11-28-2020 Spiritual trauma
Is it possible to traumatized by spiritual matter?
Yes, when the dreams or visions first started again, I was directed to read Sylvia
Brown work and other author’s work with regards to Codependence, Adult children
of Alcoholics and Neglected children syndrome. This broken off into other areas
from addiction to quantum mechanics. In a very short time my life went from having
it all, to a matter of pieces. The person who directed me to the books disappeared.
People showed in my life that to this day I don’t understand. You know were
raised to help people out or I was, but there is a time when you will be taught
a lesson about boundaries. As loving and helpful that you want to be for these people,
it will show up and teach you a lesson or a few; about were you need to do work
and they will not be fun or even humorous.
So, I went from owning a home to apartment after
apartment to finally being homeless and having to move in with family which literally
destroyed anything that resembled a family. I have been attacked in my sleep to sleeping through
earthquake. When you see or more or less feel something trying to have sex with
you or something starts banging on the wall while you child sleeps next to you,
you kind of freak out. I have had something walk through me to this day no-one
can tell me what it was. And if they do that say most people don’t live through
it. I watched a movie and seen the person’s eyes turn to that of snake. Or been
in the food store and people start looking humans with heads of animals. I first
thought that I see animal totems and now it seems like a Grimm Series of the television
show.
I was recent thrown off someone website because they
sent me a link that that woman had a white snake around their neck, and it was
attached to them. I have had experiences that I am walking by someone and
physically go into cough spell or get violently sick. I had spirits that I wake
up to that say she does not look like much or tall white beings standing in my
room or been in places where you see half bodied spirits walking around. I been
in people’s apartment and full black spirts walk thru the apartment. It funny (it
not Funny) because no-one really talks or writes about these things.
People say put white light around you or call on
your guides to shield you and now people are saying that even that has been
highjacked. I have been knocked out of my bed. One person I know recently after
a short conversation showed a picture that they were sent and there was picture
of a rather demonic spirit in their picture of where they work. Or people tell
about how that closet and doors open in there home and have come with them when
they move. Can I tell how to get rid of them NO. I don’t even understand why I
see them, and other people don’t. I can close my eyes and see things that are completely
screw-up.
I have seen black portal in form of box or orange
portal open up next to one professor while in college. I have a female spirit
with a tiger tattoo stand next to my desk at work. I have seen an image of
person split in too different directions while in another class with the same
professor. In the meantime, I keep looking for answers as to what hell I am
supposed to do with these things that I see. I see light language and have no
idea what to do with it because other people write the language or sing it. I freak
out people because I say things that apparently no one knows. There are no
secrets in the spirit world. I have encounter people and after speaking up
because they think they say anything to me my entire body starts shaking. Most
of what I know I had to read in books, videos and the courses that I have taken,
and seem to make matter worst. I have prayed to deity or Archangels that I come
across. I have a quantum healing under hypnosis, shamanic person, not real
shaman to have healing done. I have felt a piece of myself leave because of
other trauma.
It irks me that more people in the spiritual
community don’t speak out about their trauma and they (not all) walking around
like its Fluffy spirituality and when people call it a dark night when it could
be years of stuff coming at you. Then their people who are playing in it who
have no business being in it because their intention is for abuse or power, to
control others. Taking money for services or when they really not helping
people. Or you ask them questions to have better understanding for your own
knowledge and tell you for a fee I will help you. I even have fees because I
have to live and a have place to live even when I can only share what I know,
or the guides say thru me or they tell me. They say what does kill you makes
you stronger. Well I can tell you that there are days that I am fine and other
days I rather lie on floor and not get up.
I have a therapist that I see just from the personal
trauma that I have experience then bring in the spiritual part, thank god she
is open to it and even she wants to put me on medicine seems like that bright idea,
when I just want to understand what to do with information or control it, so I
not a walking around waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from me. Which is
how I view my life at this point. I remember hearing over 10+ years ago enjoy
the ride, well it is a ride, it certainly was not fun or even pleasant. They
say meditation is the quickest way to get the information, well that fine if you’re
not a walking radio tower that turn back on one day that wasn’t fully turn off.
Or Set an intention and focus using an affirmation or control your thoughts,
breathing, align your charka’s or whatever. Grounding into the earth, I like to
crawl into hole and not come up most days. I keep sensing that the guides want
me to talk and I don’t like being on camera and you can’t necessarily talk to
people if there no-one to talk to about it. Yet even ask questions without some
use of technical skills, which I don’t to care to do and I don’t work well
under that type of pressure to performance like a circus act. So here I am typing
what is running around in my head because I apparently need to make space or
tell someone about this stuff. I find myself more frustrated these days because
well no one knows what is going to happen from day to day. I have tried to plan
or make intentions only to have things that I thought my life would be,
dissolve and it like picking up the laundry. Even as I sit here writing this down, I find
myself getting bite by bugs in the apartment where the carpet has not been
replaced because I find myself in a spiritual or karmic situation that I can’t
not see my way out of. Other then to wait and see game, which has grown old and
tiring for the benefit of what.
What is to come next? My guides direct me to things
like it over and I say elfin right because from were I currently sit, it still
the same as it was 30 seconds ago or even yesterday or five years ago. One psychic
told me I am like Sylvia Brown and Bryon Katie, well Sylvia Brown people have disrespected,
and Bryon Katie method never even touch on the root cause. No disrespect to
either but fundamentally not knowing the source of whether it taught or learned,
or an elfin program running is like saying its ok that treat people the way we
do.
I done it and
I am shame that I was doctrine into it. Knowing that it is not supposed to be
this way. I can’t tell you why because I have always felt this way. Lady GG puts it this way “born this way”, well
we were all born this way and for whatever reason some remember, or something happens
to get people to wake the elfin up. Can I teach you; I have no idea? Can I
point you in the right direct to understand why something may have happened or
is it happen maybe! Can I do it without you completely chose everything that
you have worked for and not getting piss-off at myself or the world when you
find out the truth, “NO”. The fact is that you have been lie too for years and
it has been hidden and in plain sight at the same time. I heard that we agree
to do this way, yet I find it extremely hard to understand why We or I would have
chose to do this way. This only applied if you think earth is not the only planet
that has life on it. Anyone else reading this would not be here to this point
in the writing and if you are and disagree that ok, I see you when you wake up.
With that being said this is the end of the writing.
