1-10-22 Fisheyes

 

1-10-22 Fisheyes

Strange title I know but I always have a point for it. What are fish-eyes when you look more like a puffer-fish because you have cried so hard and from the depth of being that is what it looks like. I had many of these days where I am crying so hard that my face looks like something out of a horror film.

Where do these tears and pain come from, they come from the journey through life! Some of the spiritual teachings say that you are not your story, which is truth. There is only a small part of you inside this human form and for whatever reason, because we chose this life for soul expansion to come back to love and who you are, which is the son and daughters of God in form.

You are a being of light, color, and vibration that exists outside of time and space. We are born from love, yet we have agreed to come into this life to what some would call karmic patterns and ancestries of dysfunction. This of course raises the God question, why would God want me to experience all this pain and then some. I believe that God does want us to and after countless searches, I am not in that belief of – I think it is a human thing and one that perpetrated in use of God name.

For one thing, you are god in form and god wanted to experience its-self and you by agreement, decided to separate from the self. That you are love at the very core of you and everything else too. I remember coming from love and wondering why I felt like I was in the wrong family my entire life. Kind of like a cosmic joke.

I am what call an Irish twin that I have a sibling that was born less than 12 months apart. So, imagine if you would, that I was born, and my mother did not want another child that soon. As an infant, I come from the other side still fully intact with the memories of God, source, and the universe, and my Mother does not want another child right now. I am highly in tune with my mother, and she does want to be carrying this child.

I am an infant and I sense this, which I unknowing think it is myself and not my sibling. But I don’t know this – so of course, I and my sibling grow up not being wanted or the fact that now she has to take care of me and carrying an unborn child who is highly in tune with her also because she decided to be our parent in this incarnation.

Both I and my sibling grew up never feeling be wanted or appreciated or loved because this is not what my mother wanted for herself. This creates a disconnection in what is called attachment issues in psychology. Were there should have been a bond made with child and mother, it is not, but damaged and quite frankly is a distortion, opening the door to many different causes down that road.

So, we are raised feeling rejected, not wanted, not loved in the sense the connection that should have been made is now out of obligation and not love, joy or happiness. My Mother not having boundaries and communication skills left us looking for approval, our value, worth, and looking for validation, due to the fact we came from heaven, another dimension, and know only unity, love, and God. So essentially our parents are God’s to us. God creating children of God.

This is another stigmatization that is taught that God is outside of us not in us and that we are not equal to but less than and unworthily, again not true. I feel the cringles, we have all seen the Glory, glory God singing people and the Amens, like raging fiercely almost vomit praises – this is not me and more Zen quiet reflective thoughts and process. 

There were other factors at play too, in my life. I have another sibling 1-1/2yrs older, who is the firstborn and requires care too. My Mother is young and has not healed the own trauma from her life that was passed to her through her own upbringing and no life experience other than the first 21 yrs. of her life. To marry a man, my father who has not healed his life to social programs of the time and lineage of not knowing thy self, history of that time, cultural traditions, and family baggage.  

Now of course along the way, everyone told you that you were wrong, less than, not enough, not God even when the bible tells you are made in God's image. You have endured countless projecting from pre-birth to wherever you are in your journey of Life.

I for one am constantly processing where these triggers of less than who I am come from, to why and how they impact our life. I for one think it is a life as a spiritual journey and not necessarily a consuming one. We have all been raised that we go to school, college, work, find a partner or mate, build a family, and buy the house, vacation, and weather the storms of life the best possible way until you retire and pass from this life to the next. This is also dependent on culture and Countries, in that I am basing my ideas on thoughts beliefs, and what is perceived as normal in the country where I live. 

This leaves a lot of open-ended questions of course to whether it is a spiritual journey and not the one that we have become a custom to, why it is that way and why it does not happen. Well, that is in large a huge question to define, one that I will attempt to simplify. Let’s use a beehive or ant colony to explain a much larger concept. Most hives or colonies work on the primus that they work as a unit, unity consciousness. For clarification I not referring to the queen in the colony or hive as being neither female nor male. It is simply the avenue to explain a concept.

What if there was a great civilization that exists now or in the past that work in unison, unity, and not tyranny ruled by money, greed, and control or power. This is objective, of course, being that our history really does not reflect this philosophy but in small fragments in books or thoughts.

This is not also to dismiss the fact that there is a world elite that is pushing for this type of agenda and not based on equal power but more on inequality.  That formidable rises of more fear than question than true answers. How would one justify the class systems of a per ‘say a Walmart worker against a doctor or judge or even a corporation? And who should oversee such individuals to govern, because even though with have certain things in place – as in the Declaration of independence and laws, nonetheless seem completely altered by the few and not the whole.

Personal freedom is slowly being diminished for world powers and control over the individual, or whole of humanity. Leading to prayers and outcries to God and many legions of beings, not the ones that our government is in bed with for technology that could fix and save our planet. So, this leads where exactly, from fisheyes to changing the world as we know it. Believe me, I question these very thoughts in my own life.

 I for one think that I am crazy just writing about them and some far-out concepts. What I have learned is this: the heart is the power source and the mind is the projector. So, if we are creators of past, present, and future – everything is a manifestation of beliefs that we keep coming here to clear, heal and do differently. Yet we are not learning the lessons presented to us – in that God is love – Love is all. 

Just like the Irish sibling idea that I presented, everything is free will and self-mastery, and control over oneself. Had my mother had mastery over what she wanted as in a child, sex or different beliefs and thoughts, my sibling and I would not have been subjected to rejection over love because my mother was not staying true to herself and having better boundaries and living from a primal need to copulate.

This is not that she didn’t create in the world with the two of us, but her rejection of us created a ripple of doing something else that she may have wanted for herself and love. Now I trying to heal my life and not bring that stuff forward to future generations forward.

This is of course a huge undertaking, and many have said let it go and move on. Which of course is half-cocked by people who have limited perception of this deemed as a Ripple effect. That for every cause is an effect and stem from not being taught the truth that we Children of God, source, the universe and omnipresent, that if we could master the mind of thought, that we live in a much different world.

That we have an internal GPS system called intuition, the ability to heal ourselves and others, so many other things, it sounds like something out Sci-Fi movie.  When it is express in very religion and we lack teachers because like superheroes it requires responsibility.