10-31-15 Why I started writing
I started really writing 11 plus years ago, because I needed
an outlet for my thoughts and why yet again I was starting over again. It seem
that every relationship that I encounter had a shelf life. They never seem to
grow with me in any form that I felt I wanting to go in my life. Here I was
again letting go of someone that was not making me happy. Looking back now it
was not them, it was really me. I was not happy because I want more for myself.
I want freedom to just be no matter what.
We grow-up with this idea or programming that if we get a
good job and we meet the one who loves us, that that all we need. What a bunch
of crap that is, honestly that may have work in the past, but it does not work
for me. See I always have these ideas and inspiration that call to me. It may be
I want to understand why people think that way they do or why they believe that
unless you have some type socially acceptable job. That you are not doing
anything that qualify as work.
See I have worked in many fields and they all involved
working with people or the public. Funny as it may be, my jobs and
relationships have about the same shelf time. They all seem to be about two and
half years and then I out grow them either financially or just out of boredom. Now
I have not figure out why they have a time frame of about two years and
whatever amount months attached to them. I just know it exists.
So at the same that my life was falling apart. I started questioning
why I kept that the same types of relationship with the people who showed up in
my life. I have no idea why, but I was going to get to the bottom of it. At the
same time that my life was dissolving around me, I started have dreams about
accidents and see people who I would see as other people in this dream. Or I would
get these feeling that there people in my house or feeling about people in
general. Now I have always believed in what is coined supernatural. It always
been around me, I never really discussed it because I found that when I did say
something that family, friends and people would dismiss it. I really never
thought about these gifts, because I did not know that everyone else could see
them, until I kept being told that they were not there. I could not understand
why people would tell they were there, when I could see them.
I remember my first book that crossed my path with I was
looking for answers, it was about co-depend relationship by Mia something. I have
since lost the book, along a lot of things, since that day that I ended that
relationship. Basically that book went into how we get into relationship that
are dysfunction because of our own worth. We don’t get into healthy relationship
that equally are balanced. It not that I knew that I getting into unhealthy relationship,
it because of lack of knowledge to think that we deserve better.
If you really
think about relationships what was your first relationship experience. Now most
will think about that first relationship that you thought was the one, but was
it.See your first relationship was your mother and father and
their relationship. See over time we forget about what type of relationship
that we witness growing up. Hell most of can’t remember that far back, unless
we really think about or have a reason to think about.
Now I have realized that
I was doing exactly as my parents did. I am sure they had no idea what we
witness as children. That we would follow that exact path into our adult lives.
Did my parents love each other, I am sure they did on some level. This then
lead me into where did they learn about relationships. Did my grandparents have
the same behavior and patterns?
And how many life times did this affect my life
in the current moment. So as I trying to understand what was happening to my
life and visions that I saw in my sleep. I was unearthly more questions, then I
would get an answer. And as soon I had an answer to one question, it lead to
another question.
So here I am looking for my life questions and have these dream
world coming to life. See the dreams were not just dreams, they would happen and
I they would play out in my daily life. I would see or hear about the dreams
from other people or see it in the news. And the people who show up in my
dreams would be about people that I would knew in real life. If I had a friend
with blond hair they would be a blond hair person in my dream. Sometime these
dreams would play out the next day or over a few months or even year later. So
in order for me to understand what was happening I started writing things down!
I need too, I could not keep track of them. Nor could I understand why it was
happening to me. Was I going crazy or was losing it all together.
Here I am, my life that I knew was changing and falling away
and this other side of my life that I really never paid any mind too and even
forgotten about was taking on a life of its own. So now when I write, I can
track were I been, what I have experienced, learned and researched. And even
though I had have many blessing along the way. I have also encountered what I
term Pandora box because I have encounter the worst of people and situations
along the way. Literally, when you change and the people who you thought were
there for you; all fall way and you are with left you.
Where do you go from there? I went online because I found
that there is about 300,000 people who have experienced similar things, if not
more than I have in the short 11 years of doing research on myself and my gifts
and if I help one person that all that matters. Because if it was for the
random people, books, workshops and paying attention to my own intuition and
myself I really don’t know where I be. May be cleaning up another relationship that
was not working for me. I can honestly say without a doubt that I truly happier
knowing that I am traveling my own path. Even when the road gets shaky I have
the freedom to just be as I am. I hope that with honoring my truth that you
begin to searching for your own truth of who you really are you never know
where the path leads.
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