The number one question that I get from people who have known me my whole life or for a very long time. Is why didn’t they know that I was psychic! Well for one thing I had no idea what it was called until someone said something to me around the age of thirty-four. I was directed to a book that would talk about someone and their own life regarding these abilities and they were taught from a young age to understand what was happening through them.
I was not this person. I was told from a young age that we don’t speak of these things. Which one of the many trauma that I have experienced throughout my life? I believe that we all are psychic, empathic, a medium and channel abilities and so much more; these are natural as breathing is to us. We are taught to deny our gifts and deny ourselves. I hear talk about how special people or children are, but this has been happening for a very long time on this planet.
How most have a remembrance after some accident or near-death experience, traumatic event. Which is described as some type of psychosis, which is then medicated to then block your abilities or be drugged, alcohol to the mental health industry that there is something wrong with you and you are delusional.
From the various conversation that I have had or read about these same helping people in this MH field that come to the field not only to help but because of the traumas that they have experienced, as to why they felt different. That they were not the popular kids, the athlete in sports, these were one that more comfortable being in the corner reading a book, or watching the clouds go by or prefer the arts or music, to be the silent observer one, because they did not fit in.
They are the ones that could not understand why no one knew the things that could see or why others didn’t see or know things, too. That They could talk to the trees, plants, and wind and see the sadness in people or houses that they walk by. All the while silently wanting to fit into a world that rejects them, either by their parents, school, or what they were experiencing and could not put into words.
If they did speak up, they were told that they should not feel that way or because the other person didn’t feel that way, there was something wrong with them, either by that person, they told or their own thoughts to be liked, and fit in. Not all are here to talk to the dead but to bring in wisdom and knowledge through, Yes. The system - pick one, any one, it is rigged against you. If you have trauma in your childhood, lack of parenting, guidance or one of many other factors your abilities are turned down really low or you’re not acknowledging them when they are at play out. You are most likely to possibly dismiss them altogether.
As a parent, my children would come to me say that something was in the closet or basement, etc. Because my abilities were running only half tilt and are still blocked by either trauma or suppressed to a degree, even now. I would naturally say I don’t see anything and close the door to tell them to go to sleep or they refuse to sleep in their bed or rooms altogether.
To be woke up in the middle of the night to find them sleepwalking or watching TV in the middle of the night. To walk fully past me, a Television and company to have no awareness of what they were doing or even that they were walking. Even I never fully realize that they were not fully conscious walking around they were in an altered state of awareness.
They would not go to sleep unless I was there with them or sleep alongside them. Which made it very difficult when you have worked all day to come home, make dinner and to the nightly route and fight with the kids to go to sleep. And this behavior goes on for generation after generation of an unacknowledged response, We think as mothers/fathers were doing what is best, but the very part of children that pure and of love, just like the day of their birth and months afterward, is slowly slipping away from them and it happens to you too, depending on the conditions that you were raised in and the awareness that your parents had that you were a small human from the other side, heaven or another planet.
My own upbringing was difficult in that I had this awareness and was not supposed to talk about it. From my father being angry and watching my mom respond to his outbursts to the two very different parenting styles of control, obedience to hands-off, and submission. Now understandably factors like their own parents, history, and their level of awareness of their own feelings, emotions, and wounded traumas play right into my upbringing.
Navigation of the extremes was difficult and there was a lack of consistency in either direction. Told to not speak about things created confusion in ways that I don’t think I fully understand today. These early childhood programs by my parent’s beliefs and behaviors to suppress myself is like silencing the soul. Ultimately, you’re silencing yourself and anything that your feelings, think, or have knowledge of that what you are to bring into this life.
I have no idea what age I was, but I have always known that it was all wrong and Love was missing in many ways. Being that I lived in very volatile conditions from one moment to the next, add in my father drinking, the need to provide and support us and my mother lack of words or fear, own stance – which of course was passed to them through my grandparents, great-grandparents, their beliefs, behaviors and history and trauma, fears, and phobia.
I could list the actual events of my childhood but because everyone’s experiences of childhood will not be like mine or have similarities, that you are the only person that can define whether it was dysfunctional or not is you. Since I have not completely resolved my triggers regarding some of the events, I have chosen to disassociate and separate myself when those same patterns are still playing out. I mention Love above and it is not unloving to disconnect from people who would continue to put you in harm's way emotionally, physically, or mentally.
Forgiveness is something that I have to work on every day and with the people who have brought and done some of the things that brought the most trauma to my soul and my life. In hindsight, I would have been a different person and a lot of things that I did or found myself in would not have happened to me. But In reality, we all would not have the world that we have right now. If anything, I have had to learn to forgive Myself first.
My sensitivity, psychic and medium abilities make my life difficult to the point that I have compassion for the underdog and see the abuse of power that is in the world and at the hands of other people, also from the average Jo/Joe (generalization). I struggle to speak up because there is a fine line between taking action to assist someone when there is a greater purpose at play.
Example of greater purpose- Let’s say much like myself – I was seen a shy, timid, control, suppressed and silenced, outburst in school when I treated with disrespect or indignant, set boundaries, no boundaries or cross my boundaries – that my purpose is to have a voice in the world no -matter what it takes. As a child whether I was told that could not do something whether It more of a girl or boy activity or not, or whatever ridiculous thing came out of someone's mouth” I would say Watch me”.
As of yet, I have not figured out to bring this information to make available to a bigger audience for lack of better words my own technical skills. I have worked in an office or customer service position my entire life, which one would think that it would be easy to speak. I can speak but publicly I am overwhelmed by the information and what to bring forth, as what is helpful in or at the moment.
Then of course arguably, I have a battle with my own mind going on, and no I am not mental. It is like this you have idea, project or what have you, you think about how to present it, but even with all that, like I know we don’t die, and Fear is Fake and just a social program to keep you powerless – and you create reality -with all that, others programming to keep you thinking that you have sinned or disconnected from God or whatever story that is being perpetuated. The thought of staring at people via Zoom or publicly is quite the challenge, which I am currently working on – and hoping for some money to show up, or person and not a traumatic event to literally find the balls to actually do it.
So, with that, I answered a very short question, with a long explanation. I don't know what it is like to not have these abilities, and research from even the CIA, to LSD, Remote viewing, and the various governmental group has and still do testing and use these abilities in many countries.
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