The following is my experience. I am writing this because there is so much misinformation, and when teachers tell you not to listen to your thoughts, or that it is you, you tend to get lost. This is even more so for a child and then as an adult to clear blocks or stuff that you have hidden from yourself to feel safe in a world that is so divided, and has been for a long time. As I am trying to figure out why people can't remember their gifts, as they are a part of you, and as natural as breathing and how I am suppose to help myself and then other people. With the following things that have happened over the last few days, that I hope to make sense by writing them down, about what seems like choppy writing.
So this morning, I flew into my body at hyper speed, while I watched all around me things pass by me, call it a tunnel, or I am not even sure, at this point. Beyond the fact that I could not see everything that was coming by me, I saw for a brief moment a child on a grassy mount, and a hand floating by in a plastic zip bag. I questioned whether this is something or a metaphor. Upon waking, I'm beside myself, and I am like Why am I seeing this. This has nothing to do with me. Along with the speed of coming back into the body.
This is not the first or last of these things that I see of things in my sleep, which of course rattles my reality to the core. This has always happen to me, I see things and my mind can't understand why it has happened. Now, just imagine your child and this happening to you often enough, you're questioning it. If you’re like me, you did not have a person or people who believed you, and often dismissed you or told you were crazy or wrong, it is your imagination or even vulgar to make you feel stupid.
I have spend countless hours reading and listen to other people stories and have yet to find someone who experiences the same things or just validates my experience. This is one of the reasons I started this blog to validate for myself that I am not crazy or dissociative by the medical system we currently have available, when in reality, there are other avenues, indigenous cultures that teach otherwise. I was asked by the guides why I don't have relationships in the way other people do. Which I stated I don't know, and why are you asking me, if you (the guides) know the answers? I realized by this event this morning, why I don't have more close relationships, and the answer is because no matter who I tell things to, they are not listening.
I even remember an event that happened, as a child, that I could not validate because I was too small to even cross the street, much less a major road. When you could not get validation even for yourself, regardless of other people's thoughts. With the same image would replay itself. You question things and reality. You learn very quickly not to say anything and even about things that personally happened to you, because no one is actually listening to you, or validating, much less comforting you from these experiences. I heard from the guides that people can't teach you what they don't know or understand. I stated what about you, referring to the guides. When I would call out for help, because of these two world that I seem to more or less walk between. Chirp, chirp from guides.
I have had three different things come up over the last few days that I said to people in the last six months. Then it happens, of course, I can not say something like Hey, did I not say that to you about yad, yada! I had events play seven years after the fact. I don't know why it happens that way. This is why I stop engaging with people, because you get tired of fighting with people that can not see or hear, or anyone of the other Clairs' abilities that are not gifts but innate to everyone and every species on the planet.
My only thoughts are that because we are conditioned by society and linear space and time, and that we are taught it is moves on a straight line, when none of that is true. Another reason is that we are taught that we are not more than this body and spirit. That only chosen people, or the church, know that truth, and the rest of us are asleep to the fact. I understand that it is taught that way for a multitude of reasons. One, we can't understand it or the physics of it, because we agreed to forget, along with if we understand that everything is happening all at the same time, we would become fragmented and not focus on the present moment of the now. Which seems absurd since we are always doing multiple things at one time.
So in addition to my vision this morning, I have been filing complaints with the complex that I live in for several months, and last year, for a whole other crazy reason, I don't completely understand why I keep encountering years of trauma or observing, or witnessing these real-life situations. So my situation that I am encountering involves a child and their Mother, who is abusive, neglectful, and screaming and yelling, and she does not listen to the child. All of which I am very familiar with, since that is part of my story with two parents. Now, most recently, other than the constant and daily insanity of this, this mother was putting this child in the shower, and the child was screaming It's too hot. This went on for an hour of banging, yelling, and I finally had to leave my apartment, at which this is happening in an entire different apartment altogether.
Now, I am not the only one encountering these daily outbursts of the parent or child. I was told by the manager of my complex that maybe I need to see someone , after saying I can't take any more. I want to leave the planet, the insanity of it, and of this complex. At which point, I am explaining my frustration of the situation and venting. When I indicated that the other apartment is wrong or their actions or behavior, but that I should see someone, where I explained that I should not have to see a therapist for my neighbor's behaviors and actions, to how does that even help when I am living next to this situation, which of course is not within my authority, other then move. As I am trying to clear my own stuff and what is mine and was taught, to what I kept hidden even from myself, to be able to function. To my trigger of abuse, neglect, and to be safe and be heard and seen, to actually be listened to.
This is now headed to six months of daily complaints. I also questioned why, to the guides, why am I enduring this? Why am I in this situation again? Why do I keep encountering these people who have no desire to actually change their lives? I also stated this, because a prior incident that involved calling the police, whereas the police stated that it was a apartment complex problem and they really could not do anything unless there a physical harm or altercation, and observed problem, which of course, by the time they show up has stopped, or quieted down, until the next time, which normally in the same hour or repeatedly in the same day. While another tenant was assaulted with a weapon and charged with aggravated assault for protecting herself against the other person involved, who initiated the attack. This is, of course, is are backward legal system. Something I have my own encounters with.
In my own history, which was prompted by the child yelling, a memory of my brother, who was burned at age two in an incident that should have never happened. I remember the scream that came from him as a child. This involved boiling water that he climbed up to the stove in another room. I was not in the room or nearby. Now, I am sure if I may have just realized, that I was blamed or carry the blame, for not being aware of not watching him or knowing where he was, because in reality I was only 11 at the time. It was always placed on me that I was supposed to watch over my sibling, even when there was an adult in the home or not. So the above shower incident with the neighbor reminded me of that incident that I never spoke about, or was dealt with, because nothing was ever addressed or spoken about; it was always a closed matter without ever doing anything about anything, or the assurance of safety. (choppy, I am trying to connect dots)
Years ago, there was another incident that involved a sibling, and my mother said why did you not say anything. I point blank, said you would not have believed me, and I left it at that and walked away from her. Eventually, later for 10 years, until two days before she passed. This is what I learned: that no one listens to me. Now, I am older and really don't care if you listen to me or not. I don't do this for anyone, except myself, because of years of family trauma and abuse, and more after I was awakened after the birth of my son, and all the people who did nothing or left me alone, to figure it out on my own. I think my life has always been traumatic and spiritual from the beginning.
All I have are these written documents that explain my life, even if it is just to explain it to myself. People forget that things of paranormal or of spiritual conversation have only been with us, the last 20 years or so, and with the creation of the internet for a larger scale. Yes, it has always been here, far less known without the internet. Unless you know that you need the information or are seeking the information, it is out of most people's awareness. This is why functioning in the 3d world versus 5D, multiple realities, galactic and interdimensional is very difficult, because there is still limited information to most, to the masses, and then there is, whose truth is truth, what truth is correct, all or none of it.
When you read enough books, which of course are other people experiences and I of course challenge them with the guides, as if we are sovereign being, master and the creator's, and the teachers that are available of which is not always affordable or available to most (arguably this could be a belief in lack, soul contract/blueprint/karma) etc., whatever.
Many teachers will tell you it is a belief of yours, or you are the creator, without explaining that you may have a soul contract that is not about obtaining abundance in the way that we are taught about, by so-called teacher's out there. When everything that you are is abundance, as well as health, food that you choose to eat, the relationships that you have, and whether your beliefs about yourself are true, or open to change. This reminds me of a statement that I heard, You get the Love that you think you deserve. Which is a fallable statement, for one, most people have no idea what a soul contract is or the blueprint of what your soul chose to learn in this lifetime. That would help you understand the various experiences. Even the bible speaks of polarity experiences, and many Master teachers chose to seek out these questions, answers, and understand this. Some by studying, physical experience by leaving a life behind, and again to seeking the deeper meaning of life.
I also challenge and ask the guides, if you're still spending time following someone after 20-30 years of your time and your money, which is energy and abundance at the same time, what are you learning? How I understand that it is not possible to be enlighten to master level in one lifetime, because normally (assuming) that like a soul being, this is life- times of coming back again and again because it is not possible to explore all of various realities at one time, when we can't explain simultaneously and parallel realities (mandela effect), which is that we are much less moving daily between or moment to moment, between realities depending on the choices we make. Do I absolutely understand it, nope. The guides will show me things, and I am like my real life is as unstable as the weather. Then it down-poured as I wrote this, and I forgot that my windows were open and my car now has water in it. This would be a questions that I would say to the guides, What is that about? And wait for the answer to show up, and why not say something to me? You hear me because I hear you.
This is why I am writing this now, is that when you listen to any teacher and they are not explaining to you or given clear guidance to do your own shadow work or meditation and coming up the same problems, which I keep having the same problem for a very long time and same patterning over and over and your directed to a ritual, or elaborate meditation, to ask the guides for answers, that does not come, and feel your on the wrong planet or wrong bus to nowhere land. As in myself and my experiences, going back over twenty-some years, and maybe it was planet alignment crap within my birth chart, which may or may not hold true.
At some point, you realize that other people may not have the answer and just live with what is, or fall into a trap that it is always you, per se, because again that teachers will say it is something with you, a projection, a belief, and resonance of your vibration that attracts people around you. I don’t believe that your always mirroring something about yourself in that way, to just reflect back to a you a polarity of you, because that would be its own mind trap of something is always wrong about yourself, we're always moving between polarities.
Most teachers are not dealing with people in the way that most of us are, or with people on the planet. So to constantly say and tell you that it's you versus the planet, or reality, or a much bigger game of hide and seek with yourself, is just as much about the polarity that we live in. And can we start teaching the right way? Is my statement.
What I write here is not channeled, or maybe it is; it is my experience and my life. I write about it, firstly, I don't want people to think that they are crazy or not feel listened to, as I have my entire life. (This is redundant from the earlier statement; maybe it shows that this is not as easy as cutting and editing a video.) Even as I live in the most absurd things around me, this can not be all of my projection, and what hell am I really teaching other people and learning, because I can't explain the craziness to myself, in hopes that someone else can even begin to understand what I've seen or experienced.
When, of course, people, videos, books, and TV only show a very limited view of it. This is not even going galactic or dimensional, which is stated as something out there, separate from you, but you at the same time. I hope this is makes sense after this morning and a lot of days recently, and I am like, can you ground me somewhere and clear enough of my field, so I am not flying off planet, like a spinning ball on a string, out to never, neverland.
Then again, a teacher would say go ground, meditate and I am like can you go pee for me because moving in my apartment next to mother who is playing the forgetting game of soul in human body is terrorizing her child - that could be a soul contract or large scale about the wars, wars against humanity, war with each of us, against each other, or simply yourself. As in your microcosm is a reflection of the macrocosm, and the wars out there are wars within you. Which I seem oddly part of me within me.
I do and try to make these writings 500 words or less, but again, if you can't find 5-10 mins to integrate something, which at this point has been about at least 8+ hours of my time. Then, well, the question becomes, if I (as in you reading this) have these abilities that would help your life, why don't I have access to them? And I am like, guides, I just don't know anymore what I am doing here, am I offering a different perspective, or perception? I feel like a mediator between worlds, or what hell did I sign up for? The guides gave me word I could not say it, it like seminary, missionary, which is more biblical connotation. I am ok, what the pickle.
As I am writing this, Grammar AI has changed the way that it does things, and AI wants to actually change my expression of the material or writing to be more like AI versus myself. Yes, there will be errors and grammar issues and sentence structure,due to the amount of trauma-related issues that I had and ongoing spiritual things happening. There is nothing I can do to fix it and just as I work through it, nor would I know how to at this point, when I feel like two different people. This is what AI actually said: The text is deeply personal and honest, but it may be difficult for readers to follow and lacks clarity. ??? ME: It is like landing in Bumble Ruck and saying How did I get here.
Side note of thought, when you wonder why people are the way they are: As an example, why things are happening and when it is going to change, Change is individual and outward to the whole planet. I will use myself as an example; I would not have looked into anything spiritual, had someone not said something to me. As for the child next to me, one of many, that I have seen or observed, let's just say 20-30 years down the road, they show up as negative attributes, criminals, addicts, narcissists, psychos, homeless, control issues, etc. All without ever questioning for themselves because we don’t ask the questions of ourselves to get answers, to then grow up in whatever conditions that were in the our earlier years and into adult experience, we are relearning or reliving those same beliefs again, without questioning it for y/ourself, and if you are like me and have been receiving the answers by other people, for the entirely of your life, as to how the world works, and told well that is just how things work in this world.
As I recently encountered by someone, when they projected that it's the schools fault for her kids did not learning how to problem solve or resolve personal issues, removing herself from the responsibility of thinking, guiding her children, and that it is someone else's problem to fix.
*This is what I heard her say, beyond what is stated above: Which is, of course is placing blame on the system that we have agreed to come into and challenge it, by not taking responsibility for being part of the problem and change. Let's leave it to someone else to fix it. I can’t be personally responsible for my beliefs, behaviors, and actions with my children and educating them, it is a God issue, it a church issue, it is government issue, it is corporation greed and the laws maker who have the problems to solve it, or whatever nonsense we use to denied our self of our own sovereign rights, and I walked away saying to myself, saying Okay, good luck with that thought or thinking, because you just showed that you are not open to change or your thinking, muchless the possibility that things can be different.
This is where one is "reigning" your own free will over to outer conditioning, instead of owning your sovereignty, and not giving your power away to an outside force, which is the direct opposite of who we are. It is like me telling you who you are, versus you remembering for yourself who you are.
If you don't question your beliefs, "as what was taught to me", do I still believe it, do I believe this because I want to be loved, or approval, acceptance, to fit in, etc!
This is where the think tank question came into play, from a previous post. I asked if you could destroy a person with energy if you have enough focused energy on it. Now, most people have felt someone was around them, walked by, or watching them. Felt someone standing over you. (And not about tracked technology). I raised this question not for the polarity of it, but my aim was that you can, or if enough people focus on a different reality that you can create change.
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