10-08-21 Psychic Information update 10-17-21

 

10-08-21 Psychic Information

I physically experienced watching or seeing someone falling from over 10 plus floors of a building – this happen two times in course of two weeks. (when a soul decides to leave whether it is by accident, or by choice the soul step aside, meaning that they do not experience physical pain, more of as  the observer. This is often explained in NDE  Near death experiences or Out of Body Experiences or OBE.

Cheryl Ladd?/

Volcano ?

Explosion may be connected seeing people falling from a building

10-11-21

Date of 10-18-21 ???

I was refer back to previous a book and I wrote 2025 and 2030 back in 2017, repeatedly.

Sutnam?  I got this word again- first time I spelled seknam. I don’t know what this is or means, whether it is place, person or thing?

More Whistleblower stepping forward, along with CEO leaving their positions

I smell something burning.

Millions waking up to question what is going on?

I experienced a vision of a swarm of insects/birds, while at the park. 

Oil prices – if not on a budget, maybe discuss with the oil company and the Electric company offers plans too. Especially after the Texas situation earlier in the year.

10-14-21 So early (off peak) in the day we had a power surge from one of transformers. Were it sounded like transform blew! Being that I grow up with the transform exploded numerous times in our backyard with down live power lines. You learn to remember what that sounds like. Is this something that we could be see in the coming months.  

10-15-21

Check your Generators ?// Power outages

10-17-21

I had dream this morning: this for a fe/male that looking for a job. someone telling them about a a job by someone they know about making deliveries (food) really busy) The person is talking to someone in a red truck. Told it pays 28.00 a hr. Not keeping chef and cooks, something about a 2nd location near or at 2nd Street Pike, there is something about releasing Po# without approvals. I see a (Milt) faculty, Temp workers, 711, - As exciting an alluring as 28.00 is, there are RED Flags -1. not keeping chef or cook and 2. the releasing Po without approval. I would say this is warning.

 

 

 

 

9-22-21 What if everything that you have been taught is a lie!

 

I don’t know about you per se, but I have always been connected to the other side call it heaven, call it god or the universe. For as long I can remember it was not supposed to be this way. Whether it’s my remembrance of being off planet or another reality. We all come in with memories but normally by age seven we forget that we have this connection or earlier depending on our birth family thoughts of life, God or beliefs in religion, and what they experience thus so far. Now I believe and think the only reason that I continue to have a connection is because after researching my life of memories, what I told and the putting the pieces together like a big puzzle.

In my own life were born into this family with family histories that go back generations after generations of time. We come into these families to clear karma or belief systems that our parents carry, or grandparents experienced. In my own life I have experienced control, verbal abuse, threatens of punishment or abuse, neglect, codependency, threaten to be killed, assaulted physically, emotional and addictions. Assaulted sexual and threaten to put jail, had my child removed from my care and considered taking my life more than once because I was in so much pain from what I experienced in my family or by other people, who call themselves humans.

The way I see it is that I have experienced trauma from my birth on. I often wonder why my parents had me because they never seem to care about me, unless I was doing something that they did not like, which seem like everything that I did was wrong or not what they expected, which is also confusing because there was no structure. We existed and left to the whims of whatever was happening that day. My father was or became an alcoholic and my mother was codependent. Both seem to stem from their own upbringing and what was happening with the world and history.

If I take my father as example, my father was raised by my grandparents. My grandmother I have no family ancestry on. My grandfather was raised in orphanage after his father was alcoholic and the mother was never mention as to what happen to her. He had one brother that at some point was separated from and never saw again. I know that he looked for him, and investigate, researched his birth family, much like I have; trying to understand how everything interrelates as to why things have happen the way they have in my own life, as well as my grandparents, my own family.  

My mother was raised by her parents, even with have connections to second cousins and aunts, there seems to be no history of experiences or events that have been passed down. My grandfather serviced in WWII as part of Navy. I have no idea what he experienced or any knowledge of his own family history. Other then a connection to the Iroquois Indians through my great grandmother who passed before my birth. As more and more family pass on the information gets even more less available to understand how one generation effects the next. I have no idea as to whether my own grandfather was alcoholic too and that why my own mother was attracted to my father.

See we tend to repeat family histories, beliefs, thoughts, and patterns, because that is all we know, less we develop or challenge what is taught, or question does this hold truth for me. Maybe I am different in the fact that I remember that I born from god or source, creator. I have always known this and regardless of all the information and family history has created a conflict within my soul.

So where does this leave me, if I am born from god, love, why is there so much conflicting information. Why is there so much distortion? I always felt that I was born to the wrong planet and family. Everything that I have experienced in my childhood keeps playing out in some form or another. I have been proving and fighting my way thru this life going back to possibility my birth. I once asked my mother what kind of child I was the information that was giving was limited, much like she was not even there. Just creating more confusion, since I am a parent, and I can remember key points that I have known about my children and their own personality.

While realizing that I done a disservice to own my children and them because of my own childhood and assuming that my children were not born of the same God and I am really not the authority over them, that God is the only person, or energy that is. I can guide and protect him and be a guide to them when questions arise, but it is there own life to become who they are met to be. Both my parents were raised in a church to some degree but pulled away from the same distortions that is often found within many religions. Which I think is a struggle for all of us.

Were taught to be kind, loving and then we encounter these people, who have done things that is the furthest thing from a God. Now if I am God at our core, for one you think that we never encounter these problems or is that the distortion that we’re taught. I had a professor once say that were creating psychopaths and I asked for evidence to support his theory. Mind you he was not much older than myself, which is why I probably got away with my statement. He did not have response to my statement. It was as if he was making that statement regarding everyone in that room at that moment. He failed to see that were all children of god or made in that image of God as the bible states. And all religions point to something other then the messenger.  Yet were taught that we have sinned or punishable because we did something thousands of years ago.  Whether I agreed with past lives or not, does mean that I should be punished in this lifetime, how long due I have to carry the debt or life sentence, until I remember that I am part of God, too.

If am part of God, why did I experience these horrific things by other people? Is it karma for the past lives or was it put there for my soul growth? Did I do something to bring it upon myself? Am I clearing my parent’s beliefs and karma, again, when does it end? Are my children subject to my same karma or the generations before?  Was I programmed to reflect these thoughts and patterns to no end! So, because my grandparents did clear their own karma and develop forgiveness, love and boundaries, these cycles just repeat forever, over and over again.

This seems to make sense and in the same moment it does not make any sense. Why would a loving God or any being want us to live repeating cycles of things that are experienced on this planet, and to just recycle history. When history is painted as grim state. And if you’re lucky enough and taught anything different other then fear based history. The education system barely touches on advancements, or how technology is a tool and until you reach a college level, if you are fortunate, you have will to explain something or think for the first time. College is limited too because they still train you into the same limited thinking unless you have a teacher that pushes the boundaries on what is possible, one of the dreamer of the world. After researching even these same people or students leave because they see that it not about expanding the mind or growth in the potential of endless possibilities but have adhering to the same outdated mental thinking.

If I look at my childhood exploring my mind and my feeling was not part of everyday life. It was do as your told and stay within the lines. And needing an answer now, whereas thinking and processing was an afterthought. Even now friends, think that they have the answers to solve some of problems that I face, as well intend as they may be. They think that if I become a clog in machine that if just take this job as temporary solution that it will resolve my own insecurity of unstable world and people. That I just take that position or do that work it is going to fill this need at the moment of my desire to question what is presented. Maybe it my sign that I born under or greater knowing that it can be better. How we constantly focus on the negative instead looking to resolve the whole in more humane way.

I am thinker and normally to speak about things unless a question is asked of me and whether I was taught from the beginning that I was not supposed to intuitively know things or the old reality that seems to be on its last legs to control us, that we are thinking and feeling beings. Again, don’t believe that God or any being that send us here to play small. But how does one have a voice of reason or even discussion among that many? I repeatedly ask for guidance because I am lost as to what to do next. Fear seems to be staple of what is to be served up. With all that I know or don’t know I look for the answers to solve the smallest to largest questions that we face in general. Do I think that the government or our world leaders can be the voice of reason for all, No. Do I think that we all have a responsible to work together regardless all the separations, yes!

I think it is time, to put our differences aside and work to together.  I don’t know where I will be tomorrow or six months from now, but try to be integrity with myself, because I know that everyone is me and everyone is god, even while my neighbor is obsessively slamming the door at this moment, because of his own inner fear of what exactly, I don’t know, nor do I care to know, because that is his stuff to address.

People tend to think that it is the thinking mind that doing the thinking, I believe it is the heart and mind is just the processor for the body working in tangent with the heart, because if you’re living from the heart, the thoughts and talking is doing that talking and not the mind. Even your voice can be felt and heard from the throat not the mind. Honestly people have asked me why they didn’t know that I had these intuitive gifts, I did know they had name and well we don’t really talk about important things or see the interconnection to all things.

If taught to direct our thoughts from the beginning we would be living in a different reality, and the multiple infractions that think that if you knew that you had the power to change the world and this reality, they would not have the same power over you as they currently do. Control, fear, suffering and death our powerful indicator for breaking the laws or rules, punishment for stepping outside the normal, which really is an ambiguous meaning, that normal is standard for all, but if look around the world, your town or your family, your perceived normal does not exist in the context that it is used.

People argue about standardization for all that it will some how take away from one’s ability to make money, money is just an agreement of payment for exchange of something. Money and rock have same value (money is no longer back by gold and silver) both build something with enough of them. One buys and other builds, when the general populous can not provide for their means, there is imbalance. When genders have been out balance and one over-power one to think one is less or better then another is any terms, it is a ripple in fabric of our humanness that one is better than the other. One needs the other to balance the wheel, so to speak.  (we end lesson for today)

10-01-21 Remember that you born from love

 

What if you remember that you born from love, divine source or even of different dimension or a planet? And you question why all these people in one way or another and try to create you into something that you not. They taught you that you’re not worthy of love because of their own low self-esteem, they had no boundaries to define who they were and who you are. The mini me syndrome. You saw the world and experienced that world something other than it was. They put all their fears on you to be afraid of standing in your true power. To have a voice or be seen as a person or as human, separated by the fact that you are not them but are them to a degree since everything is divine and god source.  

I have a pit in my stomach trying to understand and justify the things that I experienced and trying to tell a story that seems extreme and in the same note less important compared to other people’s stories that I heard. In spirituality they say your not your story. But the story of your life is the only reference point that you have up to this point. You can know that your love and a divine being, human that came here to change the narrative for other to know this truth that you know.

Yet the more you try to be this being, the more turmoil that seems to come your way. As I learned words have power and even my use of the word turmoil bring a vibration of just constant problems. While I try to figure out whether it is mine or something outside of me, taught, learned or collective this seems like endless processes to navigate. I couldn’t tell the numerous times I questioned how I got here and why these things happened to me.

I started looking into spirituality because I wanted to know what was happening to me. Why I was having these visions and dreams of accidents and deaths. Not once to did anyone tell me what was happening to me or that I need to protect myself or energy from people. Why parents never seem to be present to the fact that I existed or was sensitive to their pain, or what was happening to me. How could they, they were raised in the same fashion. Generation after generation of dysfunctional and thinking that they were doing exactly what they taught or not taught.

I had these knowing and visions as a child and various other experiences, I had no one to turn to for answers.  I remember once going to the library, more or less, told to go to the library by an inner voice and not knowing what I am looking for at the time. I remember walking around the library looking for something that I had to idea what it was. As children were trained to not listen to natural intuition for various reason. Most of it just because of dysfunctional. If they feed, clothe and housing them that all they need is what I taught, there was no direction other than to control. The control even stemmed from a program “children are not heard, just seen”. And by seen, I mean you existed. I was in the hands of two people who knew nothing of themselves as a person, to then raise five children who still have not really learn to function is this very polarized world.

I have spend the last eight years to unravel that roots of why I have had the life I had. To still search for pieces that I feel are still missing to understand how to integrate these patterns that were forced on me. Conceptually I understand them, and I have to constantly check in with myself and to questions the repeated behaviors, beliefs or trauma from abuse both neglect physically, emotional, sexuality and spirituality. How to find forgiveness for myself and understand where these dynamics stem from it is exhausting, all the while wondering am, I am clearing anything from my life, if it continues to pop up.

How to write or speak about them in way that supports my growth as a person. All the while living in uncertainly of what will happen to me in two months or even six from now. I stopped dreaming of that life or that partner, a wedding years ago because life has not been real for me for a long time. When I had to laid in bed with knife under my pillow for fear of my family would attacking or assaulting because I would not allow them to push my boundaries to speak up for myself. Or how they constantly put me in danger or my children because their behaviors and distortions.

How I would repeat the patterns of behaviors by being not allowed to speak, or have a voice and be controlling, codependent and repeat these beliefs in my own relationships with both male and women because you repeat what you know not what is unknown. If I review my life on what I remember, experienced and been told, I really don’t know how I am still alive. Because based on the knowledge that I have I was set up to fail from my birth on. I have often wondered why my parents had me because they did not seem to ever care, unless I wasn’t doing something that they didn’t like, which seem like everything. I was not a person. I was not child with needs or expectations. Love was distortion, of you own me or passive aggressive, slave or I am obligated to you to meet you needs not mine as child.

I could have spend the next 30 years in therapy trying to understand the whys and how comes to no end. Will it solve anything I will be heard by a least one person, who is paid to listen to me, which is just another form of the uncaring parent. Why bother, why make a heart connect to another person, don’t we already live in a world of that now. Dead, numb, to busy, to many obligations, or time, stressed, work or the phone is too important even to have a real conversation with anyone. I write my story because I have no one who actually gets it. We want to blame someone or tell are story or just fucking feel something in world that thinks were robots, dumb or lazy or just actually get paid enough to thinking were actually living a life.

Home is a precarious word; we define as place but really it not physical place. It a place within us. Home with self. I wrote that I conceptually know that I am loved beyond words, feeling and it is my state of being but walking among people presenting their views of who I should be is very confusing to the least. It seems that who I am is less important in comparison what I should be doing or money that I earn, where I live or clothes that I wear. Thinking is an afterthought; my opinions and beliefs are just views and most think that they should think for me, because I not capable of my own choices whether they are right or wrong.

This is deep, and people would say let that shit go. I would say at least I honest and feel it. If people were honest and fuckin felt something maybe the world would be a different place. It not evil or completely unheard to feel into the depths of your soul. It the fake people who can’t be honest with themselves. I have ask God why, would you continue to send us here to experience all these things, to only have us continue them generation after generation. The only explanation that I got was that is the point, to remember who we are and wake up from the lies that have been placed on you. That you are sovereign being living from the mind and not the heart. Your told that it the mind that runs the show and it really the heart.

So why is it so difficult for people to see that? It was explained to me like this if we were to take away everything from you: as labels, things, family, friends, money, clothes, homes, pain, job/careers, all the experiences good, bad or lovers, who would you be? Since there is no reference point you would just be. Just a baby has no reference point until it experiences life. Before life or the womb, it knows that it is source and love without the labels. It is a pure being of light with consciousness of everything that is ever known. That you only see darkness because that is what you told by everyone and everything you around you. A tree does not darkness unless the sun is not shining and even when it not shining on your side the planet is still shinning somewhere on the planet or out in the universe. Your taught this is all there is and that furthest thing from the truth. There are life forms all around you, you only been taught to see what is visible which only one point of view.

You taught that a tree is green with leaves, yet if you were to really look at entire tree it is individual among many, just as you are. Snowflakes have been shown to entire works of art by themself, yet they are still a snowflake. The deeper you go the more you see, feel, hear, taste, touch, or experience. Your perception is unlimited, you’re not taught to expand the view using all the senses from within you. Or that the entire universe is within you. That everything exists within before it manifested without.

When an artist, builder, musician, writer, or anyone, they have a thought, idea, or vision, or use the senses to brings it in to form. They see a different view within them. Feeling and emotions is what moves people to share their thoughts. Just as you write now, you had this pit in your stomach that needed to come out. To express something that was within you. The voice that tells you something is off, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. This is  the body way of tapping into what needs to be expressed. Writing is physically expression of the calling within to do something. To release the energy that needs to be expressed. Even if no one reads it, it is still putting it into form.

What if another feels as you do and does not know how to acknowledge that calling within to use words to do the same. They are walking around feeling this pit whether it in the heart or stomach it is internal truth. Many times, we deny what we are feeling because others have told us it not ok to feel, that it touches a cord of truth.

10-01-21 I thought I was doing it all the right reason.

 

When I started this journey 17 years ago, I thought I was doing for all right reason, psychic abilities, and mediumship to channeling guidance. I never thought that I would be healing myself along the way and hearing other people’s horrific stories along the way. I wanted to understand what was happening to me and why since I was a small child that I knew and saw and felt things that others did not. I sit here today questioning all of this and trying to wrap my head around what I know and what to do with it. I would speak about it, yet I am better at writing about. I have questioned why I struggle to talk about it many times over I think we don’t discuss it unless we had an experience or just play it off because were afraid of look strange, crazy or a freak.

To the point that I have no fight left to do it. When I think about the people I know or known that have since passed or living and that things that have been done to them by other humans. The pain that they have caused and things that have been done to them by other people it is absolutely amazing that they are alive. I continually see this same behavior and belief systems playing out with people almost everywhere that I go.

I fight myself to do this work because my heart is just breaking inside at things that people have told me and their secrets that they have told me and about their lives, that most people have no idea the level of domestic or sexual violence, control or predatorial against women, men and children. I feel obligated to write their stories and question myself as why I feel this need. I am playing on my own wounds from my childhood that I feel neglect and devoid of the loving that I constantly had to beg for affection or acknowledgement that I existed.

The fact that I was verbally abused and threated by physically harm for most of my life. That I had a mother so afraid to leave my father that she allows me (I can’t speak for sibling) that I was left to play the game of being the good girl to do everything that he said to protect myself and my sibling so that he would not attacked them until I could no longer take it or any adult by the time that I teenager. While my mother stood behind him or us to protect only herself. I don’t know if the marriage vows or the fact was that she was afraid and disempowered to speak up for herself.

My father was the ruler and I suspect that this same behavior came from both their upbringing of the generations of women being second to their husbands. They say we attract what we most need to heal. I am tired of clearing family dysfunctions that I have survived and the things that I have experienced by the hands and words of others. There is nothing left of me to give. I have tried repeatedly to put my life back in order, after the spiritual reawakening all those years ago. I feel like I failed myself because I just didn’t know or understand what happened to me or spirituality why I was walking in two world. I have crying to god for answers, ask him to heal me or take me because the pain was so deep. I don’t believe it all from one lifetime, yet I feel like I walk through several lives and lived completely lifetimes in just few short years, so much that I can’t even remember all of it and its probably a good thing.

I went from owning my own home to being homeless and then into housing all to save myself and my children from people, including my family and an ex. That he felt it was his right to verbally assault me after I came to him for help. He exploited me and my pain for his personal gain of custody of my son. In all rights, I was the caretaker of my son, and he used the courts, which only exploited my children, their safety and myself. Hiding behind my ability to pay or housing. I been paying for the sins of my parents and generations before. Some call it a soul contract that I agreed to come into a highly dysfunctional family to clear karma or whatever. I asked repeatedly why I would encounter so much pain and suffering throughout my life. Relearning what it means to stand up for oneself.

I have done everything that one can possibly do to free themselves from the sick, toxic and distorted people. I don’t remember signing up to be a walking door mat, yet that is what I learned. Be good little girl and do as your told. I never understood that concept and the Sagittarius in me is like hell no. This concept of be kind and nice to everyone is great thought, if people actually did it. When walking home from school and being jumped for no reason or you leave a five-year-old child to walk to school who encounters a pedophile without telling them to not speak to strangers and a neighbor who would save my life but the freak in the car would tell me if I said anything that he kill me and my family.  

This was not the first time or the last. In 2017 I went under hypnosis because I realized that I pattern of leaving job and relationships after or around two and half years. Under hypnosis I watched as my father at 2.5 years old blasted me for not standing still for a picture. It was done with so much anger that it was like someone screamed at my entire being and it went through me. It seems that my entire life is filled with these events. I even tried to learn hypnosis when the teacher discredits the fact that I could say and know things and that the person’s face spoke words when I said things that I could not have known without hypnosis. I quit training after that because here was just another person telling me that I did not know what I was talking about. If I am so wrong, why are people trying so hard to convince me they know more than I know about own perceptions. My own mother has been saying it to me my whole life. People are always saying I don’t know what I am saying, yet I have proven again and again.

I think that I have this abilities because I had so many traumas before the age of seven that the only way to protect myself was to go within. That in order to feel safe I kept things to myself because the outer world would constantly tell me I wrong, as person, a female, mother or even as woman. And only a man can have any thoughts or opinions. Now along with these abilities that were all have that humans are born with because not all are who they seem which is a whole of story in itself. I see it like this, if you been mind programmed for long enough you forget what is real. Literally from the time that you’re a child your programmed to listen to everyone accept yourself. Your told that you don’t know anything, and children can’t or don’t know anything unless they go to school or higher education.  

Well, you’re not going to know anything when your told you don’t know anything, yet there are children and adults who do amazing things because they were given the opportunity to explore who they were as child and adult. I didn’t have those parents. Much like the rest of world I have no idea what I capable of because I been fighting to be seen, heard or live my life. I lost track of assaults and being jumped or violated by people words, actions, and physical attacks.

I thought I could help people and ended up healing myself process, I don’t know that I will ever to able to heal myself completely, because I have a lot of unanswered questions. As why people did what they did. Some days I am good and other days I am on the floor. I write about it because it is the only outlet that I have to find resolution to things in my life. When my spiritual gifts came back online for me to remember it and added a whole different level to my life, and basically, I was stripped of everything that I had or knew up to that point.

As a result of waking up I put my faith in blind faith as I call it, that everything that I experience and had experience would lead me in direction that would be my destiny or life path that I choose for this lifetime. Due to money constrains and a mother of two small children I ran to the books because the internet was in it early stages of development. I have studied a lot of things and master of none it. I still find information that I spend years looking for and I tried to write my life story more times that I have fingers on my hands at this point. I ask God or my guides to send me people to help me and have yelled at the guides and God for the same reason, out of frustration and why the vision that I had for my life is so far removed that I can’t even imagine it happening at this point.

I am constantly in battle with myself because I either speak my truth or play happy fluffy bunny spirituality from teacher’s that have no idea of the crap that people have walk through. I never in my wildest dreams (as metaphor) thought that I would walk the road I have and people that I have met along the way. I have hope that one day that I met someone that could handle the level of encounters that I have experienced or the stories that have been told to me. I have given up on that idea too.

My studying has crossed so many areas that I lost track of them too. I recently donated 126 books because I guided too. And look back asking why because they been like the bible to me, trying to understand my gifts and abilities to saving my sanity. I have no idea how many books in total that I have read or articles, videos, and writing that I have written to try speaking about the subject and these days I am lucky if I speak at all. I spend my time trying to put spirituality or my life in context that reflects something back to me. That all this work that I did has a reason or cause. If seems the more I know the less I know.

Many times, I heard I am running away, well that may be true to degree because if I really look at my life, I been running to save it. I am really tired, and out of ideas how to rebuild my life over and over again because of the dysfunction’s that I learned as child. The trust issues, boundaries, control, codependence, never being enough, unlovable, intimacy issues and standing up for myself, the abuse, violations and predators, misogynist men and misandrist women or people hating in general, addictions and personality disorder.

The way I see it God created us all and even the bible states it, even the bible has been used to separate and divide people for our beliefs. Every religion points to a higher power or external force. Which really is in us, all.

Somewhere I must have for asked how people become the people they are and, in their situation, well I should have known better considered that question before I asked it because I have seen things that I still trying to purge for my brain that I will never find peace for unless I send love to myself for being the witness or observer of it. I am listen now at the children playing outside talking smack with their words I can only imagine what is happening inside their world that they use such venom words to speak to each other. I am not saint and have uttered words of pure anger but normally in the confines of myself or venting to release the energy.

I am scared because I invested 17 years into something that I am no longer passionate about.  I have sent out thousands of resumes to get a job/career that I believe in and that was worth a cause. I written a millions words at this point between my writings and college, to educated myself to have my own thoughts or knowledge that allude me to solve basic needs in my life. I can’t count the number of times that people have said to take a job because it will make me money to encounter soul-less people who take their jobs way to seriously, that I should slave for scraps to feel like it is a slow death to my soul, even if it temporary.  

People think I am too serious within my self and I am because I was forced or chose to see things that I had no idea that existed or what human or otherwise are capable of. The layers and layers of lies, and programs to keep people from living. Wondering are we all a clogs in machine for people to feed from us. With a parasitic governments and corporations, the 1% to average person who can’t remember who they are.

If love in foundation of creation, or of child, planet, or everything. Why are there such distortions and why does history keeping changing and repeating itself? I don’t know that answers to this question. I would have to say something it is not God who is keeping us in these cycles, to not even trust anyone and all the while, how would God fix this, or how does God see this or why would God allow this.

If I am made in image of God and creating my reality with my thoughts, did I really help create all these problems on the planet, because I was never trained to use my mind correctly, that when I hate I hate me first because If I am all and the many too, then is there is the Law of correspondence in action or in other words, what is done to another will be returned to you, simply put Karma in action.

If I take the actions of others, review my live and myself in regard to what has happen either I was a terrible person in this life or another. Which I have a hard time believing, but it could be true for a past live, yet with my memories I have I don’t know that I have purposely tried to hurt anyone. In anger with words yes, not to them and the many people that I have encountered not to their faces because due to the trauma that I have experience I tend to freeze first or just go into shock and don’t know how to respond to people who claim that they are who claim to be. Even knowing that it is all surface garbage of their own stuff and own inner projection of their wounds, words and actions, it speaks volumes to what they really believe about themselves. I don’t know if any of this is even making sense at this point.

If I was to take a bigger perspective of what is happening, I would say that the world is standing up for the injustices against them whether it in the home, work, or world, we have relied on the governments to stand for the people, yet they shut down the entire world and expect to us believe that they knew nothing and did nothing to contain the problem.  That is like saying No one saw the planes fly into the twin towers and it some kind of fluke on the radar.

Violence is not the answer, just as the military use the term stand down, so can we. Lock in our homes fearing what – living, dying, friends, family, going out in public – we need to stand up and just not take it. People are going to die and someday we all will pass from this world into the next life, so why fight it, because you going to do it again and repeat the lessons if you didn’t get this time.

If government can shut down, so can we, by standing down and not playing their game of control and manipulation. This is when people should turn away from the media and the people bashing, it is disgrace the level unprofessionalism tactics, tactless, and hatred; moreover, is the fact that people are sitting there getting their drama fix from it, that is addiction too. These people in government are here to serve us not the other way around and if they can’t do their jobs and serve the people it time for them to go. Riker’s Island looks nice with all the pedophiles and sex slave traders. Dirty corrupt people. Big tech with stealing data and stalking people while profiling them. Chips or inserting nano technology in people and children.  I can’t figure out what horror or Sci-Fi movie I am living in am more. Yet I can go to the park or to nature and none of that exists there. We have lost sight of what is important!!

10-7-21 Psychic information

 

10-7-21 Psychic information

9-30-21 Dream – I am in a house that looks Asian, there is what looks like a type of Japanese Tub within feet of a pool table, there is a bar and what looks to be a 70’s living room that is more modern. I am observer – there is a male there – the male goes into the tub. A male and two male guest come home, I hear them, they are in the house away from me. I trying to clean up the water after coming out of the tub and there is water pool table. I am trying to hide, there is pool down a walk thru, I see bath area to hide in. I hear them coming. There are women hiding in the pool area too behind a cloth curtain. Also, there a gate by the outdoor pool and there is a round object in the pool like a top of jelly fish or shell, I saw these before they grab me. They find me because my image is reflected in the tile. They grab me. (I wake Up) at this point.

The tub was black with a blue rim and the pool table had blue felt.

Told that a Legion angels surround the earth (this is 2^nd time I got angels surround the earth), 1^st time I could actually hear them.

Heard – coming out of shadows?

10-02-21 Heard Mass Exodus-

10-03-21 told we witnessing and birthing history

I kept see this word tornato, I thought is for tornado, but it seems to refer the word broken down as Tor- nato, when I looked up NATO it seems to be build on a mount or in form of mount. When I looked up the word for the “Tor” means mount. So, is something happening with regard to Nato?

Also, I questioned whether the Canary Island and the volcano had a connection to the Water that many and including myself have had visions of. If it is/was tsunami that they trying to be created by Haarp technology or satellite to create a disaster by targeting the Volcano, and its relation to Gov’ Shutdown (so DC could flee to Safety). Now I don’t know about ocean currents, but it looks like it could have do a lot damage to East coastline and this brings in the Volcano in Hawaii and its relation to California and it Fault line in question.  

I also just realized that were still in hurricane season and I had flash of what would that look like for a Tsunami and Hurricane to collide.

10-4-21 had a vision of building that had black out windows and framing, looked like a modern department store in the city, it also has white writing for name, but I could read it.

10-05-21 Denver the City?

10-06-21 I kept hearing lomo las toy a – Spanish (I don’t speak Spanish) tried to translate and it was “ loins the victor/victory”. I found refer to "Prepare for action".

? Space force One- Not Air force one

Portugal on the map?

Short stacks – I thought small pancakes but there are other versions as in shorts Stocks were trader make money borrowing stocks and price drops to only make money on them and then buy them back at a lower price. There is a poker ref too – which I don’t understand.

10-07-21 hearing London bridges falling down, falling down -  

I heard since I was a little girl and again under hypnosis to protect the children. Is this in regard to jab similar to mercury exposure or that the children are not being protected enough against technology and creepy pedo’s. Big tech influencing them and destroying their public safety to exploit them for personal and financial gain. Along with the fact your rights are being silenced.

 Also, there being this man hunt for one man and thousands disappear every day or every year, and this being witch hunt more of diversion, if I disappear, I don’t think the same attention would be given to anyone to try and locate myself.  Along with the thousands other possibility of criminals doing crimes each day or is it the rating thing to make money and keeping you looking at Afghanistan, Haitians people at the border, or the border itself, to keep you distracted from what ?? thinking what is really happening. I pray for right answers and Justice for this woman, but there something off. 

How media has become the sooth of truth and justice what happened the to the rights “presumed innocence until proven guilty”, where the hell are all the lawyers that took oaths to represent the people and law. Back pockets of judges and government. I thought news or real journalism was to report, not interject their personal opinions. Conquer and Divide and turn one against another. When we should be working together.  

Oh, while my little tangent, if I hear one more POTUS say fix the infrastructure of bridges and roads, where hell the money really going? Clintons, Bushes, Trump, Obama and Biden same play book different person! Look it up they all said it. Just ask google did Clintons say about yada, yada? and so on ...!

 

 

-10-6-21 Silent No More (reader discretion advised)

 

7-6-21 Silent No More (reader discretion advised)

The following are things that I have experience at the hands of humans, not psychically, but in the real world. People think I am crazy for work that do and the thing I am seeing and speaking about in the world that is invisible to them that I have awareness of. Below is both horror and the sickness that is pervading this world. These are just small piece of what I have experienced from people I have met along the way. I don’t know the answers to the problems and because they’re so many broken systems that it could not handle the volume of people affected. All I can do is pray that there change and the sooner the better and starts with all of us. 

I was silenced as a child. I was told not to speak about the things that I saw or knew. I have been verbally and physically threatened to behave or be punished by threat of physical harm, if I did not do as I was told by my family, schools, work, and other people who sat by and did nothing to protect me. I have been sexually violated at the age of five when a man flashed himself at me and if it was not for a neighbor, he could have kidnapped me. I have gone under hypnosis to witness being yelled at age 2.5  that vibrated through my entire body and suspect that there is even more being, these are of patterns that run throughout my life and probably stem as early my birth. 

 I had my face stashed by someone who was a friend when her boyfriend and herself wrapped a ball that had tape and nails in it and decide to take it across my face. This same girl did 5200.00 worth of damage to my car. I had another friend sexually assault me when he wanted to show me something in his room because I had been at the bar and took it as a sign that I wanted to be with him. I had a man convince me that he could help me and then violated me, afterwards questions whether I was actually working for pedophile. I have been physically chased in dark by a person and also in my vehicle that I drove right to the police station for my safety. I been jumped repeatedly since elementary school or attacked verbally up until four months ago. 

 I have been called crazy by my family and assaults by my family members numerous times. I watch my entire family be destroyed, to point that I gave up a home, lost everything that I own to that point. Had numerous jobs, cars, and my son take from me even when I raised him for the first eight years of life. I slept in my car, put out a shelter for setting boundaries. I have lived in two shelters and two transition housing. 

I have spent 17 years trying to put my life back together as to why these psychic, mediumship, trauma, channelings, assaults, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional, physical neglect, sibling abuse, bullying have happened to me my entire life and to others. I have walked away from everyone that I would have called family for the most part of 10 years ago, to understand the behaviors of a narcisistic behavior, psychotic behavior, codependence, and addictions, to true personality disorders and not the fact there is spiritual side of us that is our birth right  for us to navigate this polarized world. Were hate and fear is normalized and love is after thought. 

 I have been threatened to be killed as well as my family by the same man that flashed me. I have been threatened by some of the men in my life who either wanted to control me or disagreed that I had another thought or opinion than theirs. I have been verbally threatened by the courts and by a lawyer to silent me, as well as, my attorney was threatened by the courts because she didn’t reside in the same county as the courts. I have held a PFA Protect from abuse order against my ex for over five years. I fled my birth county because they would not protect my children or myself. To not know if I will ever return to actually live there again. 

I have seen animals abuse by people, I met a child who was burned on arm for not listening, I met a woman who was so badly beaten that you could not tell who she was. I met a woman who was choked to near-death seven times each time she would regain conscious he choke her again, until they arrested him finally put the man in jail. I met a woman whose husband trying to cut her in half with power saw that she is in hiding for the rest of life. I met a woman whose boyfriend would put his cigarettes out on her body to keep her from leaving him in the name of love, but really it is control over them. I have seen a dead body lying on the side of the road and people just kept driving by it all day to include myself because I didn’t know what to do. I can't count the number of women that I met who have had their children taken from them without do cause by the courts in several counties, that have been so removed by other parent that they struggle to continue to fight for their rights and their children, to include myself. 

I have seen children left alone for hours to fend for themselves. I have seen children paraded fully exposed by the mother down a hallway as though none of it matter. I have seen children locked in closets and punishment for being gay or acting out. I have seen children that eat with spoons well beyond that age that should be using a fork and knife. I could not tell the amount of times that I witness or know about a child left under the age of five and younger for hours home alone or witness left in car to go into stores or mall. 

I have spoken with veterans that because of fear of their own lives that they cannot find closure for what they have witnessed, or they were told that they will be harmed by the government or their own families harmed by being of services our country. I have met a woman who put her children in the closet while her husband would come home drunk and beat her every night until she could finally leave him. I have met women who were so isolated by their partner from family and friends that they had fled to stay alive. I have met children who hide under beds while their parents went at it fighting and screaming. I met children who lock themselves in their rooms for fear of being assaulted or violated. I have met women who because of the wedding vows stayed with abusers well beyond the time they should have because they believed in those vows or having no-where, or no one to turn too.

I have seen children locked out of home as punishment. I met a child that they left home for six weeks while their guardian was hours away in an entire state all together. I met children who were not washed for weeks or their hair so matted that you had to cut the knots out of hair. I met and saw children that have sores because their diaper was not changed for hours and or left in carries, walkers for hours on end.  I have been stalked and believe that there is someone still trying to find shit on me through Facebook. Which should be called stalk book beyond corporations that are data mining your information to create programs to track you or the children. I have seen young children cursed up and down who could not even spell, much less talk yet because they were too young to understand what the words meant but could feel the anger behind those words.

I have been and witness to people hoarding so much stuff that there is no room for the children to play and the family can’t even move in their own homes. I met and know of children who take care of their siblings or taking on work in the home because one of the parent/s is so drunk and medicated that they are fending for themselves. Or the mother is so afraid of the husband that she hides behind the Children, so father will not come after her. 

I have been threatened by courts to be put in jail and a bench warrant issued for 240.00. I had to make payments for child support that should have never had happened for custody of my son. I had the custody of son taken from me because I fled to safety and had a contempt order against me to have two judges remove my custody, on a contempt order filing, to then spend months appearing in court on what the judge called a Poor man appeal to my face, to then appeal to the Superior Court of Philadelphia to have the courts send my case back to the county after 18 months of fighting the laws that they broke in the process. 

I have seen parents individually or separately call their child names that I would even think of saying to an adult, let alone a child. I have seen these same children in turn use this language of their on friends. I have seen women so overwhelmed by fear of not being loved that they sit back and do nothing, because they don't see it as a problem or even wrong, to think they somehow saving them. I have spoken to both men and women were dysfunctions crossed multiple generations grandparents, parents, and children to grandchildren that follow them to the next generation because no has stopped the dysfunction and questioned is this healthy. 

Believe me, I am no angel; I carry my burdens that I could have done better or more for my children or the people that I have met and spoken to. I have seen people with every issue under the sun. I had services for what I experienced just with my own life to be given medication to try fix me as they say or to get services I needed, told that I need to be on medication for Alcohol abuse when I have not had a drink over 10 plus years, even before that, All, because there they don't believe there is a spiritual side of us that is force out of us by fear of not being loved, unworthy or never be enough, for being punished, not being the good girl or boy, or not right gender. For speaking out, not following the rules of society. illness or otherwise, because it is not ok to be who you are or when finally do crack open or wake up, you’re like what F is going on, to be placed on mind-numbing drugs unless you’re lucky enough to get someone who realized what is/has happening and what has been buried in you for years in the subconscious is coming out. And I did even touch on women who have been raped or victims of incest, victimized by trafficking, trafficking themselves female or male, or by their own parent.

I am not writing this to guilt anyone or even attempt to fix it because it beyond my means. I just can’t carry this on my heart or soul any longer, not that these memories will ever go away. I want them to have a voice that someone knows what has been done to them or and they can heal or at least try to heal. People tend to think they know everything about a person or a situation – but do you really know what is happening on the other side of that house door, business or your Boss office. Silent is a deadly killer to the soul and heart.  So let stop treating as each other as throw away people and throw away children. So crazy or not, I will continue to help until I leave this planet. 

Just so there no questions about it there are ethics to doing psychic or mediumship work and honestly, I have never asked anyone for money unless they asked or offered, because the work comes first. It has come back to me in other ways and or universe has sent me what I needed. So, before anyone passes judgment take a good look at yourself, because I am sure that there is stuff that you have experienced that is beyond words to express. Whether I speak for living or dead, you have all had experiences that you can’t explain yet never bother to investigate for yourself as to whether not there is truth to it or not. I may not have a famous name or make lots of money, but I will put my integrity before anyone's criticism of me.  

And if there are issues will my grammar or word choices, just get over it. This is writing is to help people get the help they need or for the ones that they need validation that someone knows what happen to them. Dead or alive.