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Tuesday, April 21, 2026

04/19/26 This comes with a trigger warning, when you are not enough.

Hearing post it. 04/21/26 

The following is documentation that I have kept doing daily for the last 14 months, plus a whole other crazy. I had to look at the part of my life that I endured as a child in my adult life, trying to understand why things have happened in the way that they have, including behaviours and beliefs that I have received from what is considered generational trauma.

 This is by looking at one's own family history, and historical history, parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, if available. If adopted or if there is a separation from one parent or the other, the same would apply.  These are, for all intents and purposes, trauma to you, or you carry, that needs to be cleared or looked at, because on some level, they are still at play. And it just takes one person to say wait a minute. 

This is not something taught unless you question your reality.  I am not a psychologist or doctor; at one point, I wanted to be a psychologist. I'm just one person whose life got turned upside down when my life crashed around me, and a spiritual door opened that I had not known about. Yet, had been experiencing it since I was a child and had no reference point. And wandered down a long road that created more confusion than help at times. Even now, when spirituality seems to be a multi-million dollar business. When your spiritual first, not the other way around. I have known this since I was a child, and for as long as I can remember, and forgot it through conditioning. 

So let me tell you why I am writing this piece. I encountered a child and ignored the child, knowing fully well that by engaging I was putting myself in a situation where I have no way to help him, and possibly endangering myself. I have reported to the complex that I live in, I have called the police, and I have my documentation of what I experienced by living next to them or witnessing it in person.  I have been repeatedly told "they will talk to them" to the person in question, told by the police that not a noise issue, when expressing concerns about child safety and conditions. Told by the police that what happens in one's home or apartment does not warrant a complaint for them to come out.  Listed at the end. 

I have witnessed this more times than I would like to say, since the spiritual door opened. I have had to look at it with different eyes, because therapy is limited in many ways. This includes my own handling of situations or thoughts, when I have flown off the handle from stress, or just being empathetic and picking up on other people's energy, creating situations that create fear, control, punishment, or to manipulate other people because they have not looked at their own abusive tendencies. What is also not acknowledged is that the same beliefs and behaviors are passed down through the family lines, programming for grand- parents to parents to children. The only way to break the program is to break the beliefs and behaviors. 

There is a thought that we create reality, good, bad, and indifferent, to learn soul lessons, all playing their part to act as a mirror of creation. I can't argue for it or against it; for my own mind can't completely wrap my mind around it. There is a misnomer that spiritually awake people don't encounter these toxic people. Once you have been cracked open to realize something is seriously wrong, because as you awaken or have an experience that opens just a little bit, you realize that consciousness has become a commodity to keep you in Fear and against other people.  

The guides said, " Fear is a learned response to an event." I asked how this is helpful, considering that it is multifaceted.  In that it, it could be a present life, generational, Past life, even galactic, to a soul contract to act as a catalyst, or a soul lesson to yourself or for another person's soul evolution, or people. This is where many of my conflicts or confusion arise from. 

 As the child above, who may be in a soul contract with this situation with the mother, myself trying to report it in the hope that it registers that there is a problem and why I continue to find these people around me, knowing my own trauma as a child, and the long-term effect it has had on me as a person. This is where the misnomer comes from about spiritual people and the projection by them or someone thinking that they are completely healed,  that we stop encountering polarity; we are still human and walk our own journey with all of what is happening. When we only see it for what they are, and hopefully have a hefty toolbox to disengage from them, not always. 

Because once the crack opens, you may become aware, that does not mean that the rest of the world is or people are too enlightened, too. 

This is months of this, starts as early as 8 AM and goes until 10 PM or even later, and the child in question was 4, now 5 years old. What did you endure, or what did your parents endure, because this is learned behavior, beliefs, and Fear. If the prior generation did not clear it, now it is on you to acknowledge it, clear and heal it, to break the programming. It is the only way to stop it. This is self-hate, self-harm, not lovable, not or never good enough, that comes from others. I am touching on only a few. 

Most of this happens behind closed doors, not seen by friends, other family members, disempowering, dominance of standing over you, pinning you in corners, bullying, gaslighting, the narcissist, male or female, the psychopath, creating trauma bonding, well into future relationships. Turn people into predators, and the masks that they wear. Someone recently said to me, why are you the only one reporting this. I wasn't the only person, but I told the person in question because they are afraid for their safety, and I am too, but doing nothing is condoning that it ok to do to anyone. If all the shit that I've been through has taught me anything, it is this: For what you do to another, you do to yourself.  

As someone who grew up living like this, on eggshells, not being able to breathe or fear of breathing, making too much noise, or taking on the abuse so my siblings would not have to when I was a child myself. And the other parent knew, allowed it, and even ignored it, to what I would say abandoning us and condemning it. Possibly her own family issues that were not looked at, I can only speculate at this point.  

(Told to write this) This is where I'm going to tell that someone did know or has the awareness that something is off or very wrong, as to what has happened to you, even if you feel alone and you think no one cares. For reasons outside of time and space, it is known about. 

The List:  (I was given:  The armchair parenting by guides, did not know prior) I am sure that we have all done this at some point as a parent, or to a partner, due to our daily lives. This is behavior that becomes a habit and devalues people as less important than the activity that you're doing.  

04/12/26 6:41 PM  - Screaming at the kid, all afternoon, the TV! 

Now the kids decide it is his turn to kick the walls or the stairs 
7:38 PM and still yelling and screaming, banging.

4/13/26 I am cleaning the bathroom: she is flipping out on the kid, stomping on the floor, going after him, this is around 9 -9:15 AM.  

4/14/26 Morning ritual of flipping out on the kid. 9 PM Banging on the floor, again and again, then the TV and hear speakers or popping from them, smelling cigarette smoke downstairs.   

4/15/26 ?There was banging off and on, or the TV/speakers popping at 9:10 PM, 

04/16/26 - 9:20 PM banging/stomping, Also again stale cigarette smoke upstairs this time by the bathroom. 

4/17/26 9:24 AM, and it begins - yelling, TV or stereo before 9 AM. I should not be able to hear. Kid is banging, followed by her yelling. Something just slammed the bedroom door, wall, banging shit on the floor. Calling the kid an ass-hole, screaming from downstairs to the upstairs. 9:40 AM I went outside because it was escalating, and she left afterwards. 

4/18/26 Kid banging or stomping on the stairs and the floor. 
2:09 PM They have not been in the apartment for 10 Mins. and jumping on the floor. 

4/19/26 11:27 AM Bouncing a ball against the living room walls? 
12:48 PM Screaming at the Kid. 
1:34 PM Screaming by her, and then the kid, and threats that she is going to beat his hiney ( I don't need to hear that shit)
Now the TV is overly loud and the "F word" is used at the kid. 
2:11 PM, screaming again at the child, the kid ran, and she told you, "Better run," screaming, banging in the kitchen, and still yelling. 
2:40 PM still yelling.... 3:26 PM still yelling
4:13 PM still at it, yelling at the child. 
4:17 PM I had to leave to get away from it. 
4:49 PM the TV OR STEREO ...omg, as well as banging stuff.
5:30 Two names now- (that is when you knew your trouble)  

If you made it to this point, I thank you for reading it and your time. And know that you have always been enough. 

Also, if you put Israel in the search bar, it shows other stuff that was given to me. 


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