What is expressed here is my opinion, views, and expression of events. I am not a doctor or psychiatrist and don’t have a degree that makes me an authority. My views are an attempt to heal myself and my experiences. Since I have repeatedly received from my guides to express my story and thought about it for a very long time not wanting to pass blame, judgment, or negate what has happened.
This is a very hard thing to do considering there is a spiritual component to all of it.
As a child, too young to understand what I was experiencing I would observe my father for a better lack of words what seem to be verbally attacking my mother, and not understanding why my mother would continue to endure this behavior, did not make sense to me. Was he was attacking my mother, and her not abating (stopping) him, or was he expressing himself and it appeared as something other than it was!
Since I have been sensitive my entire life and what I deemed an empathic/empath, or intuitive and I have the ability to feel, on a much deeper level and feel the intent behind the words this makes for a lot of challenges and opportunities to see things differently. Living was survival at most. They say we attract what we most need to heal. I firmly believe that is true.
My life was extremes from freedom with no real guidance or structure, to being a child heavily controlled to walking on eggshells. To constriction of don’t breathe, move or being seen. You learn very quickly how to navigate and avoid being a moving target for outbursts of verbal attacks to threats of violence. It did matter what you did or didn’t do.
Even when you were happy or joyful that was somehow sucked out of you or found to be disturbing. Our family belonging was not family-centered they were mine and not for you to touch. I remember one time my brother and I played a tape of Halloween songs and were reprimanded for playing with the stereo. It seems the only acceptable activity was when we are watching the TV and not moving around.
I have had done my research into the matter trying to understand what caused my father or mother to be who they were and their responses to how I was raised. If we attract what we need in the form of the law of attraction, then my parent’s thoughts, beliefs, emotions were determined by their own life situations, history, and society too.
What psychology calls the Generational transference of trauma. Since most of us were or are raised that when you grow up, your adult at 18 and you either went to some type of school, trade, or college, to meet someone and move on to marriage, home and children and retire; then pass away with little to no variants in the middle. This belief system continues to this day with small changes, with current changes with technology, and how things are done today with the C19 virus looming like a dark cloud.
While any opinion or thoughts is open game for hunting season to destroy any freedom of speech that is left on the planet, if not cohorst by social media or seen a credit-worthily unless back by some type of degree or doctoral. While failing to connect the dots of the interconnectedness. Seems like my childhood all over again, do as I say and speak nonetheless of any other thoughts, my house my rules, motto, which seems to play right into the media and social constraints playing out now.
My point of this is everything that I experience is a direct reflection of my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents and back as far as I have no idea when. In the native American tribes, they say that these beliefs and behaviors stem into seven generations unless one really looks where the core belief comes from.
The title of my article is Alcoholic and Co-dependent if drinking is seen as a rite of passage in some cultures because not all cultures believe this to be true, and we have a whole history on the banning and bootlegging of Alcohol, and how does it apply to me/you. Don’t get me wrong I have my share of late nights, bars, and situations that could have been done differently. I think this is a personal choice, but the one thing that I had control over with regards to my children is that they have a choice.
Since I found myself in relationships that were emotionally unhealthy, the possibility of an allergy to alcohol being that it a generational pattern that needed to be changed. I tend to think that it is a soul lesson to break a patterning that crossed over many generations. I have also watched it destroy people, with their lives with close relations or people that I have known.
I for one was told that My great-grandfather was an alcoholic to then leave my grandfather and his brother at an orphanage because my great-grandmother passed away. I have never told been why or even discussed beyond my own inquiry with my father in a sober state. As for my other side of the Family, there seems to have also been a drinking problem, which seemed to be a current way to face our emotions and feelings of things that happen to us or from situations that we create. As for the social aspect, that we learned to not face what we are feeling or choose not to. Which I will be writing about next or in the future.
Most have experienced a relative or friend, that cannot hold their liquor to become something other than a completely different person. (Which is a Shadow in what is called shadow work, because it is an unknown aspect of oneself.) I can hear the questions now. How is it unknown when they know that they drinking? Well, the person is aware that they are drinking or doing drugs, but not aware of their actions to a certain point.
Most people will say I drink to relax or feel less stress, it is a social thing, etc. But if were who you are without any masks or comfortable as yourself there is no need to drink to express yourself. The only judge in the room is you and people who project their own insecure discomfort out at you, or they are not really themselves. This is not about the causal drink statement. This is an inquiry of whether it is a soul lesson or generational pattern requiring inquiry to be changed and be broken.
Most people don’t realize that it is a shadow that they are hiding from themselves. Bad or good – it suppressed because in unconscious they would not act that way, if sober. It is an unintegrated aspect of themselves or an underlying problem.
Whether this is drugs or alcohol, they both can be appliable here. A study into alcohol, tobacco, or any habitual drugs has their roots as far back in time as humans on the planet, but these habit-forming substances were once seen as medicine and not as a pleasure activity.
What I have observed in both myself and my childhood is that the other personality that comes out under these substances is a Suppressed part of ourselves. These fragments were denied somewhere in our childhood of expression of themselves. Whether we denied them or were seemed as denied by our caretakers. Since their no standard of a family unit, if society tells you that there is or culturally, I believe is inaccurate. What is and seemed to be the truth is historically a picture that has been like a painting on canvas. The idyllic representation of some picturesque ideal or ideology of what is standard or “normal”. One walk across any town and that is not true.
All over the world, there have been wars and battles, indifferences between people going back before the time of Jesus to Mesopotamia and Sumerian times. Along with any other history that was/is not taught about. So why the suppression of speaking our truth about feelings and emotions. Well, if we use History as a guide for centuries either expression of thoughts or opinions were hindered by the rulers, church, or power to rule over other people. Since ancient tablets and papyrus paper show only remnants of those times, we are left to interpret them.
Is it possible that there was the entire existence of both sexes that have been the suppression of thoughts and beliefs for fear of death or violence because historical seemed to be a reflection of our current affairs of the world! I am not a historian and claim no rights to any depth research in that area, but it does seem that the only people in the past who were allowed to speak or have a voice, were people in power, church, or some type of attainment of power.
So here we are today, all the strides to make equally and we are still divided in some form. One has to wonder how many prophets, deities, entities we need to get the message. I am not into one world ruler or structure of hierarchy that why the Declaration of Independence was created but seemed to be forgotten by the government and legal system to apply notably in history today, too.
So, if I have lost you yet, how does this all apply? If the human soul has been suppressed for centuries by the hands of anyone – as in government, rulers, churches, people of means, or nobility. How does that apply to my title? Well, as a person who wanted to understand what had happened to me in my childhood and heal these emotions of the experiences that I have encountered by the people involved in my life. I had to question the root cause of these patterns of behavior.
I have inquired whether feeling and emotions are two different aspects, to whether one is a response to and the other is a cause too. As the child who was sensitive to my father’s and mother’s emotions, with regards to feeling them, is it possible, that the emotions that they were expressing as feelings or from trauma-related events from their past and history are direct resolve of some patterning beyond ancestry or linked to some recessive gene!
The study of epigenetics studies the Genes of behavior and environment that can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. While the Mental health field is treating people from the perspective that it is in the mind and not the whole body, and not from the fact that all is related to physical, emotional, societal, and environmental, whether it is the physical earth, water, food, or nature have no direct impact on a being, a soul, spirit, and technology, have no direct effect on a person.
This directionality of the Dynamic theory (Guides just give me) is both Scientific and psychology while attempting to explain this concept of all these factors on the genes of the DNA of my experience with my parents. Not having parents able to access their own emotions and feelings from transfers of all the factors around them in their parents, grandparents to the entire lineage of ancestry. Birth family backward or native American of seven generations forward.
I would or could continue the patterning forward had I not been forced to address the key events that were making up my life, as in relationships, beliefs, behaviors, actions, my own thoughts, and conditioning. To then repeat them in my own life and children to future generations without coming to some level of awareness had I had not stopped to question what and why this continuing to happen in my life, along with my own choices.
Which meant that there were underline thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that I was subconsciously repeating. Even with knowing my childhood history I was still repeating habits without realizing that were unhealed aspects of myself and showing up just in different forms or people, and events.
For lack of better words, I was dating my father and acting like my mother because this was my childhood and because of a lack of my own personal boundaries in childhood as in emotional neglect, physical and verbal abuse, constant belittlement or undermine physical threats of violence to punishment and way too many more to descriptive words, to explain a concept. So, I needed to clean house and face traumas that I walked away from to relearn and really think about what I wanted in my life, versus being a pattern of it.
All this transpire when my psychic abilities came back online and I had to look, dig for answers in my memory and do the inner child work to clear the things that happen to me and see the truth even if it was only my view of what happened to me. This brought back memories that I had seen and known things as a child and doing this type of work you soon encounter things unimaginable, and then it soon acts as a mirror back to me and triggers emotions that were unhealed or unknown.
I have repeatedly encountered the same scenario while working with people that I finally had to face the very raw and pain that I had experienced and similar situations with different players. Spirituality speaking you will encounter the same situation until you heal it or are no longer triggered by it. This is looking for the patterns of behaviors and is an undertaking in itself.
I would have to say that I have had to disseminate years of information, all the while my psychic gifts kicked on higher gear, a life in pieces, an infant and then a child in school, and my life that I build dissolving around me. All the while thinking I left the past behind me and what happen to me and in it. The saying is it is not the skeleton in the closet, it is the ghost that haunts, or maybe it is the other way around, either way, they both need to be looked at.
The universe had other plans for me. I would like to say that I had support around me, but that is far from the truth. I had people come in and out, disappear altogether, reface trauma again while witnessing it play out with family that I was involved with. To finally walk away from everyone that I had contact with, to then separate and figure out what was real and not real.
I had to look at my relationships with my parents, and extended family, to see how the underlining themes were playing out in my own lives to heal myself and understand what happens to me without losing my sanity and standing strong for my children and myself. All the while of not wanting to spend 30 years in therapy to be given drugs for Alcoholic dependency when I had one drink in 10 years or be constantly referred to medication instead of teaching me how to work with these emotions and feelings without the need for drugs.
As I am realizing while I am writing this that I am pulling in a large amount of information from my psyche, including the guides. This may seem choppy or disjointed and I am trying my best to have it sound coherent, make some sense, I think that I am not always making sense. Even when I know that the energy around the words is what is important as the guides tell me and speak is not the same language that we use and more about the energy behind and beyond the words.
Ok, so as I am currently aware that there is no perfect relationship that is equal in both sexes on the planet at this moment. One:
being the female has been suppressed up until this day and the male of course has equally been suppressed emotionally (it’s not manly) as in history and society. Neither has balanced power over their emotions as seen in the Yin and Yang.
I have observed innately two powers playing out in most relationships whether globally or personally – Victim, martyr, or control and abuser. Communication and seeing that both males and females are needed, these unhealed aspects seem to be the cause of many of these problems. Power and dominance are a view of the same pattern. Responsibility and Blaming the same pattern. As a soul, we are both aspects of Yin and Yang in the same body which requires balance.
If you have two souls who are out of balance in a relationship in their emotions and feelings (jokingly: you have divorce) or disharmony, dis’ease in the relationship or in the body as illness, etc. When the entire planet is out of alignment 7.8 Billion people individually and or the relationship with each other, there are rebalancing forces at play. The guides have repeatedly said that there is a release and reason for what happening and that it serves a purpose. (me)Can they say more, (guides) yes! That could hinder the awakening process that is now happening for many to question, what is really happening and going on!
One of the terms that the guides say is that you’re the creator and nothing happens to you and but through you. One: were you taught that as a person/being that you are taught that everything is outside of you and the answers, as well. When the truth is you are your own keys to the questions that you would ask. As a child, you had to depend on your parents for all your needs, and as a child, teenagers most could not wait to get out from under their parent’s grips, but because your education systems do not allow the expansion of your consciousness to the fact that this is not your first ride on planet earth, much less in the body, in fact.
Any study of past lives and reincarnation, hypnosis are avenues that have confirmed others' lives whether on this planet or elsewhere. This is not your first walk in the park as We would say, (guides). There are even marking on your bodies in birthmarks that are a remembrance of a previous life and trauma that are interrelated to the working and rebalancing karma with others and learning that this is a play unknown to your being with or without acknowledgment.
Even your bible speaks of the appearance of the beloved Jesus after his death, which is one of the many light bodies that surround you as in energetic fields, but as to why it is perpetuated that death is the ending in life is a distortion, of the truth. But what is not distortion is that your infinite being of the source of all there is, and death is a transition from one life to another for the sole purpose of a soul experience of being a human in bodysuit which is a unique instrument in itself that Science has yet to fully realize and treats it as more of a haphazard piece of machinery. When it is intelligence. In its own right.
You by all discourse, are more than the sum of your parts. What does that mean? There is a balance that is needed much like Yin and Yang, you would not run your cars without any gas. Yet your body requires balance in everything that you do. One: is that of the mind and focus intent. Since this knowledge is lost to the mainstream society, which has directed you to an outward reflection and not an inward, much like India's traditions and or native American, or many of ancient civilization’s that has been lost or exist as in Mayan people, Peruvian, Tibetan, aboriginal on various continents to use as a reference or starting point.
Since people have become been heavily relied on the technology of outer vs. inner when the entire universe is sitting within yourself and the ability to tap in at a moment notice to download information should she/he chose, is with your capacity. (guides) Even as you type on this computer your own ability will always far succeed the tools that you use at any giving time.
The universe is infinite and so are you. If one can see the advancement that the populations have made in just the last 200 years to what it is really capable of. These tools are an expression of your ability to create. They are not your soul potential but a mere fraction. Used correctly and the use is infinite or complete destruction, much like other ancient civilizations, and planetariun systems. We commend you, for taking the time to write and dictate this information.
We are far from finished but seeing that is tiring to the body we will commence again tomorrow.
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