08/04/25 A goal that I met

 Beyond all the weirdness in my life, when I started this blog years ago. I set a goal of one million words

So today I met that goal. Goals don't have to be so abstract that they are not, impossible. It may not be like walking on the moon, but it is my moon.

1,009,538 total words analyzed by Grammarly

7/31/25 Things I been asking the Guides about

The following is my experience. I am writing this because there is so much misinformation, and when teachers tell you not to listen to your thoughts, or that it is you, you tend to get lost. This is even more so for a child and then as an adult to clear blocks or stuff that you have hidden from yourself to feel safe in a world that is so divided, and has been for a long time. As I am trying to figure out why people can't remember their gifts, as they are a part of you, and as natural as breathing and how I am suppose to help myself and then other people. With the following things that have happened over the last few days, that I hope to make sense by writing them down, about what seems like choppy writing.

So this morning, I flew into my body at hyper speed, while I watched all around me things pass by me, call it a tunnel, or I am not even sure, at this point. Beyond the fact that I could not see everything that was coming by me, I saw for a brief moment a child on a grassy mount, and a hand floating by in a plastic zip bag. I questioned whether this is something or a metaphor. Upon waking, I'm beside myself, and I am like Why am I seeing this. This has nothing to do with me. Along with the speed of coming back into the body.

This is not the first or last of these things that I see of things in my sleep, which of course rattles my reality to the core. This has always happen to me, I see things and my mind can't understand why it has happened. Now, just imagine your child and this happening to you often enough, you're questioning it. If you’re like me, you did not have a person or people who believed you, and often dismissed you or told you were crazy or wrong, it is your imagination or even vulgar to make you feel stupid.

I have spend countless hours reading and listen to other people stories and have yet to find someone who experiences the same things or just validates my experience. This is one of the reasons I started this blog to validate for myself that I am not crazy or dissociative by the medical system we currently have available, when in reality, there are other avenues, indigenous cultures that teach otherwise. I was asked by the guides why I don't have relationships in the way other people do. Which I stated I don't know, and why are you asking me, if you (the guides) know the answers? I realized by this event this morning, why I don't have more close relationships, and the answer is because no matter who I tell things to, they are not listening.

I even remember an event that happened, as a child, that I could not validate because I was too small to even cross the street, much less a major road. When you could not get validation even for yourself, regardless of other people's thoughts. With the same image would replay itself. You question things and reality. You learn very quickly not to say anything and even about things that personally happened to you, because no one is actually listening to you, or validating, much less comforting you from these experiences. I heard from the guides that people can't teach you what they don't know or understand. I stated what about you, referring to the guides. When I would call out for help, because of these two world that I seem to more or less walk between. Chirp, chirp from guides.

I have had three different things come up over the last few days that I said to people in the last six months. Then it happens, of course, I can not say something like Hey, did I not say that to you about yad, yada!  I had events play seven years after the fact. I don't know why it happens that way. This is why I stop engaging with people, because you get tired of fighting with people that can not see or hear, or anyone of the other Clairs' abilities that are not gifts but innate to everyone and every species on the planet.

My only thoughts are that because we are conditioned by society and linear space and time, and that we are taught it is moves on a straight line, when none of that is true. Another reason is that we are taught that we are not more than this body and spirit. That only chosen people, or the church, know that truth, and the rest of us are asleep to the fact. I understand that it is taught that way for a multitude of reasons. One, we can't understand it or the physics of it, because we agreed to forget, along with if we understand that everything is happening all at the same time, we would become fragmented and not focus on the present moment of the now. Which seems absurd since we are always doing multiple things at one time.

So in addition to my vision this morning, I have been filing complaints with the complex that I live in for several months, and last year, for a whole other crazy reason, I don't completely understand why I keep encountering years of trauma or observing, or witnessing these real-life situations. So my situation that I am encountering involves a child and their Mother, who is abusive, neglectful, and screaming and yelling, and she does not listen to the child. All of which I am very familiar with, since that is part of my story with two parents. Now, most recently, other than the constant and daily insanity of this, this mother was putting this child in the shower, and the child was screaming It's too hot. This went on for an hour of banging, yelling, and I finally had to leave my apartment, at which this is happening in an entire different apartment altogether.

Now, I am not the only one encountering these daily outbursts of the parent or child. I was told by the manager of my complex that maybe I need to see someone , after saying I can't take any more. I want to leave the planet, the insanity of it, and of this complex. At which point, I am explaining my frustration of the situation and venting.  When I indicated that the other apartment is wrong or their actions or behavior, but that I should see someone, where I explained that I should not have to see a therapist for my neighbor's behaviors and actions, to how does that even help when I am living next to this situation, which of course is not within my authority, other then move. As I am trying to clear my own stuff and what is mine and was taught, to what I kept hidden even from myself, to be able to function. To my trigger of abuse, neglect, and to be safe and be heard and seen, to actually be listened to.

This is now headed to six months of daily complaints. I also questioned why, to the guides, why am I enduring this? Why am I in this situation again? Why do I keep encountering these people who have no desire to actually change their lives? I also stated this, because a prior incident that involved calling the police, whereas the police stated that it was a apartment complex problem and they really could not do anything unless there a physical harm or altercation, and observed problem, which of course, by the time they show up has stopped, or quieted down, until the next time, which normally in the same hour or repeatedly in the same day. While another tenant was assaulted with a weapon and charged with aggravated assault for protecting herself against the other person involved, who initiated the attack. This is, of course, is are backward legal system. Something I have my own encounters with.

In my own history, which was prompted by the child yelling, a memory of my brother, who was burned at age two in an incident that should have never happened. I remember the scream that came from him as a child. This involved boiling water that he climbed up to the stove in another room. I was not in the room or nearby. Now, I am sure if I may have just realized, that I was blamed or carry the blame, for not being aware of not watching him or knowing where he was, because in reality I was only 11 at the time. It was always placed on me that I was supposed to watch over my sibling, even when there was an adult in the home or not. So the above shower incident with the neighbor reminded me of that incident that I never spoke about, or was dealt with, because nothing was ever addressed or spoken about; it was always a closed matter without ever doing anything about anything, or the assurance of safety. (choppy, I am trying to connect dots)

Years ago, there was another incident that involved a sibling, and my mother said why did you not say anything. I point blank, said you would not have believed me, and I left it at that and walked away from her. Eventually, later for 10 years, until two days before she passed. This is what I learned: that no one listens to me. Now, I am older and really don't care if you listen to me or not. I don't do this for anyone, except myself, because of years of family trauma and abuse, and more after I was awakened after the birth of my son, and all the people who did nothing or left me alone, to figure it out on my own. I think my life has always been traumatic and spiritual from the beginning.

All I have are these written documents that explain my life, even if it is just to explain it to myself. People forget that things of paranormal or of spiritual conversation have only been with us, the last 20 years or so, and with the creation of the internet for a larger scale. Yes, it has always been here, far less known without the internet. Unless you know that you need the information or are seeking the information, it is out of most people's awareness. This is why functioning in the 3d world versus 5D, multiple realities, galactic and interdimensional is very difficult, because there is still limited information to most, to the masses, and then there is, whose truth is truth, what truth is correct, all or none of it.

When you read enough books, which of course are other people experiences and I of course challenge them with the guides, as if we are sovereign being, master and the creator's, and the teachers that are available of which is not always affordable or available to most (arguably this could be a belief in lack, soul contract/blueprint/karma) etc., whatever.  

Many teachers will tell you it is a belief of yours, or you are the creator, without explaining that you may have a soul contract that is not about obtaining abundance in the way that we are taught about, by so-called teacher's out there. When everything that you are is abundance, as well as health, food that you choose to eat, the relationships that you have, and whether your beliefs about yourself are true, or open to change. This reminds me of a statement that I heard, You get the Love that you think you deserve. Which is a fallable statement, for one, most people have no idea what a soul contract is or the blueprint of what your soul chose to learn in this lifetime. That would help you understand the various experiences. Even the bible speaks of polarity experiences, and many Master teachers chose to seek out these questions, answers, and understand this. Some by studying, physical experience by leaving a life behind, and again to seeking the deeper meaning of life.

I also challenge and ask the guides, if you're still spending time following someone after 20-30 years of your time and your money, which is energy and abundance at the same time, what are you learning? How I  understand that it is not possible to be enlighten to master level in one lifetime, because normally (assuming) that like a soul being, this is life- times of coming back again and again because it is not possible to explore all of various realities at one time, when we can't explain simultaneously and parallel realities (mandela effect), which is that we are much less moving daily between or moment to moment, between realities depending on the choices we make. Do I absolutely understand it, nope. The guides will show me things, and I am like my real life is as unstable as the weather.  Then it down-poured as I wrote this, and I forgot that my windows were open and my car now has water in it. This would be a questions that I would say to the guides, What is that about? And wait for the answer to show up, and why not say something to me? You hear me because I hear you.

This is why I am writing this now, is that when you listen to any teacher and they are not explaining to you or given clear guidance to do your own shadow work or meditation and coming up the same problems, which I keep having the same problem for a very long time and same patterning over and over and your directed to a ritual, or elaborate meditation, to ask the guides for answers, that does not come, and feel your on the wrong planet or wrong bus to nowhere land. As in myself and my experiences, going back over twenty-some years, and maybe it was planet alignment crap within my birth chart, which may or may not hold true.

At some point, you realize that other people may not have the answer and just live with what is, or fall into a trap that it is always you, per se, because again that teachers will say it is something with you, a projection, a belief, and resonance of your vibration that attracts people around you. I don’t believe that your always mirroring something about yourself in that way, to just reflect back to a you a polarity of you, because that would be its own mind trap of something is always wrong about yourself, we're always moving between polarities.

Most teachers are not dealing with people in the way that most of us are, or with people on the planet. So to constantly say and tell you that it's you versus the planet, or reality, or a much bigger game of hide and seek with yourself, is just as much about the polarity that we live in. And can we start teaching the right way? Is my statement.

What I write here is not channeled, or maybe it is; it is my experience and my life. I write about it, firstly, I don't want people to think that they are crazy or not feel listened to, as I have my entire life. (This is redundant from the earlier statement; maybe it shows that this is not as easy as cutting and editing a video.)  Even as I live in the most absurd things around me, this can not be all of my projection, and what hell am I really teaching other people and learning, because I can't explain the craziness to myself, in hopes that someone else can even begin to understand what I've seen or experienced.

When, of course, people, videos, books, and TV only show a very limited view of it. This is not even going galactic or dimensional, which is stated as something out there, separate from you, but you at the same time.  I hope this is makes sense after this morning and a lot of days recently, and I am like, can you ground me somewhere and clear enough of my field, so I am not flying off planet, like a spinning ball on a string, out to never, neverland.

Then again, a teacher would say go ground, meditate and I am like can you go pee for me because moving in my apartment next to mother who is playing the forgetting game of soul in human body is terrorizing her child - that could be a soul contract or large scale about the wars, wars against humanity, war with each of us, against each other, or simply yourself. As in your microcosm is a reflection of the macrocosm, and the wars out there are wars within you. Which I seem oddly part of me within me.

I do and try to make these writings 500 words or less, but again, if you can't find 5-10 mins to integrate something, which at this point has been about at least 8+ hours of my time. Then, well, the question becomes, if I (as in you reading this) have these abilities that would help your life, why don't I have access to them? And I am like, guides, I just don't know anymore what I am doing here, am I offering a different perspective, or perception?  I feel like a mediator between worlds, or what hell did I sign up for? The guides gave me word I could not say it, it like seminary, missionary, which is more biblical connotation. I am ok, what the pickle.  

As I am writing this, Grammar AI has changed the way that it does things,  and AI wants to actually change my expression of the material or writing to be more like AI versus myself. Yes, there will be errors and grammar issues and sentence structure,due to the amount of trauma-related issues that I had and ongoing spiritual things happening. There is nothing I can do to fix it and just as I work through it, nor would I know how to at this point, when I feel like two different people. This is what AI actually said: The text is deeply personal and honest, but it may be difficult for readers to follow and lacks clarity. ??? ME: It is like landing in Bumble Ruck and saying How did I get here.

Side note of thought, when you wonder why people are the way they are: As an example, why things are happening and when it is going to change, Change is individual and outward to the whole planet. I will use myself as an example; I would not have looked into anything spiritual, had someone not said something to me. As for the child next to me, one of many, that I have seen or observed, let's just say 20-30 years down the road, they show up as negative attributes, criminals, addicts, narcissists, psychos, homeless, control issues, etc. All without ever questioning for themselves because we don’t ask the questions of ourselves to get answers, to then grow up in whatever conditions that were in the our earlier years and into adult experience, we are relearning or reliving those same beliefs again, without questioning it for y/ourself, and if you are like me and have been receiving the answers by other people, for the entirely of your life, as to how the world works, and told well that is just how things work in this world.

As I recently encountered by someone, when they projected that it's the schools fault for her kids did not learning how to problem solve or resolve personal issues, removing herself from the responsibility of thinking, guiding her children, and that it is someone else's problem to fix.

*This is what I heard her say, beyond what is stated above: Which is, of course is placing blame on the system that we have agreed to come into and challenge it, by not taking responsibility for being part of the problem and change. Let's leave it to someone else to fix it. I can’t be personally responsible for my beliefs, behaviors, and actions with my children and educating them, it is a God issue, it a church issue, it is government issue, it is corporation greed and the laws maker who have the problems to solve it, or whatever nonsense we use to denied our self of our own sovereign rights, and I walked away saying to myself, saying Okay, good luck with that thought or thinking, because you just showed that you are not open to change or your thinking, muchless the possibility that things can be different.

This is where one is "reigning" your own free will over to outer conditioning, instead of owning your sovereignty, and not giving your power away to an outside force, which is the direct opposite of who we are. It is like me telling you who you are, versus you remembering for yourself who you are.

If you don't question your beliefs, "as what was taught to me", do I still believe it, do I believe this because I want to be loved, or approval, acceptance, to fit in, etc!

This is where the think tank question came into play, from a previous post. I asked if you could destroy a person with energy if you have enough focused energy on it. Now, most people have felt someone was around them, walked by, or watching them. Felt someone standing over you. (And not about tracked technology). I raised this question not for the polarity of it, but my aim was that you can, or if enough people focus on a different reality that you can create change.

** 

8/02/25 What the hell?

So I am watching a video where someone is talking about psychic gifts, and I am like, I can't watch this any longer. Because it has been one thing after another for over twenty years. Not that I had strange things happen before, but people speak about like it is this wonderful things and a blessing in hindsight. I am like, your fricking kidding me. As I am saying, what the hell guides, I've done books, events, and lectures with people who have passed on, and now all these other people, where is this going?

Most days, I don't want anything to do with it because it took over my world, destroyed my life, and my family. Put me in situations fending for myself and to feel safe and protect my children, who were either taken from me or I was forced to put out or chose to again become homeless again. To be able to continue living and have some safety around. All because I did not have people around that supported me or believe in me, much less protected me.

This opened all the things that happened as a child and into adulthood and what seems to be a living nightmare of people around me, even now. I was assaulted and attacked by my family, the person who introduced me to the fact that I was a walking psychic left and said things that only maybe a 3rd were true. I would be knocked out by the energy, or see things that I don't understand, even now it happens, and I stopped writing some of them down because I don't know what it is or how to explain it, yet even understand what I am seeing. This entire blog has been written around the destruction of my life, and I have given up a home, relationship, cars, jobs, a two-custody battle with the county court, the Supreme Court, and a lot of darkness.

This does not include prior crap of involving my near abduction, exposed to as a child by the same person who tried to take me and told me he kill my mother, me along with my family, sexualized by boys and men, taken advantage when I been drinking, or freezing in the moment with encounters that people thought I had some interest in them and I was what is happening and going along with it to get the hell of the situation for my well being. A Speed chase with someone, where I had to drive to the police station before they backed off, and someone chasing me as a young teenager in a campground that I used to go to. Friends assaulted me in primary school, and as a teenager, with a ball and nails in it. 5200.00 worth of damage to the car I owned. Another person stole my car and left it in a bad area , then told me six months later he didn't want to walk, so he stole my car. Car accidents, endless near accidents, even as of today. The list is endless. The things I saw or seen people do to kids, even now. I have seen animals that have more compassion than some humans. I was recently asked by the guides if I speak for the children, and I said You're kidding me, and are you trying to kill me because all of this is floating around my mind with nowhere to file, and you want to do what exactly?

People ask me to write a book about what planet hell, and people who have no idea what they are doing. Even now I have no idea what is going to happen to me, I have over 20 years applied for 1000 jobs, to again encounter psycho people and have to constantly fend them off or quit my job because the stress of dealing them creates health issues in my body and when I question this and Teacher's out there on youtube are your attracting this based on belief. I like your on something, because I understand I came into a dysfunctional family by agreement or not, but I cannot be projection for over 50 years of my life and be psychic as a child with guidance and still encounter these things. I not mention the Et’s or UAP's or any of the things that are normal to me at this point.

Even with what is hell is wrong with these people! For the longest time, I didn't put or ask for protection around me, and now I do multiple times a day or go only where I need to go, because just driving on the road is like taking your life in your hands, when people don't stop so you can turn on a road. I went to the store yesterday, and there was a woman visibly drunk and buying more alcohol, and no one stopped her or questioned whether she was sober or to then get in a car and drive on the highway. I am like I waiting until she gone because I can't stop her or the numerous accounts of this or people do drugs in plane sight and that health system that drugged my child, telling me he could function in the system and gave him a dose that meant for adult, and they wanted to drug me when I went to the therapist tried explaining my life, all to function in society and get a job.

Let's talk about the therapists for a moment, because I sat with a number of them, and not even discussing spiritual stuff with pretty much none of them. When did we normalize that ok to take one’s child or two, in my case, and that I spend years taking care of and providing for them to give them a life, and because a Judge with no training in family, or child psychology has the right to decide who the child live with while breaking the laws to justify not one life, but three and the therapist’s also have no real training to handle the complexity or even navigate it, because they have no children, never own a home, or only interning for their degree, and not legally qualified and of course is being paid by stipend, that no vested interest by the ethics of profession that tells them so. And at some point there is a management change, insurance change, and there off working somewhere else for more money, better bosses, better hours, etc.  Maybe I should tell you how a snake of an attorney tried to use a social media account in court against me, without due cause, taking a picture of it, when my account was public and not private. It is private, now. 

Then there is this blog, which I agreed to do, because I felt the true Channeling of the guides was helping people to understand, not realizing that I was not just a vessel for delivering it, but actual lessons, which have since stopped, and now I am getting psychic and intuitive stuff, and I am what is happening. All of which is supported by me, and yes, not always well written. I do my best with what I have on hand, and honestly, it's very frustrating to feel like I keep saying the same things. When I am questioning what about moving out of this complex of which feels like an institution, and why am I here! Where is the help and support or what is my next move is and because of all these things that happened and would anyone actually want to be around me, because I would want to live my own life looking from the outside of me.

Some days I think my soul is trying to kill me off, yet I am still here with all this nonsense and topping it of is that I can't do individual reading even by phone, because just been years of either family stuff, ex stuff, shelter's, courts, housing, job and cars, financials and currently what I thought was old creepy guy or who had real bad social skills to telling him to stay the f away from and your wanker of creepy men that you date. Oh, let's not forget the endless apartment of psychos who, for all intensive purposes, traumatize her child, age four, every day, and I like what the f is happening and why I am over, and over again have to dredge up every trauma again and again, because I find myself around these people.

To me, asking every day what is it that I am doing and what is the purpose of all this. What I am teaching or learning, in my very crowded mind, I am like, what is going on, and why is it happening? This is not even about the conditions in the world; this is just what surrounds me. I am like, what planet am I on, because I am walking around thinking, is this what the future is looks like your looking at ants running around and no real awareness of what they're doing.

I am like you want me to go public, I struggling with what is and just what is going to be in the next 4 months, when I again I have figure out where is the money coming from and why do I keep doing this work and either a real job unfolds or this spiritual side, and I question is everyone business to be broadcast for anyone knowledge or benefit of what exactly. As well as me writing this, and people who have known me, are reading this, like ok. I am questioned, can I be legally responsible for writing without name-dropping?

Today, I realize that I may or may not have access to the copies of everything that I have written since the beginning of the blog, because we don’t modify the programs. We change them altogether, leaving people like me on how to access them to edit them. Can I get off the circus wheel, because I don’t like heights anymore! Can I please go be in a pasture with cows, they seem less challenging, and the point of all this is?

I keeping hearing to post this. I have others written too. They will seem redundant after this one. 

8/01/25 Intuitive Hits from the end July

These have no date other than the date I got them. I have things happen in a day or seven years out.  

7/24/25

Heard - Gene editing? Changes to the DNA

7/25/25

As I woke up and guides were speaking or someone was speaking to me, a male said something about a boat, a girl's name, Lily, and how she apparently drowned. and that it was an accident that she drowned, either fell off the boat, which caused her drowning. (This is when Texas was hit with rain and floodwater, girls from the camp) I don't know if it's a connected or separate incident.

7/27/25

Hearing Mass hysteria, as an illness that does not really exist, will no infection agent for a contagion.

7/28/25

Hearing Something happenstance- refers to something that occurs by chance or accident, like a random act.

I saw, actually, I was trying to read a name, and at the same time I heard De La Hoya? The Boxer ? My Spanish is very limited. I will still get spirit trying to come through, and when they are in spirit, they can speak any language they want. There are no language barriers on the other side. Most of the time, they do not say anything else after I have told them they can speak English, or  maybe they don't believe people can hear them, which is odd in itself, because apparently, they are trying to say something.

7/22/25 intuitive information.

Rise and fall of the fake Gurus - When you are already a divine being,  master of your own life, and never question Am I the sum of what I have been told about myself. Since you have been told who you should be even before your mother gave birth to you. 

Spiritual Bypassing- This is where people only want good vibes, saying that the person is toxic. When one has never looked at their own darkness or shadow of, ie, Am I toxic, a bully, have I done something that has hurt or harmed another person, have I lied or taken something that was not mine to have, Do I judge others, and why do I do it? Doing Shadow work is not just about healing what happened to you; it is also about looking at your own stuff or the programs that have been programmed from your surroundings, without self-reflecting on your own beliefs about any given situation. 

7/15/25 

Something about being an indirect participant? Generally, this is observing something and not doing something about it. I suggest looking it up because this is a multi-leveled statement. Since I was not given a reference to what or who is an indirect participant, this is open-ended. 

...Energy goes where thoughts go. Energy is neutral. 

Something Double Dutch? 2x's I know what this is. So I looked up whether this is a slang, and etymology - the study of words - defines it as gibberish and incomprehensible language. So I don't know if this is double talk of nonsense. 

Cuban Missile Crisis- I have no idea as to what the reference is here because it was years before I was even born. I have been told by the guides that this will never be allowed to happen, because the earth is too important, part of the universe, and as well as humanity, to the greater whole. That our government may think they have that power to cause mass destruction, much like the ancient past with Atlantis and other civilizations on and off the planet. As they continue to shoot down UFOs and UAPs to steal technology. That these missiles will be disarmed, and other governments worldwide are aware of their presence. 

I got silo? My first thought is silo missiles, or silo as in for grain? 

7/16/25

Something whitewashed, as in whitewashing information. 

Did you know that UPS, the United postal Service, can and does, as worded, " share vs (sell) "your address. I found this out yesterday when I called a direct mailer and asked how they have my information, and I was informed that they get the information from UPS. So I looked it up to see if there is any legality to it. When it is legal for them to do so. So, the question is, how safe is your data when your own government sells (shares your data)? Which makes data more valuable than your privacy. With the rise of data breaches, your personal information is at risk. 

So I think I will tell a little story, I met a woman who was closed out of the SS as being deceased, it was not until she when to file and the passing of husband that she learned this, and with all the information that she had and standing in front a employee of Social security that she still had to prove who she was. I am not sure what she had to do to prove she was, in fact, herself. I know that was a long process to get it cleared up. Since we rely on our SS cards and birth records to prove our identity.  

7/17/25

I heard that she is the apple of my eye.  A message to someone. 

I keep singing Viva Las Vegas - someone likes Elvis or has a connection to Las Vegas? (update) 

I have said before and again now, Water, water, water. Be prepared, even to move. Know where important documents are, medicine,  phone numbers, etc, and where to find them, and many other crazy weather events. I heard don't think about going to the mountains - mudslides. 

This is a question: Can you destroy a person with words or the energy of thought? Since we are not taught to use our thoughts properly, the question becomes, is thought powerful enough to manipulate enough energy to affect a person or object? Ie: you say something about someone or do something to someone like that they are a piece of ......., to that person in the car, or that boss, that president, that situation? Does it have a ripple effect on a person, place, or object? We have all heard of Telekinesis and having the ability to move objects with your mind. We force children to obey with words of punishment, approval, fear, etc. In war, you're either on one side or praying for peace. You do something wrong at work, well, depending on your boss/es own emotional IQ, you will learn very quickly the outcome, or how power hungry they really are, or you have met that bully, narcissist/ism. This is a think tank question. 

I think science knows and can prove it. AI states no, but yet people who have experienced Ghosts or paranormal things will tell that things move and reality is not so clearly defined. 

|Even AI states that advances with computers and the human mind to control objects are being developed. As in Neuralink. Manifesting is based on this premise. When I asked AI about other companies with brain interface, there are several, as stated. I don't believe we are supposed to become cyborgs, and there are other alternatives, like stem cells or something else not yet known, that are still in the works. I just heard angioplasty! Why? Does someone need one? 

Something Circumstantial? I have asked the guides why just the words without an explanation. Still waiting for an answer. 

I maybe reaching out into the future but it you have one those cars that has that strange backup noise, which most people don't know about or unless your like me and overly sensitive to noise and question what is that high pitch noise and is that the future and are we going to be able to hear when thousands of cars are making that noise and has anyone test decibel level of it is impact. Because we always do things backwards here on the planet. My bad, I looked it up - it has already exceeded the long-term hearing loss threshold. You may want to look it up. 

7/19/25

The Perfect Storm? This is not the movie, but several events all happen at the same time. I asked about this because depending where you are on the planet there is always several events happening at the same time. Hearing geo-political as I write this.  

So I ask the guides about this because I see people stopping in the middle of the road, or parking lot, and driving through a parking lot without following traffic patterns, and quite a few close encounters, as I was just parked by people driving by. My question is, are people glitching, or some other weirdness that they have no idea why they are parked, stopped, or just the heat, and people are short-circuiting, because we are experiencing temperatures above 90 degrees for multiple days at a time, and it feels like we live in the backwoods of a swamp. 

Heard - inertia - resisting change. ??

Ketamine - ? issue? 

GOP? 

7/20/25

Heard A time, season, and place - bible reference, and refers to the concept that everything in life has a specific and appropriate moment, duration, and context for its occurrence. 

Heard and told to write: Black diamond. No idea. I can think of several things that are called Black Diamond. The guides were clear about Black Diamond. 

7/04/25 Part of My story: Domestic Violence, Sibling abuse and dismissive parents

 Domestic Violence, Sibling abuse, child abuse, neglect, and dismissive parents 

I wanted to post this a few days ago, but I had to call the police on my neighbor. I sat here trying to correct my grammar and sentence structure. I listened for hours as a mother went off on her four-year-old son. I have reported to my complex leasing office several times and have emailed records of the events, which don't always stand up in court situations. That's another story for a different day. I also keep hearing that I need to release this because someone needs to hear it. 

Now, my domestic violence didn't start with my ex-partner. It started long before I knew what it was. I was raised in a verbally abusive family, and my father would threaten abuse and punish me for even touching the stereo. I remember playing on the floor and my father coming home enraged and snapping off at my mother. Which she never addressed, not at least from what I saw. The threats of punishment and physical and verbal abuse were daily and most often a form of control over me or us. He would belittle us and make us feel small, unsafe, and literally live in fear of his rages. One time, he got so pissed off that I would not eat my dinner that he told me to leave the dinner table and decide that with my leaving, he threw a butter knife at me,  it struck and stuck in my foot. Living with my father was walking on eggshells every day, not knowing when he would fly off the handle at any of us. 

I never understood why my mother stayed with him, or whether she feared not providing for us, the marriage vow, or the position and teachings of the church, as the obedient wife death do us part crap. I think and cannot verify it, but believe that this same treatment was generational on both sides of the family. Later, when my father passed, I thought Now we are free, and it ends here. What people don't talk about is that this type of treatment is displayed as a normal behavior because you don't know any better, and for fear of speaking out and about it, outside the home is just as dangerous as living in that environment. 

So where I thought the reins of fear should have ended, it didn't. A sibling that I tried to protect as a child would take on the position of the abuser; this time, it was not verbal. It was a full-on rage at questioning something, and my stating my boundaries of borrowing something and then giving it to someone without consent became an incident of full-on altercations. In one incident, my sibling claimed he blacked out. In that he had no control and had no idea what had happened.  This has happened several times throughout my life. I have had no contact with him or his family, or my own family, at this point. 

My mother, who was either already traumatized or embedded with conditioning of this abuse, failed to step in when opinions arose, which I now believe is a form of gaslighting that is in the collective humanity of trauma, abuse, and punishment. Many of these tactics are still used to break a person or their spirit/soul. Anywhere from the military or performance at your job or school, to competing for achievements not for yourself, but to satisfy other people's needs. As in I only love you unless you're like this or do this, you act like this, or behave the way I want you too.  

Even with my father fully knowing that he had a family history of alcohol abuse in his family, he would continue the behavior in our home setting. Whether it came from being social after work or to fit in, family gatherings, this would turn into a nightly ritual, and even driving intoxicated with us in the car, putting us in danger. I have done a deep dive in my memories to remember events, or stories told about extended family on multiple levels, to grandparents, then great-grandparents. I have informed my children because of conditioning and behaviors that come with the ancestral line. That I would go on to have dysfunctional relationships with boys, men, and even women. I learned that men hurt, and boys follow their fathers, and women are powerless or choose not to do anything in hopes that it is just his way or temper. I am assuming here, because many of my family members have passed away, I can not ask them, in the physical sense. And the ones that are left are still deeply in denial of the fact that the behaviors were ok then and even now. 

When researching children of alcoholics and co-dependence parents, I was inquiring whether my grandmother on my father's side was an alcoholic too, because she would make this fruit bread boosie thing every Christmas, and for anyone who smelled it could get drunk from smelling it. I clearly heard in her voice that she was not an alcoholic. I tend to believe what I heard. This is before I realized that I could hear loved ones, or that I knew things before they happened. Guides, yes, since I was small, they even protected me at times, and other times I would often call out to them. Even with knowing that I came into a dysfunctional family as a child, it did not make things easier.  

I have had to work through a lot of trauma, and some, I am sure, I am not even aware of. This has caused a series of events in my life. That I never realized connected back to my childhood, we tend to think that when we are older or out of the house, it stops. Even with being conscious of the events and aware of not wanting to repeat them. I was unconsciously recreating them in my life and having to work through them. I have sought counselors, hypnosis, and many, many other modalities to release it. Whether it was just crying or journaling. Some of them worked, some did not and some were just as traumatic because their many people doing this work, without doing their own healing around there own trauma and many systems are broken and we constant reinforcement that it your perception of events verse we live in a fricken world that continues to enforce these behaviors, generation after generation until someone takes a stand. See one person healing effects one, and then two, and then three. 

I have continued to observe or be a witness to people living out their histories of abuse, trauma, and throwing themselves into relationships that do not serve them. Because in reality, no one can heal you except yourself. And if we look at our histories and what has transpired and still does in other parts of the world, women are still 2nd class and even if by your nationality, or sexual orientation. And I tend to piss people off because I no longer play the victim game. One the abuser does not care about what they do or have done, and if they say as much, that did not mean it, and they continue. Well, let's just say I have met people whose partners are in jail for abuse, or cutting a woman's throat, or choked to the point of death, burned and unrecognizable by the beating on their face that was taken from a man's fists. This is all in a 1st world country. I can tell by a walk, a look, or a trigger without intuition. 

One would think being intuitive early on that you would know, but as a child you live with your parents until you can chose for yourself and some people still live under the constant program of hearing their parents voice or the conditioning and some are still with partners, who are now their abuser, all because we not taught not to do self-reflecting, that everything is about giving ourselves love first, before others. You can't give love to anyone what don't have it for yourself, and it is not about achieving status or accumulating material things; that happiness, love, and joy are these things are out there, when it are within all of us and yourself. Even the Amazon truck tells you happiness comes in a box, not within you. When you can clearly see that your emotional needs are not in a box, but a human emotion of something not healed. Anyone or anything that tells you that it will bring happiness is marketing at you and not in you. That is how algorithms are created by the searches that you do. Your emotional states are funding big business, and your data is business, and a lot of cha-ching. 

Abuse is self-abuse because it is conditioned into us, even if it was in the womb. We deny our experience, hoping they will disappear in the backdrop and we won't have to relive them, but they are there until we heal them; it may be a lifelong journey to take our power back from the people who were involved. The takeaway is you free yourself and love yourself first, and the question is, is love for myself more important than allowing anyone to tell you or me otherwise! 

Some may say that it is narcissistic to say that I love myself. That is the conditioning talking, and do you think that a narcissist knows the meaning of love? A true narcissist has no compassion or empathy, and sympathy for the pain that they cause, because it is not part of their self-reflection or inner wisdom. They don't love because they live in a conditioning of behavior, too!!! Also, your experiences are not going to be like anyone else's journey, you have lived in a different environment and conditions, and even culturally and economically, religious beliefs, and a whole lot of indoctrination on what a human should be.   

I write about this because the county where I was born and raised, the local State representative (I don't currently live there because of my situation and my protection), put forth an Act to  " Strengthening Protections for Domestic Violence and Stalking Survivors". This Act is only the beginning and is only good for people already "convicted" of this incident. I have written about my niece who was killed by a person who had no documented incidents and when I found out about her passing, I cried and thought that could have been me, because my situation was informed by my childhood and then to add to it, by almost being abduction or kidnapping, by a predator and numerous bullies, men and boys. That has been taught to violate a woman physically, verbally, and sexually, whether it is taught, observed, witnessed, or socially. I only read part of the initiative and thought should I write the representative because they really don't have an understanding of the complex issues that it really entails, of being prey to these predatory people, and not just men. 

I just realized that whether the representative was affected by her death or a response to something else, like a political view for his own agenda, what is clear is that this was in the county that is his home, to himself and his family. And a call is too late for many with Protection from Abuse orders, when the state and county make you disclose many and all of your personal information to these people, if you have child/ren together. That is all other psychological shit storm. 

I  have also met women who carry these behaviors. I was first jumped in elementary school and then in middle school by people who I thought I was friends with, while other friends watched it happen. Seeing and watching it being done to another is just as bad. You lose trust in people, the system, and fear retribution, and counseling could not handle that amount of people traumatized by the very system that we now operate within. The systems that now function to medicate in the hope that you can be a productive person in society, and when the very society is crashing around us, and that this is repeated often through history. All for what the biggest bullied and one's unseen. No one has ever stopped to think what fear creates control, and control is the disempowerment of the human spirit. You don't need a dictator, just one bully. Where do bullies come from, people who bully them, or people who don't see themselves as love or even lovable. 

If I could say anything, it would be that the system that failed me and my children forced into a reality that I could not even conceive of. When I have to sit in front of interviewer, which I think I have become a professional interviewee at this point, and they want to know why I have the skills and not years of experience that they want or are looking for all because I am not tolerant of nonsense and will not be treated with disrespect and have not learned without triggers to put these people in their place when they want me to be like them. Because let's be honest, we want people just like us, and some of us are not that person. Whether it is years of trauma or just our nature, and from not having good conflict resolution, which is a skill, it is not something modeled in life.  

Outside of the fact that I have all these gifts, which is not the norm, and then function in a world that does not understand that we all have these abilities, and we come here to remember who we are, that we are not just a human in a body, but a divine being. It has its situations, and people want proof for themselves, yet never question who I am. Am I the story that I have been told, or am I something much, much more than I ever thought I could be? Or why am I here on this planet? 

I heard to add this because I questioned it with the guides. Carl Jung's perspective is that heightened sensitivity is an innate trait, not inherently pathological, and should not be automatically labeled as a psychological problem.  Me) What if we all have a sensitivity that has stopped listening to our inner wisdom, because what was reflected to us was the opposite of what we knew within us. That we felt things and stopped listening, because the people, parents around us, were not honest with us or themselves. So we stopped listening to our own inner wisdom. We all have met someone that we didn't like as a child or adult, but did we ever ask ourselves why we feel that way about that person? What are they mirroring that I don't see in myself?  

**

People want to know whether it's by me writing a book or how I do what I do. I have no idea other than I am built this way. I read through hundreds of books and did countless research. There is no one book. I trained with a few people, and I became lost because I didn't understand why they were doing what they were doing, and I have never really had to try. Do I always get the answers, No.  It depends, for me personally, I have a lot of unanswered questions as to why such drama and destruction of my life occurred, and what was the point of it. I have an entire spiritual side and a side that has seen some of the true darkness that people display. 

It is one of the reasons why I write the way I do. For me, it has not been a walk in the park on a breezy day, and out of all the books that I read, finished or unfinished, I may truly never understand until I am on the other side. I tried to follow others' lead, and it was not me. I was not raised in a family where expressing feelings was allowed, much of which is a generation patterning, I think, limited by memories of what I was told. Since I have been through so much, it's hard to focus on a single point in my history and journey so far.  I just keep going, even when I like what the wtf. 

 If I wrote from a trigger or charged emotion, I don't know if I could do this work. Yes, there are times I write something that annoys me or rant, because it projected that everything is a loving vibe, that is suggestive, and when someone cuts you off in traffic or neighbors bang on the floor or wall, it is not love that is coming out of me. I asked people to say if I have helped them, and because there is still so much taboo around spirituality, I have questioned this work more than once, and why I keep doing it. 

I have asked the guides questions based on the following book: Soul Integration by Sal Rachele. I have heard this same information and similar information channeled by others and questioned it. That if humanity is learning from polarity, good, bad, hot, or cold. At what point does humanity decide that we are not going to learn from these extremes? That we have been doing this lifetime after lifetime, from the fall of Atlantis and before.  Playing war against everyone, even ourselves as males, females, bi, by nation, color, sexuality, religious or social class, etc. You get the point. 

07/15/25 Intuitive information

6-27-25 Dreamtime saw the words Chopin and Jophin? 

heard Missionary - ? not sure about. I did see two young doing missionary in the weather, when reading 117 in car in June. This word missionary has popped up several times 

Image of Peanut MM's and heard recall

06/28/25 Russia 

6-29-25 I was shown a memory of distribution building that I work at a Temp employee for post office, two years prior to the Anthrax incident. History repeating itself or another event. 

I heard to write Rocket Man- The song by Elton John or something else? 

Heard Donald Trump ? 

Heard humanoid

Heard Bate and switch

Two times Mancini? 

6-30-25 Dreamtime a Red truck and looked or looks to have a digital writing in the middle of the windshield. The writing was in black, it in the center of the window. Not sure if work truck, pickup fire truck, mobile unit truck.  

Hearing Stand down? 

Hearing Born of blood? This is creepy has multiple meaning. suggest looking for self. 

Hearing shake down, take down and break down, your busted -This is a song, but when I have gotten it before it is about exposing hidden things. Hearing Welcome to OZ..? no reference. Then I heard the iconic song.  Off to see wizard.

07/01/25 Something about a Lock down

I keep hearing womp, womp womp - now because I didn't understanding the meaning behind the expression, I looked it up and it refers an expression of mocking and disappointment in a humorous way. 

07/02/25 Betrayed or betrayal - I heard this word. I am not sure of the context if this individual or collectedly. We have all experienced this in our lives at one point or another. ? So I am not sure if are trying teach that forgiveness is opposite of this and that even when it is the unthinkable that we need to express forgiveness. It is not about the deed itself or forgetting what happen but forgiving yourself and the other when everything is life lesson for soul. 

Heard - Hold on it about be a wild ride. 

Heard/channeled - Where did you learn that the world is unsafe? This is not about the outside world this inner reflection because if your the creator of your reality, outside of soul contracts, you are projecting reality as it is individually and collectedly. As example As in your live a war torn area, your born there and you have a choice to believe it is the only way to solve problems or you know within you that there is a different way of doing things. Even questioning is there a better way to solve this .... ? War, fighting, arguing, who blue, who red, who yellow and green? Your told to pick side, what if there is no sides? 

I was asked - if we give you dirt? What would you do with it? Now my first thought of reference to Clay in the bible as a metaphor? Or made dust? This has several meaning and I don't think it about the bible, context. Outside of bible what can be made from dirt? bricks, planting and seeding, the earth itself. This is suggestive of internal questioning, if are of the earth and creation. 

Heard you are all Masters

Heard - Caveat? means a warning, caution, or qualification that clarifies 

Heard - I thinking about the encounters that I had with Et or Aliens and I heard we don't need spaceships. 

Hearing - Calling planet Earth - I thought it was song? and there is a song which I believe this not the reference for these words. I did see there event in  UK - ? Not sure why this is important. 

Heard Crimes families - no idea what means. 

Heard - re-insurgent - I looked this up because most cross reference to the movie, it is not that. Define as someone or group against establishment or authority, typically the government. 

I heard - Strap In!!

Then I heard -in a humorous voice: Buckle up Buttercup - like John Wayne! This maybe an inside joke to a reader or the guides sense humor.  

07/03/25 Standing on Precipice - see blog repost 

Heard Fatality ? not sure - Well. could be because world is being shaken awake by all these events. 

Heard the name Nikolai? 

WHO- World Health Org. 

07/04/25 

Woke up to something about the Schumann Resonance- This is a electromagnetic Field that surrounds the earth, which also light grids around the earth. 

Name Jiboni- said as Gi boni? Not Giovanni 

07/05/25 

Woke up to Operations lights out? 

Several times heard La Guardia Airport

07/06/25 heard Plasmic Energy

Heard Holographic realties 

The song Eyes wide open? 

7/08/25 

Heard Ionosphere- So I am not science person, in fact I got myself kicked on 10 grade science because I was like I am not cutting on a frog when there was no need for it. I had to look it up- Earth's atmosphere contains ions and free electrons able to reflect radio waves from 50-600 miles above the earth's atmosphere where satellite's are, I believe. This also where the earth's magnetic field is above the ionosphere. 

Heard Hacker ? I am not going to even attempt to explain this. We all know what a hacker is and big  business it has become. I am not told why I get things that I do. 

I heard the Soloist - Movie or person? I have watched the movie a long time ago and not sure of the reference. 

7/09/25 Ok, this made me jump out bed pissed off, when I like what the hell. I see a man and woman in there sixties, asked to clean park bathrooms. Me) what, your kidding me. I heard research it and the Name Forever Clean. So mine you I went from being a sleep, waking up and seeing the people and hearing this .. I like I am not cleaning bathroom and why do I have these gifts to clean bathrooms. I had my bathroom cleaning days and where, what this is? I did research the name and their is business with this name and reports that it acquired another business, which apparently has some scamming to it. Again, not sure why I was given it or it something else entirely.

I  heard the song - Nothing compares to you.. 

Heard there is new energy on the planet.   

7/10/25

I have asked for clarity around the dying system, actually if I am living in a dying town and Collapse of current structure of the way we do things, and misunderstanding of the belief that is of the Wrath of God, when that is a misunderstanding and program of a punishing system and form of control to fear. Yes, I am not denying that there is things happening all over the planet. I have written few times that people should move away from water. I understand that this is not always possible, and it can involve soul agreements, whether you believe in them or not. Nothing ever dies, it changes form. This is also noting that we knowingly know that we are told to change the way do things, yet companies are using, and doing things that are in complete opposition of that same change. All the while people forget that planet is a conscious being, too. 

Hearing the Song- Fever by Peggy Lee? I am not sure how I know this song, since written before my birth. 

Heard Razor's edge, River edge - Razor's edge is a book and older movie, River edge after looking it up is the trees at the edge of the river and 75 ft inwards ? Razor's Edge I got 2x's. What importance of it is know idea, I am just messenger. 

7/11/25 

I heard Occam's Razor - I had to look this and I still don't understand it. 

7/12/25 

Heard Piano Man-? Billy Joel, the Song, above I got the soloist? No idea - 

I heard 2x's Love is the only real emotion. 

7/13/25 

So I woke up and got lock harm, or safeguard and I said," I am going back to sleep", this was at before 5 Am. I forgot when I did wake up and I told the guides that if it is that important you give it to me again. 

I heard - Stellar Races. 

07/14/25 

Something put in motion?

Inertia and the momentum - of humanity awaking up.