movie and connect to future events. Most likely. How it is sold as an American product but everything is made overseas at this point for it is cheaper to destroy other countries and pay people less to live a less than quality of life, not that it is happening in states. I could on and on but watch movie with an open mind and maybe pen and paper. To when the movie was made in 2015 but goes back to the early '70s with 2023 as a point of reference. 

The guides asked me why I don't post psychic information all the time, some of it I can not reference. I will not spend days or hours trying to figure it out. I don't have the time or money, or energy to play let's figure this out. I just don't do it anymore. When they ask questions like this, I say send me help because you know what my needs are. 

Other things that came to me and I questioned: is robots, AI and Hologram, CGI technology - because a long time ago in several different movies, I saw Sony already had that technology - Like Beam up Scotty. And I have also seen Quantum computers that were in different universities that were movies. This could be a fable or fictional in the movie or my understanding it has they have to make it known first. But how many other things have come to pass that we have seen manifest? (back to the future) energy drink, Hub boards, etc... 

And who is the "I" in the Apple products? is Jobs, an object or ??? 

Another question that arises from AI is how much of your own identity will be in AI. Because when the machine knows more about you than you know about yourself, the question becomes who running who? Just my thoughts. And if you are reading this Blog you know the terms MK ultra, Programming, and mass manipulation and will these things still be hidden in the machine? 

I have mentioned that I have written that I got Nazi/Gestapo. I think I ran into who has past life with a connection to this time period or if go down the rabbit hole, many of the things that are happening lead there with technology. One being: why was fluoride used then and connected to that time frame and the effects on the pineal gland, which is connected to 3rd eye of intuition. Conspiracy or not. 

So I started at 7am and it now 5:06 - that is writing it, processing, rewriting it and grammar checking few times and post here. 

Oh, Did you know that plants natural grow towards the light! 

As I hear the Duck mobile - Amazon truck - happiness does not come in a box. Happiness is your birth right. Love is your truth. 

I have written 505,000+ word since 2016 and more on a another account that I can't access. This alone is accomplishment to me. 

5-26-23 Man vs Machine

 Two things have popped into my field of awareness that I think people should generally keep in their thought process. Since reality is a creation of thought and media is about exploiting fear and creating fear of everything. To materialism is sold as the feel good pill, to even only having wealth will truly satisfied what is consider egoic or more of the primal instinct's versus higher mind thinking, and  having a spiritual connection. I will leave the following with regard to AI- which could be considered the mark-of breast too. I am not writing this to create fear but to inform the potential of such technology, when it is my understanding that we are the technology of creation. 

The movie Transcendence on YT. 

a book called The electronic Doppelganger: The mystery of the Double in the machine (written over a 100 years ago). R. Steiner -there is limited PDF file in google. 

Note: I only read the limited Pdf file - but in the text that it is written I don't not understand it all. But the parts that I did read and understand, have me questioning AI more and if this was written over 100 years ago for us to find, now would be the time to read it.. How many other events have been staged or programmed into us. 

This brings many things to mind as in EMF, 5g and mind control etc... 

I would not necessary concern myself this, but I seen some weird things and experienced odd things too. That I written about, which I have still not found validation for. 

I tried to write this word in the text and my brain could say it, because it is not a normal word that I use: "formidable". I am going to say the guides were giving it to me. 

Sorry not grammar checked -I felt it was too important. 

5-25-23 Spirit Woman in dreamtime

 This morning I had a woman mid-thirties come to me telling me she was in marriage and also involved with another man. I saw signage of (on) or One Something - I could remember what the second word was. I told her I could not help. First, she is in spirit and I have no idea who she is and my view of the situation in dream time was neither involvement was good for her. 

Why? Because she had no idea what love is and most of us have no idea what love is. If look at the role of the female historically, the female has been suppressed into inequality to the male for a very long time. If we look at our parents or family unit, there still is inequality in what that relationship involves. When we don't understand the power dynamic that are parents displayed to us, to our grandparents, and what was or is observed and witnessed through these entanglements of relationships. To what we observe through television or social media or contact with even books. The knight in shining armor to come and save us or love us and we live happily ever after. This is programmed into females from an early age and the fantasy of being sold and brought and paid for is quite a money maker. 

I don't want to sound like it is not possible to be in a loving relationship, but most of us are reliving what was/is our parent's relationship is or to what we think that relationship was without questioning it or discussing it with the people were involved with. Communication in the intimacy of what is learned and experienced as a child or teen or young adult is not a Hallmark story and most people don't know how to get real or touch with their feelings, to be honest with themselves. And now with AI thinking for us brings a complexity that is yet to be seen on this planet.

So this is why I told the spirit woman that I could help her. Because the work is hers to do. I can say things and direct her, but free will to choose every moment from what you know based on the knowledge that you do have, without questioning or learning new information can not happen without some type of study, reading, and meditation with regard to self-inquiry. Most people don't want to look at themselves, first. 

If I told you that you living in a holograph field of energy and your thoughts and entanglements create your reality, you would say your fricken crazy. When I first learned it, it took well over a year to just accept the concept, and then trying to understand it has been even longer. So before I geek out know that if you are not willing to understand who you are, you can't expect another to understand you. 

Unless want to be enslaved, to the outside world and not know your truth. This applied to both to female and male, aspects. Because you are biologically both.  

edit: 5-26-23 The above spirit was not passed over to otherside, she was astral traveling out of the body, as known as, Obe Out body experienced. We all do this every night, we just have no memory of doing it. Unless you set the intention that you want to remember and a prayer of protection. Also you cannot get disconnected body unless the body chooses to withdraw from the body, which a is natural occurrence at the end of a life in this body, or causation, other means. 

5-23-23 What are you grateful for: (channeled)

Do you start your day being grateful for the things in your life?? Because the guides say that there is no reason not to be grateful for the things in your life. So many of us have more than enough and yet are constantly seeking more without questioning why we are doing it. When the fact is that you are everything that you need and more. And I hear the but's or what about this, or that, and how do get that!

 Well, for one thing, we are all capable of manifesting anything we want. The only difference between the earth and heaven is earth is a lot denser to manifest in. The why is a long list of a lot of factors. For one your not in tune with your natural abilities of intuition, manifesting, and creative power that you are. You have been told that you are not as or of god and that is simply not true. 

How can you be separated from God, source, the universe, who created you, it is impossible. You are equal to all the great masters and angelic realm, to all that exists. You are love because that is all that exists and will ever exist. If you were created from the thought of your parents wanting a child/ren or family, does it not exist that everything is thought? You have a great idea is that, not a thought. If you wish ill on a person is that not a thought? 

So you think that thoughts have no power to create. You wonder why things happen to you but you don't connect to the fact that thoughts are what create your world. People look at power as something to obtain and control never realizing the cause and effect of the energy that you put your thoughts and words too. When you ask for things in prayer, are you not asking for healing or help or looking for some power that you told is outside of you? 

You have been taught you are less than you really are. That only certain people can achieve that which you want to create in your lives. Did Jesus not say that the Father and I are one! So are not the same as any walking master that has come to teach. You have been taught that Jesus paid for your sins and yet religion uses this against you, as some kind of debt that cannot be repaid. When will that debt be paid! When you part from this life to only come back again, to repay that debt again, generation after generation,  every lifetime again, and again. Without considering the implication of what you have been told. 

You come in a pure being of light and through the earthy existence you learn to stop listening to your source connection, when everything is guiding you to the outside world, and when you cannot get validation you stop listening or trusting yourself because everything else is a contradiction of views, idea, thoughts or observations. Your parents teach you to not to curse, but they themselves do it, is that not a contradiction? 

When you step back far enough you see that there are many things that are contradictory to what you see. If you walk in the light of who you really are there are no contradictions, because you see things for who and what, they really are. Not this illusion of what is being present. You can not be something that you are not. Everyone has the capacity to think or create thought. You have the things that you do, because of thought and experience. Many wish to go back, to what it was before, yet if you went back you would see that you wished for change and if you could go back, how far would you go? 

You have been taught that life and death are the only constants of life. Life is not a battery that you throw out when it has no life left to it. Your body is a temporary vehicle that you travel with to experience life. It is not all of your true essence, because your body suit is holding a small portion of your true essence. You came here as a soul to experience being a human on this planet. 

You have done this many times and if you were to remember each lifetime you would be in conflict with what you came to learn this time. Deja vu is the remembrance of thoughts, memory or smell, a soul, or why you love the things that you do. We bid you good day for now and want you to remember that you can not be something that you are not. You are loved, love, and divine souls who agreed to come here in this now time and space moment. Salutations. 

5-20-23 Intuitive information

 On 5-19-23  I was shown a image of twenty-something couple. The couple was on the floor and guy was kneeing  holding the female, she had chestnut brown hair, a little longer than the shoulder length and wavy. She was unresponsive, or lethargic, maybe even OD'd. I am not sure who this belongs too. 

I was given global event? It was not explained what exact this is. 

Thermodynamics

Heard end of life care? 

5-16-23 Just realized

 

 I just realized that in my job search currently that I have pretty much been looking for a job or home for 18 years, along with the impact of spiritual stuff that was happening to me and the countless jobs that I left for various reasons including childcare and medical illness, that refusal by the various employers that did not want not pay me raises and honor the law regarding attending court orders or seeking medical attention for myself and or children, after an accident. 

And those same laws for helping and protecting me created some of the worst obstacles for the single parent. Not counting predator bosses or fellow employees male or female who say or do things that create a stressful working environment and the law protects these predatory people. For one it is taught as acceptable behavior or personality, or it is a trait from generations of penal thinking, which is penis thinking and now Women carrying those aggressive behaviors against other women. 

How the whole system is rigged again you, to work 40 hours per week and the different support systems available, that actually might help you or receive help from. Could in fact cause you to be homeless before actually benefiting you to any one degree. While I see these jobs for remote work and these lovely blogs about the benefits of working from home and thought about all women who have lived in the past and present struggle with these very basic needs and the systems criminalized single women who left their partners for any one reason and I am not excluding Men but in general, Men are not demonized the same as a woman. 

How the various markets of housing, food, and transportation - basic necessities are being raped by the powerful again, and sorry to say it but how these Gen X, ZR..et,123 (not all) are seeking to become billionaires like the Steve Jobs of the tech world, Hollywood, music, sports industry without question the moral or ethical implications of raising someone rent because it looks better is their long term goals or their portfolio of global domination to rule the world. Hello, that is already happening, young blood!!

Or how I had a Male judge say I should go get a job serving food at a diner and I said Why? And you see head turn in the courtroom! No disrespect to anyone who serves food, but clearly this Judge thought that was my contribution in life, and that apparently it was the only thing that I was capable of achieving in life was to serve food to a sorry donkey ass like himself. While he plays in Judge clubs of twiddle things. When the courts took my son away that it would not have a bigger impact on my life or his brother's going forward. The ripples afterward and as pick myself up off the sidewalk to get on the train. And peoples' train of thought just moves on and I am like what the hell just happened? 

That my son who I had raised was torn from his mother to be put solely with his father and then separated from his brother and apparently in the court world and most stupid people's lives, is just like any other day. To then sit before a therapist or counselor, who has no training to assist a person with the loss of a child taken by the very system that is supposed to protect them, and the parent/s and somehow your life is supposed to be normal. And the counselor, if you look at the word by its definition is for a psychological problem, and the therapist - (the rapist) again for a disease of the mind, in some form, but this was created by courts and by a man I fled from for trying to assault me. 

And the Government or courts state, I am capable of normal fricken life, and the mental health professional is pop this pill, come back next week or two days from now. The spiritual community is like it's all light and love and you chose this life contract and with my intentions, it is what creates my reality. Being pissed off spirituality looks like the same anger by the unware non woke person and I am supposed to find comfort in what exactly! It's a bad day. 

And I am conflicted because one I am tired of looking for a job and a home, I live next to a wackadoodle who thinks it is ok vacuum at a time when most people going to sleep, and my thunder-footed other neighbor and her child, who wear normal shoes but sounds like she has weighted boots for walks on the ocean floor. I am ok, it is all God and I am supposed to do what with this information. And I am supposed to be the observer and not the reactor because it is all god being a god!

There is no separate just the concept of such as good, bad, good, and evil and it is perceived in the worlds. And traumas have to do with dishonoring the female, and the planet and not understanding that love really is that which is a divine connection to the source, knowing, god, and each and everyone is God. I am supposed to tell this story in how many ways when clearly I can't keep my job or place to live, where I want to be, versus wanting to throat punch people and attempt to explain my life to people by the example of my resume. When if we all learned and were taught this, that we are the creator Gods from the beginning, the only people who would feel ostracized were the ones seeking to destroy the planet, or separate people, and God's Will is our free will and you chose how you use it. 

05-16-23 The Police phone number

 Someone asked me why I have a police phone number near my front door. I have a police telephone number by my door because I don't feel safe and don't trust people. All the physical attacks and assaults by people that I actually know/knew or were friends with, at some point have me never turned off. I am constantly on alert, even when it is just people's words because I have seen people snap with just a snap of the fingers. Multiple times I considered getting a license to carry a gun. I have even raised my fists in self dense with my children when they came at me for fear of physical harm.

 In spirituality, they say nothing can harm you. Well, that might be true for the part of us that is not here on the planet. To me it is real and very visceral, meaning even your intention of actions of physical harm or words will have me step back because you have created the energy around you. This is why people will say they don't like he/she's vibe or energy, or that person and a different person may have different experiences with that same person. It is not that anything is wrong with you or them, it is how differently you experienced the energy. Some of us have a higher adaptability to read energy (not sensitivity) because the word choice of sensitivity infers that something is wrong with you as negative, when it is a natural state. When adaptability means to adjust. Not like half people in the world are walking around dead to their emotions. 

This is not from one incident, this is repeated trauma from a young age. Some people use to consider me quiet or shy, which I can be, but more so it is me feeling the energy or watching and observing who a person is until they really show who they are. I use to have a professor who by walking in his classroom barked at you from when he was a marine, next day purr's like a kitten. Because he knew how to project his energy to let people know to stand back and if you were not serious about learning get out of his class. He knew his time and energy were valuable and energy when he needed too. 

I have not completely mastered that power, maybe because mine has been physical, mental, and sexual going back to as early as 2.5 years old, during which I observed under hypnosis at session and helped explained repeat patterns in my life. I understand them to also be past life pattern that comes forth to heal again and past lives are concurrently occurring in the present the only difference is a timeline. Just like everything orbits around the sun everything else does so to, including your incarnation or reincarnation. 

Beyond writing about what comes to me. I have been trying to clear this trauma and fear caused by what I do and what has happened in my own life. This is why I don't have a youtube channel or go public other than this writing. This is why I study as much as I do because I want to be released from what others have done to me and the system that tells me I am wrong, or it is my mind from what these people have done to me. 

05-05-23 The Trauma that I speak about.

 II have written about working through the trauma. The trauma is not all mine. The trauma is about how I have met countless women who were sexually assaulted as a child or the even in their teens. And then to meet women who have their children taken by the courts by the men that assaulted them physically or who cheated on them, then left them, took the children via the court system, and when off to make a new family. Which is part of my own story too. 

For these mothers being treated by the system as criminals, or perpetrators in many of these situations. Or the women who I met who by honoring that "marriage Vow" of "death due us part", stay with men that either physically or mentally abused them, while their children were either locked in a closet, or sleeping, not home, and that the men came home from the bar or work, drunk or on drugs. 

And all these men are from all walks of life from the laborer to high-paying lawyers and up, and To do these things to people they supposedly love. That is not Love. Like the vow of marriage is used as some kind of ownership over, like a piece of property. When you are asking for God's blessing, to consecrate it, to then be mentally, sexually, and physically abused. If you don't think that your children know, please rethink that thought, because they may not say anything or not know all of it, but they know something is off. 

So, when I would encounter these women, I would ask the guides why am I experiencing this and how am I supposed to help them. The court, systems, and these Judges create conditions that leave little or unreal conditions for these mothers to have a close relationship with their children or make other sacrifices because their no blood drawn, and by the court's view, no harm has been done because of lack of Leaving no physical proof. (I am not talking about the mother who is the abuser, drunk, drugs in the opposite position of this scenario) because there are both women and men. 

These are about women that I encountered. If the women are able to free themselves from these men, the same court system forces them to give out personal information that leaving in a position to be assaulted with even just being in the appearance of the person gives them anxiety and opens the door for these men to show up at work and an event, like myself the person jumped in front of my car in the parking lot, while I still driving the vehicle. 

Then there is the trauma to the children in these incidents and what I witness by being a bystander, on the bus, in the store, or my travels, or of being in a shelter, and the effect on my children separated by the courts. These children are left alone, locked out of apartments, left in cars, or even just not being fed by parents and caretakers. 

Crying in the silence of being hungry or left alone, or even ill. Children are left to fend for themselves, without the slightest idea of "Parents" of what they doing to their children. Wondering how is it, and the effect on my life and these other people, that this keeps happening from my childhood to the present day. Where is the focus and what is the bigger picture of all this playing out? 

So, knowing that I did not have loving and supportive relationships with my parents, they may have thought that they were. I was always fed and provided the basic needs, but there was a lack of general concerns for my mental well-being, emotional support, and physical needs. So when I encountered these women and raised the question of why I am experiencing this when I am clearly still working through my own experience of the trauma of what had happened. I did not know what to say to them to ease the pain that they were experiencing, because much like them, I did not have the answers and still don't to this day. As to why I experience these horrific things.  

These women mirrored the very things that I encountered in my life and I have had to dive deep into my memories of what my life was like as a child to now. As for my intuition as a child it was there but not with the alarm bells or red flags that should have gone up. I don't know if it is I was told not to speak of it or if I was so conditioned by the events in my life that I just did not listen completely. After all, I did not know what I was feeling, and I did not understand what was happening, because I was taught that we don't speak of these things, I just ignored the signs. 

People tend to think that intuition is instant knowledge with big fireworks. It is not. Sometimes it is so clear that it is in your face. Intuition is subtle and quiet and feeling into it. As a child or even as a teen, you only know what you are exposed to in your environment. As an adult, you have a greater awareness either by experiences or by the knowledge and wisdom that you seek or gained along the way. It is likening intuition to being hyper-aware. If that is even a word. I have not figured out if I came in this way or if it is from my childhood that the empathic part of me picks up the energy and emotions around people, not being trained to understand whether it is my energy or someone else. (which I still walk into today). I will explain below.

Intuition is referred to as Psychic Clair's- seeing, smelling, hearing, knowing, tasting, emotions, and feeling (touch) and also includes animals and the environment. It is my understanding that there are more that have not been discovered, as of yet. These abilities roll into mediumship and channeling. Some may call themselves channels, but the channels I refer to are people, who can speak and hear the Angels, being from other star systems and different groups of beings. Mediums generally deal with loved ones that cross over or connect to someone that you may have known like a friend that assists with bringing that person through to you. Intuitive and psychic are interchangeable to a degree. Intuitive generally can bring more precise examples from the guides through. Some may disagree with what was just explained, but this is my point of view.  

From above (which I walk into today ) All these abilities deal with the senses. Normally if one of the senses is missing (hearing, seeing, taste, smell..etc) one of or all other senses will be heightened. Much like animals that use their natural abilities to know when you have walked in the door or the wild when to seek protection for themselves from the elements. This is why you don't see animals in the wild during a thunderstorm, or tornado. Our own animals hide during a storm, it is instinctual to protect themselves. This is why children hide from people they know or don't know. Or They act out, other than for attention. This is why Children freak out in stores because they can feel what you or we have learned to ignore.

Children are like a sponge these absorb what is around them. Which why they then learn to block or to not pay attention to themselves, because of conditioning and they are taught to not listen to their own needs first. When parents are not in tune with themselves, you can't pick on the signs that children are saying without speaking, because we are not even listening even to yourself. Along with heightened emotions children and adults can enter a room, store, or event and experience the emotions and feelings left behind. I experience this if someone complains a lot and I entered the room I feel the energy of these emotions, of complaining, or anger, angry or happiness and when I leave I have to remember that it is not mine, or my energy. That is what is called an energy imprint in the environment. Now children don't the difference between their energy and parents, so they walk around picking other people's energy. 

Just like when you are in kindergarten you are taught to be nice, share, and be kind, but can you be honest enough with yourself that every word that you utter is saying your that person? There is a Lesson with this too- we all know people who are not nice, kind, or even caring, or sharing people. That is the nature of being human. You can not have one without the other. We could have that, but every single person on the planet would have be that person from the beginning, and we don't live in that world, yet. We have had civilizations that have come close, but somehow or way, it never truly happens. I digressed.

If you tell or teach your children to be nice, and kind and to be caring and sharing, but you, yourself don't live those moral values, how is child/ren to what is truth? And add that they are psychic sponges to mix and no wonder people don't use their intuition or listen to themselves because parents teach one thing and speak the opposite. No moral judgment, because I am a walking talking person from these incidents myself. This leads me back to women and children and men ( I am not biased) If intuition is fully activated in people, people would not experience most of the things they have because they would already have an awareness that something is off, wrong, or not right. 

So back to the women that I met and my upbringing, and the children. Conditioning comes from previous generations of history, society, media, and cultural values. Right now there is an upswing of spiritual growth on the planet. One reason for this is these children are bringing it through and there are enough adults questioning things that don't make sense to them. If I were to use my own life as an example the only way that I can speak and write about now is because I looked for the answers and questioned the questions. I asked the guides why in my own life, did I have the situations that I did and I was told because there were not enough open-minded people, so to understand the dynamics of human conditioning, many of us doing this work, came through with most difficult challenges. Not that other people's stories are less important, because there is no one single person better than another. We all came from God. 

I will use the example that came to me this morning. Let's look at an extremely wealthy person and a modest means (poor) person. Wealth is said to bring life the greatest pleasure, but are they truly happy, now a poor person could have nothing and barely get by, but are they happy, or does not having wealth truly take away from their being happy and having true relationships? It is more likely, that a wealthy person with all their toys and pleasures, does not know true happiness or relationships, it is about money and materials matters, and keeping up with the appearance of such. 

Now, a poor person knows their conditions and does the best that they can with what they have. Not that they don't want better conditions for themselves. Its mindset for perception * The meek shall inherit the earth.* because God comes first in the person's thoughts vs. the wealthy person. This is not to say that we should all aim for being poor because that is not what Jesus taught about abundance or most religious teaching, it does not say chasing money in pursuit of love, joy, and happiness.  

So inclusion: When you are psychic, intuitive, medium, or channel - none of these things is taught from the beginning of life, (maybe if your monk, just humor not sure if it is taught there either) and it is a learning curve and no single people out there or me, can tell step by step through it. And beyond the trauma, there are still things that I have experienced that I still have questions about and I have found no reference to. 

Part written and channeled

05-12-23 Anger

   There is this notion that to be spiritual that you should not feel that anger or be angry. That it is all light and love and that thought is true and wrong at the same time. Everything is love and when you get to that point, you realized that all the things and times that things happened to you or the countless times that I sit with people and realized that had we been taught from the beginning by our parents or society that love should be the driving force beyond all that we do. You get really really angry at the things that happened to you. That love was not the first response of action by the people around. I remember coming from love as a child and slowly that knowing was pushed aside by the actions of the people in life, and even to this day. What is left of my family, love is not the first thought that enters their mind.  

Most want love in life, but we have no idea what that means to truly love from the depth of our being. We are just broken pieces trying to understand why it is so hard and difficult to remember that we came from love or that we are the love that we seek. I have a hard dealing with anger when it comes up because of the things that have happened and walking around and realizing that we have all been forced to become something that we are not. I don't know whether to have sympathy or be empathic about the damage that has happened to everyone or acknowledge that regardless of conditioning until every individual starts taking a look at their own lives and questioning " Am I love that I want to see in the world"? Life is going to continue with all upheaval. 

All the studying that I have done does not make it easier. To the point that there days I don't want anything to do it, any longer. The weight of bearing my traumas and what I experienced by other people telling me their own stories and some made choices believing that what they were experiencing was love and putting themselves and children in harm's way for what they thought was love. I once had a therapist tell me why do think they should be understanding, and rebutted back that I was not saying I want them to be understanding to me, What happened to just being kind or kindness? 

How we become so nasty to each other that we don't step far enough back to even consider what we doing to one another. When we are ready to jump on them or rip them to shreds, should we disagree with them? I have a hard doing this work because I just don't want to open that door to let anyone disrespect me again. Not that I have dealt with it my whole life. Watching it happen to my Mother and then I was an open target for years, from father abuse and remarks to even taking on myself to protect siblings, all while thinking I am big enough to take on this adult male, who should have known better. And knowing if I speak about all the times that I was attacked with words, and physical, threats of and the assaults, I will not be hold back that rage and that energy of trying to protect myself from people and toxicity that project out in the world or others. 

What I learned is love everything and that love just is. It is not controlling, manipulating, abusive in any form, threats of punishment, neglect, or if don't do this for me or love me that I just hold it over you until do as I say. Or buy me that or a Vow that is taken before God and then demand that they do as your told, or provide sex or intimacy because that is what you told it is and told by people who themselves have no idea what love is or intimacy is could be. That these deep-rooted abuses and conditioning from the beginning have closed off most people's intuition and natural knowing of who they are without truly looking within and meditating on bigger questions and questioning am I part of the problem. Ghani said to be the change. Most people believe that change is out there in the external world when it is within you. 

If I could write one thing it would be "It is not your fault what people did to you from their brokenness, but we can take responsibility for our thoughts, actions, and beliefs. Understand that we have been raised by generations of fear-mongering to start by questioning if is this fear or love. And is there an agenda to keep people in fear and create havoc in the world to enslave the human race? 

This may be redundant - but sometimes I need to write out my thoughts to see what I am processing and if is it worth writing about. 

05-14-23 More questions then answers.

When you just don't know what to write anymore. I spend 20+ plus years trying to heal and understand why I had the life that I had. Why my father verbally assaulted me every day and used threats of abuse or punishment as a way to control my behavior and my life. To ask why do I continue to fall into relationships that mirrored the tumultuous relationships that I had and why do I still have this hole in my heart, that I can't seem to not get my life together or am I repeating the patterns of never living up to my father's expected, of who I should have been, when he has been deceased for 30 years and I thought after he passed that it was over and I would never again be hurt by a man who clearly never healed himself. 

I have researched to no end looking for answers and it is exhausting, to never find those answers. While I see other people speak of how their life changed overnight and mine seems like a walk of destruction and the effects that it has had on my children. With all the information that I have gathered. It seems like I am constantly in a spiral of chaos around me. When the guides tell me it is over and I am like do you see where I am, or when my Mom pops in and tells me that your Father and I are sorry and I am like how dare you speak for him, knowing that you always covered for him and did nothing to help the situation, that you knew about and allowed to happen! 

And I look around my current situation and I am supposed to be grateful and in gratitude for what is. When I lack the answers to why these things happened to me and why they still to be seemed missing from my life. When I just want to run far away from spirituality that I can't even bring clarity to my own life and I am expected to guide others, when the only answer that crosses my path is you signed up for it as soul growth or a soul contract or it is an illusion, and tears just want to flow like broken petals on a flower. 

How am I supposed to speak like it is a charmed life and I have it all figured out? And with these gifts that are so natural to me, that with all the books that I read, it created more confusion, than a guide. That I have missing memories when I think about things or look at old pictures and wonder why I don't remember these moments. How I see the pain in my eyes, as I look at these pictures and wonder what was happening to me that I can't remember. How I am supposed to believe that all of this trauma is benefiting some aspect of me that is not even here on the planet? 

Thank you, I will take my leave now! Because the part of me that here is like I had enough, can we just clear and clean it up? And I am told that I could be this great psychic and medium and want to climb under a rock and don't know if that is the vision I had for my life, or because it was something that told to me. The countless people that I spoke to who have been molested, raped, abused, and neglected that it is for your soul's growth, and in one aspect it is to clear the madness of what has been done to the women and children on this planet. I wonder why there are so many psychics, mediums, and channels that are men and why there is such a lack of men doing soul searching or shadow work, that just maybe there could be a bigger shift on the planet. And does anyone really understand what  Love is? 

The guides say "Find your voice" and I am like how about you step in and do it, so I can just move on from whatever this is? If you are so wise why am I lacking closure for so many unanswered questions? And I lack the focus to focus on any one thing at a time. I am like this needs to be done or what about this and the list of things that are not addressed, or things that I want to achieve and do, I just keep looping around and falling back into fear, when I know it is not real or the lack thereof, things like as my finances, or a way to see it different, to help, which seems like an undercurrent of so many barriers. To words of just be present and ok, so I am just in this moment and when does taking physical action come into play?

And the intention is the key to creating, why did set myself up for the things that I have, because I consciously don't remember even thinking about what them, other than protecting my children and myself, until I was in the shit of it, and perhaps five years from now I may get the answers that I seek. Really! I hear other teachers say things like you won't be told to eat something or they don't read your thoughts, but it is your vibration and that has not been my experience, to me saying, can we just get on with it, so I feel like I am doing something of value, and is this really my passion of what came here to do? 

Otherwise, I going to put up my flag and say I had enough can we stop now, and bring balance and a solid foundation into my life, at this point, because putting out the fires is overrated at this point. What about this flow that alludes me, which seems like cliff diving and I don't even like heights, which I assumed is from a past life, because certainly does not make sense in this one. Is this helping anyone or am I rambling along with no point to make? 

The guides tell me to network and I am like how? and Why? When I have been calling it in for years now and can I hold back the energy of trolls of negative toxic people, what seems like a life curse at this point! If I flip it and say it happened to me, so I can stand up to these people who rather create and cause physical harm and verbal attacks, trying to disempower me or you, seems cliché when the entire world is that way. And here I sit on Mother's Day wondering if my children will contact me or if is it my vibration and my conscious thought of please stay over there and leave me alone because I want to resolve my problems before I help you work on yours. 

How in the last week I had the black screen of death on my computer, my oil light came on in my car and the shop said there was no oil in my car and they ask who did the oil change last time, I said you did. To a fake story that somehow it is burning oil and I am like I have not driven it anywhere that would have done or caused that. Not that they could have forgotten to put oil in it. To Microsoft cut me off from access to my account, and myriad other things of OCD neighbors, or nightly indiscretions, and apartment building just suck and people have no clue that there are only two sheets of sheetrock between you and me. My thinking about the karma of how over-inflated the market is and how could it play out in the near future to the cause and effect to someone in their next life. 

To me saying to guides, so you want to find my voice and I am like should ask my neighbor how that sex was last night, why was your child jumping up down on the floor at midnight? I am like are you kidding me? How I explain to someone that your assumption that you know what is right or best because you live your life the way you do and that other people's experiences are like yours too and that you have justified your judgments based on what, assuming you know what their life experience has been without even asking them and assuming does what, makes you look like donkey aka ass! 

To the potential of AI and its implications of it, when we can not even have conversations between ourselves and think about resolving societal programming and now we want a use technology to solve these problems without creating backdoors to shut it down and looks like the Atomic bomb and nuclear arms all over again and it will be in the hands of AI programming. If that is not a scary thought and data mining was just the beginning and now AI running in the background as an open source to know more about you than know about yourself. 

Edit: I keep feeling like were living strange movie like Minority Report, why this movie keeps popping in my head is another story. 

05-06-23 Intuitive information

The following is information that has come through. I have no idea what it is connected to or why I am getting it. I had stopped posting them because when I asked about them I was not getting a respond and then I thought I picking up on random stuff. 

 I was shown the letter ZTZ this morning looked like a vehicle, front driver side.

3rd Reich ? 

33rd Reich? 

Someone calling out Miska? Miska where are you? 

Something about Brad Pitts - Goofy as child? 

on 4-29-23 I kept the Gestapo over and over again. 

Execution in the Sudan 

Sudan, Africa Egypt

Montana 2x

Western Sea board and return of green forest to deserts. 

Car Wax?  

Nazi and Germany ? 

Words Dispensation and Sublimation

So I had 3 images of people that there face was distorted from what they actually look like in real life. Two were so distorted that I would not have thought that they were famous. Drew Barrymore and Mark Wahlberg were two of the three. 

Tobias

Candle to the wind by Elton John - not sure if it is connected to events of today and coronation and song London bridges falling down and around and around go on the merry go round (child's song)? 

I saw word Red - See red as in anger? Pissed off

 

5-04-23 Why I do what I do

I don't know if people realize it or not, but this Blog is named after the voice that all of us have within us. Mine just happened to be taken away as a child. I was told not to speak about things or questions, by both of my parents and by anyone that I was around, family or otherwise, like school or relatives. I have spoken about being like this since around age 4 but it could have been earlier, I just don't have memories to bring them forward. Beyond having these gifts, I can remember asking God on the way to school why no one saw the love around them. Which created a huge conflict most of my childhood life until I stopped questioning it. I did not grow up in a loving and supportive family, it was quite the opposite. I realized the other day that it has always has been chaos and fear. 

And to know that we came from love and that all is love is the same view. When I state working through trauma like most people who come into this work, something happens. Life shifts and I have researched it to understand the how's and why. So when someone directed me to books and I had a name for what I naturally did. It created confusion because, unlike other people's experiences, I did not have a single moment that shift my perception. That was afterward and continues to this day. 

I walked around all the time in what people call psychic, intuitive, and knowing, and some channeling too. Because I would just know things and never even thought about how I knew it. To the point, that I would be called to befriend people, know that I need to go to the library and so many other things that I just naturally did it. When I speak about trauma and clearing and processing it, which might seem like it overdone when I say it. 

When my experienced amp up or I use the word online to explain going from happening to being a constant in 2003, it was not pretty. My world collapsed. The life that I had and the one I have now have been working through that process for twenty years now. In my research people speak that their world completely changed for the better. I did not have that. The more I try to understand the more it fell apart and the people in my life - seem to want to attack and abuse me or my children, and many times it was dangerous that these people actually wanted to cause physical harm to my children and myself. 

So when these threats of physical harm and threats came at me, it was like my childhood all over again, which I thought that I had moved beyond, and everyday between psychic or intuitive information and threats for my safety, as well as my children, I was seeing my own darkness and the darkness that people carry around and put out in the world. 

Hence why you are seeing the world's darkness, this is what people are releasing and what is being shown on a grand scale. I heard the veil is thinning and what that really means, I have no idea, other than being able to connect easier. So I going to explain like this: when you move something in the attic or garage and it has not been cleaned in a long time. The dirt and dust that is covering it, when you move that object it goes everywhere. What is under all that dirt and dust are the layers of lies, deception, control, abuse, etc. That has laid dormant. 

And when one does not question who you are, what am I doing here on this planet or why I keeping encounter these things in my life, and whether I/you are truly coming from love or fear and experiencing some pretty horrific things. I started looking into it, is it karma, is programming, is thought based, as in belief, behaviors, and cultural? Is ancestry and family lineage. Is it a soul contract that we agreed to? I wish I could tell you it is a simple answer, but I cannot. 

What I can tell you is that everything is God, source, the nameless and we are children of God, whether your a child or adult. There is no gender, color, culture or religion, or any separation between being a divine being and a part of god. There is no hell or damnation, or repentance in the way it has been told to us and used again us to fear and control, me, you, or us. It is just not so. 

That is a manmade construct (matrix) to keep you thinking that you are not deserving of God's love or Love of God, that you have to pay or pray for sins when your birthright is to know that you are god's creation, who loves all of creation. There is not a single thing that is not God, source, universe, all-knowing, is, nameless. Every planet, sun, star, comet, bug, flower, tree, thought, and idea is of God. Along with that fact that we have a Galactic heritage too. 

To what science often says, is junk DNA. God's creation does not make mistakes. If we were to consider for even a moment, that we are all God, regardless of our stories, to think we are just killing each, destroying the planet (still God), warring against who is right and wrong, what sex is that person or not. (Yes, I agreed there are certain things that children should be expected to understand at a certain age) But that is always something that is used against humanity too, that sex is a tool and that it is a spiritual union. Not that sexuality is used as a deviation of male vs female, sex trafficking, and perversion against women, children, and men. More even from the Fall of Adam and Eve - and someone asks me how did the world populate from even that ideology when clearly one question remains unanswered (Adam and Eve did they have sex when one came from the other). That maybe the reference is that we all are inherently male and female within the gene sequence, or that there has to be more to that statement of how the world was actually seeded or populated, which is hidden from us and the serpent in the story is actually kundalini of energy. (kundalini part I guessed-but Vedic teaches differently)

Now, if set aside the labels of psychic, intuitive, channel, healer, any gifts that we label as gifts and look at the fact that it is an innate ability laying dormant within the body or DNA, that has been altered or manipulated throughout the centuries of thousands of years to control humanity to not evolve or evolve at a slower rate that digresses, instead progressing at with all the new technology that exists or supposedly did not exist 100 years ago to where archaeologist find objects that are more advanced than what we told is on the planet now. These are questions that need answers. Why is it so hard to believe that were all god creation and love is the only truth, and that we should be asking the questions? 

Why as a child I knew everything was love and was punished, threaten, and mistreated into submission with threats of fear or harm or abuse to control me and alter my thoughts to live in fear. When the world (avatars) of enlighten being have been speaking a different tune and who and what we are. By Avatars - Jesus, not a bible picture of. The Buddha, the ascended masters, in all walks of life in what is known as doctrines, in and on every continent. How these Avatars go back throughout history of recorded time to explain that very essence of who we are. This is why I do what I do.

And I question why is it was not taught from the beginning. How is it playing out on the world stage that we keep destroying the planet and ourselves, when the guides come through and say that the planet will never be allowed to destroy itself or the humanity that inhabits it! Even when I tell the guides that I can't take any more in and that my head wants to explode, I keep coming back to it. Again and again. 

From how fear is used to control our mind and we are programmed into it - from Santa's not coming if you are not a good girl or boy or if don't stand in a straight line, or do as "I say", parents, bosses, family, the society. That we give other people more power to have more authority over us than we give to ourselves. Which is the point of remembering that you came from God, source, and universe to remember and create from that stance. Be the love that you are and the creation/creator being that you are/our more powerful than you been told! 

Words are powerful. Thoughts create reality with exceptions, master the mind and your emotions. Take your back power. 

05-03-23 Ummm thinking

 05-03-23 I tried to locate some affirmations or I tried to figure out what I wanted to write today, but I felt like I got nothing. Which is really not true. So I will tell you something that happened. I went for an interview yesterday and one today. Yesterday the gentleman ask what people would say about me. I said I don't know and he asked why, then I said I don't ask them. I am not sure what he thought of my response. But I don't walk around asking what they think of me. My whole life I have been so many things that I am not, that I don't even consider it, any longer. 

 I might consider that I could have done something different, or maybe I could explain something better, or question why they did what they did. I don't know if I have ever asked anyone what their thoughts of me, are. You either like me or you don't, and that is ok. I really don't like all people. That is not said in a negative against anyone, it is just that we don't know how to be honest in an intimate conversation with ourselves and other people. It's easier to not question things because we live with these false personas of who we are without really digging into what we say or why we do the thing we do.  

And this body of work is about understanding who we are on a soul. Not the parts that we play, or the masks that we wear. In my second interview, they ask me what are you looking to get paid. Now I knew what they offering and here me lowballing myself. Then I am hearing myself say why did just say that! I had to look at whether am I undervaluing myself and what is my worth. Of course, I know that I am worth more than money alone because I know that there is more to me. That no matter what kind of money, it can not buy me. But yet there is a level of confidence that comes from knowing that you are worth. I guess it is something that I need to look into deeper as to why I did what I did. 

Now, if I am honest with myself there are days that I don't feel confident, and being that I had to work through a lot of trauma and still am processing it and adding to what is happening in the world events if looking at from that view, no one can completely be certain what is happening. I have had two conversations about normal or common sense. I said to both encounters that those should be deleted from the dictionary because it does not exist. Your normal is not the same as mine and if I travel to another country, their normal is not our normal. Even within the same state. 

I explain this concept as if you are going to a mall, as an example, there are multiple ways to get there. Most walk around with blinders on, so their perception is limited by what they focus on. This is based on our beliefs. As children, we knew this when went to our friend's homes or grandparents, or school, etc. It was different, with different rules, and different food, different in many ways, yet similar in some. Hence why you have the friends that you do. You have similar personalities and interests. When you step out of those belief systems and the reality of what is normal, that world not is not what you thought, or believe it to be. You expand your thinking or keeping do what think is working. 

One reason why I do the research that I do - I want the truth and most people don't want to know the truth, they are ok with what is. That is ok, but there are never just two sides, and that only applies to coins. This is what we have been taught that it this way or that way and there is no middle ground. Good, bad, evil, negative, wrong, right, red, blue side, male, female, etc. That all can hold truth, yet that is not what is taught, and learned. Most work from the level of perception works for them. 

05-01-23 Lighten Up! Channeled

The guides say lighten up! You become like the walking dead or dead wood. You have been through this before- Now is not the time to lose faith, hope, or your humor. If you were to go inwards, is your heart telling you all is lost or is your monkey mind that is running the show? Instead of knowing it is likened to taking out the trash because it does not serve a purpose for you any longer.

Instead of focusing on what could happen, focus on what could replace it, that is so much better. There is no growth without the removal or reconstruction of the old. Life is change- change is life. Like an old sofa that has seen its day, you think about what you would replace it with or redesign the room. Worrying does nothing for your spirit, it is like carrying weights and you are seeing the dead weight go to the trash, so something better can replace it. We wish you Good day.

Get excited! like a child the day before Christmas, or a trip, or a surprise on your birthday.