Since I was little, I was told not to speak of the
things that I saw or heard and not speak about things that I knew. It’s been a
hole in my heart that I have struggled to fill it because it was a missing part
of myself. I was raised to think that what I was experienced was not to be
talked about or even discuss because of fear of the knowledge. Likewise, I know
much better now than I did then as a child. It was not my fear that was in
question, it was another person’s fear. Never realizing it was psychic or
intuitive information that I was getting was like burying part of my soul. It
was part of me that lived below that surface and was not allowed to breathe.
Even now that part me struggles to be fully present because much of it has been
overdramatized by Hollywood or other entities as the work of something else.
As I have studied and done research for the past 15
years there have been many historically and presently people who speak of
metaphysical and spirituality from much of history. When I started this journey
several years ago. I wanted to understand what was happening to me. Why I was
having dreams or seeing things that no-one else seemed to see or know things,
that I could not explain even to myself. Then I realized that I saw things when
I was a child and told to, not speak of them. I had no idea what was told to
me, to lie about who I was. Then because I had no choice, I tried to become
what other people wanted and show them that I could be someone else. This
worked for a while until I could never live up to the expectation that was put
on me. I was expected to act and do as I was told. Never having a voice of my
own. Just recently, I encountered someone that asked me a question and before I
could answer them, I was told otherwise, this did not end well. Again, I was
denied a voice.
As well-meaning as it was this trigger me to react
because again someone told me I was wrong, but most times I am not. Many times,
other people see me as quiet and shy which is true to a point, but can you
imagine that as a child you are told that what you think, say or do is
unimportant. This leaves scars deeper than most craters in the earth. You are denying part of you because no matter
what you do or say the people who love you the most, don’t care what you have
to say. Your thoughts, opinions, dreams or ideas are not important enough to
matter.
There is a general thought that psychics and mediums
are quacks, generally because of someone else fear. They don’t understand
because they can’t see or hear or experience that same thing that you may be
experiencing. From doing countless hours of research everyone experiences
psychic or intuition, differently. We all naturally know things, but don’t stop
to understand how we know these things. No one asks the artist or musician how
they play; or how a writer can write, or farmer grows plants, we assume that is
not who we are.
When we think about the work that we do for a
living,” why do we do what we do” other than support ourselves. Did you ever
wonder if there is a part of you that has been abandoned by you, because
someone told you not do it or speak of it or that it was unrealistic or lofty,
to get your head of clouds or your ass because they could not see the vision
that you had for yourself!
One of the things that I ask my clients is” what is
it was that you wanted to be when you were a child” because most often they
are either doing it or they left it behind because someone told them too, based
on someone else’s fear and expectation, and that was and that is, the other persons
shadows or own self-belief. Any person can put you down but how many build you
up. It has taking me a long time to believe in myself and trust that I know
what hell I am talking about, even when others tell me differently. So, where
have you abandoned part of you?
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