3-28-2020 Black Clouds

What do black clouds teach us or the dark soul of the night (which course is not just one night)! Perseverance, strength, simplify, and what is really important! One could say that I have been living under a Black cloud for years considering all that I have been through. When I had it all and did not acknowledge that I was living my dream life that I thought I wanted for myself, then an entire world that existed open a door that I had been experiencing but also not acknowledging at the same time. 

Oddly, things that I had or wanted disappeared but things that I needed did appear. Far from finding the strength to let things dissolve I have never viewed as it as a cloud. Yes, it was incredibility difficult and heart-wrenching, to grasp and to hold onto things as the relationships changed and ended, to the job went, the house was sold, and the car broke down or taking back by the bank. To losing my son in a custody battle and being homeless due to my birth family violence and then violence from an ex-partner. Having to constantly rebuild my life and what was important to me now versus what has happened in the past.

When you starting changing your life, people, things and you begin to heal yourself, the people in your life either change with you or you change without them and people don’t like it when you start to change because you are not the same person. Learning that I needed to take back my life and begin to heal myself from what I had and was experiencing. Realizing that there was/is a spiritual component playing out both within myself and without.

  We are a spiritual being living a human life. We came here to experience dually and polarities of good and evil, right and wrong; as well as create reality, but even that was hijacked that “to know oneself” has been to divide us and create separation versus knowing who you really are. All the great masters teach oneness and love, yet we are told that it must be earned in order to seek one’s approval, whether it is through the material, monetary, status, class, or many other facets of a belief that has taught or learned. When you removed all the lies and beliefs there is only you and you alone. What has been created was for you to “know thy own self,” is all that is. When the real magic happens because there is no divide, there is no other, you are all and everything all at the same time. Whether you grasp the entirely of it or not. A small rock was once a huge mountain and a raindrop is as vast as the ocean, your human cells and DNA are part of the infinite planet and Universe. The soul remembers even if you do not. Welcome to great awaking of the planet for no one is separate. (Note) I begin this writing and was quickly was guided to write from the Council of light from a higher aspect of what is happening on the planet.) I am only conduit for words written here.

3-27-2020 Jilted Lover

Jilted – Lover 

In the tarot cards, there is the card of the lover’s, but the reverse or opposite of it would be the Jilted Lover. Many times, we avoid saying what we feel based on previous experiences, some going back to how our parents handled their relationship. If we investigated it even further, more then likely there is ancestry patterning going on. 

Most patterning is not related to current lifetimes, it is something that has been brought forward to resolve in this lifetime. So, when looking for answers to why things happen in your life, especially when they are repeatedly repeating themselves. One must ask why is this playing out in my life? And have I seen this before? 

Many times, we want to blame the person or carry the hurt, instead of questioning the emotions behind what we feel, call it karma or soul lessons, but the fact remains that you must be the one to take responsibility for healing yourself. In healing or understanding what shadow part of would-be yourself, you are healing more than just yourself. 

3-19-2020 The Guides are saying you got this!

The Guides are saying you got this! Instead of falling in the fear of what is, remember What you do know. Whether you have previous experience a hard time or not. They did not send you here without any resources to fall back on. You can choose Love or Fear. Not all grew up with a silver spoon and We get so transfixed on the have not, when you have it all. So, what if you can't have your favorite food at the moment or spend endless money on things that you don't need. Most forget that we didn't grow up drinking bottled water or much less run out toilet paper. The media would have you think this is it, this is the end. Many of us have known or experience someone with Cancer, yet the outcry against this virus is ridiculous when comparing to other problems in the world. I am saying that is not a situation that does not demand attention, but when you compare against 911, market collapse, bailouts, numerous other illness, etc. over the years you have lived through them all, too.

If it is too much, tell people I know you upset and that you yourself are processing your own emotions to be able to get through the day. If fear is coming up question why do I feel this way, and is this real, because someone is telling you to fear? Most people are raised is fear as formed of control. Your parents did it, our schools do it. The media does it. Stop and think about how Fear is used against you. Unplug from the TV and radio, along with any other source of media that are telling you to fear. Go out outside in nature.  You don't see nature promoting the end of days. If anything, you see spring blooming and growing, the animals playing or flying about. For there is beauty in the chaos, it up to you to see it.

Pages 11-18 - My Spiritual Journey

25.    I am going skip ahead and someone that I was friends with said, something profound to me which was to “write things down Donna”, she has since passed away and to this day I write things down. It was a simple statement that would help keep me grounded on this planet. Mind you I never thought that writing would help me put my life back together when it did fall apart. Or that I could have a record of events that have help me in court or just remember the many encounters that I had. I did not always write things down but have since learned too.  

26.    When my first son was born, I got his name before I even knew that he was a boy. I knew right of the bat what his first and middle name would be and later it played out that I changed is his last name. Later when he was able to talk, as a toddler, he spoke and say things far above what a child would normally say at that age. I don’t know if it’s because I never spoke to him like a baby, as if he didn’t matter.  I always thought that he was an old soul in a little body. We are all old souls. Another thing that would happen is in the middle of the night his toys that make noises they would seemly and randomly start playing and I would have get up and shut them off. At some point, I stop buying toys that made sounds. When it happen I never gave it a thought until years later. I think back then and now it was family members or my guides trying to get my attention.

27.     Another time when my son was two he verbatim said to me how my father passed with all the details around the situation. Later that day, I took him to see my Mom and he retold the same story and did not miss a word. The thing is my father had passed 6 years before he was even born and now eight years given his age and my father’s passing, I still was not putting two and two together. I still was not really researching what was really happening. I was still under the voice you don’t speaks of these matters.

28.    This is a side note about where we lived. Two months after moving into the apartment both my son and I experienced sinus and constant ear infections or upper respiratory infections. To the point that I had a list of medication, I had to take two times a day. I was told that ghost can make you sick, I am not in agreement with this, I think the apartment itself had high levels of mold in the walls or ceiling. Or maybe it was both. I did move after suffering for 2 years and within two months of moving was off all the medication except for one as needed. I wrote this because I have encountered other people who have got sick in the apartment they moved into, not realizing it was the apartment and or some medical condition now affect them.

29.     The home that I moved into I had seen in a dream before I purchased it, not realizing it, I had seen it backward from the back door to the front of the house. Another thing that was strange is the I had gone to see a psychic maybe a year before and I only went because I was curious; along with the fact that it benefited the local volunteers at a hospital and nearby firehouse. The woman never said to me that “you are gifted”, but she did tell me that I would problem with the house. Every problem was exactly as she said, and she told me that I had a connection to the twin towers. I had been to twin tower when I was younger and had friends that their father worked in the Towers.

 I also tried to make a settlement on my home on 9/11, which fell through and left me looking for a new mortgage company that very same day. I have since sold the house because of other reason but realized after talking to some neighbor’s that the very house the I lived in had a history of being sold every few years and relationship ending in them.

This was the same type of house that I had grown up living next too.  I did some research and found that the homes use to be for soldiers during the war.  Whether this has anything to do anything is a good question and one that I am not able to answer. The house was over 100 years old and I am sure it saw a lot considering life was completely different over the last 100 years.

30.      Two years into the house I had my second son and while carrying him, I think I slept more than I was awake. I would see a halo around my stomach when I was half awake. After my son was born things started happening, I would have dreams of accidents, see the word like “Esp.” written on billboards.  There seem to be spirits there that were not there before. I would be feeding my son in the middle of the night and see things glowing, everything had energy or light around it. Plants and furniture as if it had a light around. I would find match sticks and dimes in odd places. I had a bird fly into the glass window twice and both times I found out that someone had passed and knew exactly who it was out nowhere, when it happen. 

 I walked outside one day and had white feathers in my driveway in front of my car or a rose bush bloomed in the middle of winter. I had gotten a newer car and the car would stop working, then I would have to send to the dealership multiple times. I finally had to get rid of it because I would drive it and out of nowhere, it would stop working. I would have people call me out nowhere who I had not seen or spoken to in years. I started a game of playing to see if I knew who would be calling before I answered the phone or guessing mail whether it was trash or something important. This was before the internet is as big as it is today.

31.     I would have dreams of building collapsing from earthquakes, a truck overturned on its side and three days later it would happen. I had a dream about a tractor-trailer and my brother informed that he had a fear of them. I later learned that a guy Tim I knew was killed by a tractor-trailer. I dream about being in someone car and them getting a terrible accident. The next day my neighbor had been in an accident that totaled his car, and, in my dream, I saw him in the car with me. I found that some people that I know saw up to be a figure of the person that presents another person.  A would see a person standing by my bed, which I believe was someone that I knew from my family.  Since I can’t go around calling on every person that I see in my dreams I just took for what they represented. I could no longer deny that something was happening to me. It seems that the birth of my son had open something that I turned away from. I started remembering other memories of dreams and things that had happened from an early age.

32.     I went on a search for books and information as to why and how can I understanding what is happening to me. I don’t read cards, I have tried. I don’t see what other people see in them and never received any information or a story like other reader do. And it never about me per say, it was always other people. At the same time, my relationship and life were falling apart. Apparently, the universe had other plans. Not only was my life falling apart, but it seemed that society was falling apart. We just had 9/11 two years early, we then a burst in the real estate market and then collapse of the market, bailouts of the banking system and Car dealerships, Katrina storm, Storm Sandy, changing weather patterns, people in general have failed to see the interrelationship to these events. Along with so many other events since that time.

How we learn to abandon our-self /ourselves? 3-10-2020

Since I was little, I was told not to speak of the things that I saw or heard and not speak about things that I knew. It’s been a hole in my heart that I have struggled to fill it because it was a missing part of myself. I was raised to think that what I was experienced was not to be talked about or even discuss because of fear of the knowledge. Likewise, I know much better now than I did then as a child. It was not my fear that was in question, it was another person’s fear. Never realizing it was psychic or intuitive information that I was getting was like burying part of my soul. It was part of me that lived below that surface and was not allowed to breathe. Even now that part me struggles to be fully present because much of it has been overdramatized by Hollywood or other entities as the work of something else.

As I have studied and done research for the past 15 years there have been many historically and presently people who speak of metaphysical and spirituality from much of history. When I started this journey several years ago. I wanted to understand what was happening to me. Why I was having dreams or seeing things that no-one else seemed to see or know things, that I could not explain even to myself. Then I realized that I saw things when I was a child and told to, not speak of them. I had no idea what was told to me, to lie about who I was. Then because I had no choice, I tried to become what other people wanted and show them that I could be someone else. This worked for a while until I could never live up to the expectation that was put on me. I was expected to act and do as I was told. Never having a voice of my own. Just recently, I encountered someone that asked me a question and before I could answer them, I was told otherwise, this did not end well. Again, I was denied a voice.

As well-meaning as it was this trigger me to react because again someone told me I was wrong, but most times I am not. Many times, other people see me as quiet and shy which is true to a point, but can you imagine that as a child you are told that what you think, say or do is unimportant. This leaves scars deeper than most craters in the earth.  You are denying part of you because no matter what you do or say the people who love you the most, don’t care what you have to say. Your thoughts, opinions, dreams or ideas are not important enough to matter.

There is a general thought that psychics and mediums are quacks, generally because of someone else fear. They don’t understand because they can’t see or hear or experience that same thing that you may be experiencing. From doing countless hours of research everyone experiences psychic or intuition, differently. We all naturally know things, but don’t stop to understand how we know these things. No one asks the artist or musician how they play; or how a writer can write, or farmer grows plants, we assume that is not who we are.

When we think about the work that we do for a living,” why do we do what we do” other than support ourselves. Did you ever wonder if there is a part of you that has been abandoned by you, because someone told you not do it or speak of it or that it was unrealistic or lofty, to get your head of clouds or your ass because they could not see the vision that you had for yourself!

One of the things that I ask my clients is” what is it was that you wanted to be when you were a child” because most often they are either doing it or they left it behind because someone told them too, based on someone else’s fear and expectation, and that was and that is, the other persons shadows or own self-belief. Any person can put you down but how many build you up. It has taking me a long time to believe in myself and trust that I know what hell I am talking about, even when others tell me differently. So, where have you abandoned part of you?