So I am watching a video where someone is talking about psychic gifts, and I am like, I can't watch this any longer. Because it has been one thing after another for over twenty years. Not that I had strange things happen before, but people speak about like it is this wonderful things and a blessing in hindsight. I am like, your fricking kidding me. As I am saying, what the hell guides, I've done books, events, and lectures with people who have passed on, and now all these other people, where is this going?
Most days, I don't want anything to do with it because it took over my world, destroyed my life, and my family. Put me in situations fending for myself and to feel safe and protect my children, who were either taken from me or I was forced to put out or chose to again become homeless again. To be able to continue living and have some safety around. All because I did not have people around that supported me or believe in me, much less protected me.
This opened all the things that happened as a child and into adulthood and what seems to be a living nightmare of people around me, even now. I was assaulted and attacked by my family, the person who introduced me to the fact that I was a walking psychic left and said things that only maybe a 3rd were true. I would be knocked out by the energy, or see things that I don't understand, even now it happens, and I stopped writing some of them down because I don't know what it is or how to explain it, yet even understand what I am seeing. This entire blog has been written around the destruction of my life, and I have given up a home, relationship, cars, jobs, a two-custody battle with the county court, the Supreme Court, and a lot of darkness.
This does not include prior crap of involving my near abduction, exposed to as a child by the same person who tried to take me and told me he kill my mother, me along with my family, sexualized by boys and men, taken advantage when I been drinking, or freezing in the moment with encounters that people thought I had some interest in them and I was what is happening and going along with it to get the hell of the situation for my well being. A Speed chase with someone, where I had to drive to the police station before they backed off, and someone chasing me as a young teenager in a campground that I used to go to. Friends assaulted me in primary school, and as a teenager, with a ball and nails in it. 5200.00 worth of damage to the car I owned. Another person stole my car and left it in a bad area , then told me six months later he didn't want to walk, so he stole my car. Car accidents, endless near accidents, even as of today. The list is endless. The things I saw or seen people do to kids, even now. I have seen animals that have more compassion than some humans. I was recently asked by the guides if I speak for the children, and I said You're kidding me, and are you trying to kill me because all of this is floating around my mind with nowhere to file, and you want to do what exactly?
People ask me to write a book about what planet hell, and people who have no idea what they are doing. Even now I have no idea what is going to happen to me, I have over 20 years applied for 1000 jobs, to again encounter psycho people and have to constantly fend them off or quit my job because the stress of dealing them creates health issues in my body and when I question this and Teacher's out there on youtube are your attracting this based on belief. I like your on something, because I understand I came into a dysfunctional family by agreement or not, but I cannot be projection for over 50 years of my life and be psychic as a child with guidance and still encounter these things. I not mention the Et’s or UAP's or any of the things that are normal to me at this point.
Even with what is hell is wrong with these people! For the longest time, I didn't put or ask for protection around me, and now I do multiple times a day or go only where I need to go, because just driving on the road is like taking your life in your hands, when people don't stop so you can turn on a road. I went to the store yesterday, and there was a woman visibly drunk and buying more alcohol, and no one stopped her or questioned whether she was sober or to then get in a car and drive on the highway. I am like I waiting until she gone because I can't stop her or the numerous accounts of this or people do drugs in plane sight and that health system that drugged my child, telling me he could function in the system and gave him a dose that meant for adult, and they wanted to drug me when I went to the therapist tried explaining my life, all to function in society and get a job.
Let's talk about the therapists for a moment, because I sat with a number of them, and not even discussing spiritual stuff with pretty much none of them. When did we normalize that ok to take one’s child or two, in my case, and that I spend years taking care of and providing for them to give them a life, and because a Judge with no training in family, or child psychology has the right to decide who the child live with while breaking the laws to justify not one life, but three and the therapist’s also have no real training to handle the complexity or even navigate it, because they have no children, never own a home, or only interning for their degree, and not legally qualified and of course is being paid by stipend, that no vested interest by the ethics of profession that tells them so. And at some point there is a management change, insurance change, and there off working somewhere else for more money, better bosses, better hours, etc. Maybe I should tell you how a snake of an attorney tried to use a social media account in court against me, without due cause, taking a picture of it, when my account was public and not private. It is private, now.
Then there is this blog, which I agreed to do, because I felt the true Channeling of the guides was helping people to understand, not realizing that I was not just a vessel for delivering it, but actual lessons, which have since stopped, and now I am getting psychic and intuitive stuff, and I am what is happening. All of which is supported by me, and yes, not always well written. I do my best with what I have on hand, and honestly, it's very frustrating to feel like I keep saying the same things. When I am questioning what about moving out of this complex of which feels like an institution, and why am I here! Where is the help and support or what is my next move is and because of all these things that happened and would anyone actually want to be around me, because I would want to live my own life looking from the outside of me.
Some days I think my soul is trying to kill me off, yet I am still here with all this nonsense and topping it of is that I can't do individual reading even by phone, because just been years of either family stuff, ex stuff, shelter's, courts, housing, job and cars, financials and currently what I thought was old creepy guy or who had real bad social skills to telling him to stay the f away from and your wanker of creepy men that you date. Oh, let's not forget the endless apartment of psychos who, for all intensive purposes, traumatize her child, age four, every day, and I like what the f is happening and why I am over, and over again have to dredge up every trauma again and again, because I find myself around these people.
To me, asking every day what is it that I am doing and what is the purpose of all this. What I am teaching or learning, in my very crowded mind, I am like, what is going on, and why is it happening? This is not even about the conditions in the world; this is just what surrounds me. I am like, what planet am I on, because I am walking around thinking, is this what the future is looks like your looking at ants running around and no real awareness of what they're doing.
I am like you want me to go public, I struggling with what is and just what is going to be in the next 4 months, when I again I have figure out where is the money coming from and why do I keep doing this work and either a real job unfolds or this spiritual side, and I question is everyone business to be broadcast for anyone knowledge or benefit of what exactly. As well as me writing this, and people who have known me, are reading this, like ok. I am questioned, can I be legally responsible for writing without name-dropping?
Today, I realize that I may or may not have access to the copies of everything that I have written since the beginning of the blog, because we don’t modify the programs. We change them altogether, leaving people like me on how to access them to edit them. Can I get off the circus wheel, because I don’t like heights anymore! Can I please go be in a pasture with cows, they seem less challenging, and the point of all this is?
I keeping hearing to post this. I have others written too. They will seem redundant after this one.
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