So this morning, I had an incident that enraged me, and because the guides are always trying to get me to speak and share my story. I think writing is a form of speaking, if not publicly speaking or in front of a group of people it is a form of expression and expressing one's thoughts. In a world that is quite frankly trying to silence us, instead, of actually listening to different points of view. So here goes, I try to explain as I go.
I woke up and as I was putting eye drops in my eyes for itchy eyes from an allergy. My neighbor's child went into full-on meltdown mode. He has autism and does not communicate the same as most. An Aware parent using their intuition and functioning from a balanced emotions would have known that this child what this child was experiencing. Since we are not taught to use intuition and our natural ability to sense things like energy(actually you are and don't realize it). This child flipped out and I felt it and preceded to react to meltdown mode or what is more discharge of energy of what smaller annoyances of being angry and release them. Along with not being taught about having clear boundaries. The following is my breakdown of looking at why I reacted to it. Other than being an empath and empathic. Can I be sure what I picking up - not really, but I am pretty dam close to what this child was experiencing and sensing what was happening.
If I lose you - I am sorry. I pull information from what I know and experience. At the time I was asking the guides how I am supposed to help women!
I wrote what I felt at the time: control, frustration, anger, rage, fricken losing it, oblivious neglectful parent.
Whether this is mine or both this child's: What he needed was to feel safe, comforted, pay attention, listen to (not always about speaking) overwhelmed, and trying to express his feeling and emotions.
So I had to look at where is my life this has happened to me. I.e. my parents primarily. Since our own beliefs precede us by generations before us and the power and influence that it has on us and stuff that was engrained by conditioning by family, friends, and society. If we dig deep into ourselves to how we are imprinted with these beliefs and systems of beliefs and culturally.
What is a child meltdown or adult meltdown- overwhelmed by something, or being empathic to energy. By questioning the overwhelmed by what exactly is triggering it? Anger, frustration, being controlled. Children are in generally walking sponges, and so are uneducated empaths or being empathic - which most of us our. (see article on types empaths in search bar) or maybe I will just repost it. Anywho! Children and adults of any perceived disabilities - Which I don't necessarily see as a shortcoming or a defect as doctors, the mental health industry, or any education system makes claims to. We are indoctrinated in that there is one shoe for all people. We look pretty funny walking about will one shoe. We need humor because the world is crazy, or a beautiful mess for change.
This flipping out banging and stomping on the floor - why does any child do that? Attention or Anger! Now I could be wrong but I am sure I am not. Like most of us, our parents were not emotionally balanced. They were not warm and fuzzy or much less loving. They were not those parents projected at us on TV or at friend's house, or grandmom or grandpop. Now the banging and stomping - I have trauma around banging or slamming things. I learned that by banging or slamming things that was how anger was dealt with and that banging met threats of physical harm or even death for control over me. Physical harm or punishment has been engrained into us from childhood, school, and society, even allowed it. For example, your bad sit in the corner, go to your room, at school move your desk to the corner, go to the principal office, detention or what was the paddle at school, go stand in the hallway or the end of the line, etc.. extremes Jail, threats, torture, war's, I think you get the point.
All these things provoke emotions - hide, it is not safe, I/we did something wrong, it is my fault, your the problem, I can't trust them or myself, control over, leave me alone, no one cares about me, no one listens to me, I need to take care me because no one else is going to do it. They don't care about me or my feelings, they don't love me. I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I don't listen, why bother no one cares, I am bad, or a bad person, etc...
If you dig into it -really dig into it - your mother carried you - saying this baby is making me sick or is a pain in the body or is going to be something of a child, this child is defiant, does not like sleeping, or by doctor's, your child is not normal and has Challenges Autism, ADHD, ODD, not keeping up with other children, siblings, etc... Grandparents, oh they are not like so, so, or this doing this or that... remember the one shoe... We repeat what we learned instead of challenging it. And the ones that challenged the status quo - were the problem child or children, or problem kids. I was labeled that child.
Here is a true story when I was in high school I had an Ah moment- when I realized that I pledging the allegiance - and realized that I was pledging to ONE nation under God. Talk about One world order and I questioned does God only see one nation. Mind you I was sent to the office many times for both detentions in school and out of school because I would not do the pledge of allegiance because it was not my belief that God did not see us as one nation over another. This is all the things taught to you and me.
Now to emotionally unaware parents, because people are not taught to think or question, and to follow the status quo - i.e.- memorized these spelling words, these math principles, read this book, and write a book report - not what you learned from it. What is science - where does the food come from, why are trees important, why you are taught that sky is blue - when it changes colors, etc... Why algebra is more important than learning about how money works... Because our parents, and grandparents experienced what - wars, the great depression, financial crisis, threats of bombing, integration and migration, race discrimination, women suppression, social class, wealth or poverty, farming to wall street, that people in corporations or industries of now tech company are more important than the food that we eat or water, or the size of house or where your house is. Far left, right, that street, that person, that neighbor, that race, color, sex, etc.. ( I still work through these things)
As children now adults we take on our parent's shit- Their temperament vs our own. If they lack skills with time management, control issues, their emotions and feelings, their financial knowledge, skills dealing with anything, cooking, money, learning things, adaptability, fears, happiness, joy or basic living condition, cleanliness, or hygiene to their habits and hobbies and whether they communicated and what the type feeling and emotional language was. (like types of Love language a book, too). To do we really know how to communicate for ourselves?
Here is an example now after my meltdown this morning and my frustration of wanting to move from where I live. I have had cup filled by the banging and then expecting my neighbor to be considerate when that is not even in their awareness and expected them to change when clearly it is my stuff and not them. I am responsible for myself and not them and why I expect them to change is a lack of knowledge on my part. Since I can only change myself first, hence why you put the air mask on first. (never flew but the analogy works) Now it is egoic? If I care for myself first, over another is only egoic, if it would be causing harm to another to benefit myself first. (that could be situational)
If you consider that you were told since you were a child or pre-birth that you are wrong or not enough or lacking in some way (that is egoic that we think we have power over another when that is control and not love) - which is far from the truth because God does not make mistakes, that is humans thinking, God/Goddess doesn't makes mistakes. That is taught in religion and by anyone or anything that states they know the truth. The fact is only questioning things to know and learning to tap back into your natural guidance system and seek truth or a better understanding of who you are is the only way.
You don't push or drag the horse to water, you guide, and actually, that may be wrong because animals have a keen sense to find water because they are not worried about material stuff and what other animals are doing, unless there is danger. Animals are still connected to the planet, unlike us living in concrete jungles. A parent should guide, because even thou we know that our children will become adults and adults have children and children grow to be adults. Ineffectively, we fail to be the change and challenge the status quo because of what: lack of education, lack of thinking, lack of understanding, and lack of ourselves. Hence teach a person to Fish, but does not state go fend for yourself mentality, as a service to self like the elite, in the world. Change can only happen when one person changes their self.
So what does this have to do with Rage which is anger, angry, or Fear? As a child/children, we did not have the skills to know what was our parent's stuff or were taught that it was us, or we accepted as it is our truth, of who we were when our parents were disconnected from themselves. So, we suppressed ourselves and our truth, and our own abilities to stay connected to our self and God, source and guides, by not trusting what was natural to us, because we are taught that if you disagreed, challenged, or crossed - an adult figure you would be punished, threaten, ignored, not listen to, not loved, or love, be respected or cast out into what?? left for the street, for death. As an adult, this is done with work that you do... fired, loss of money to support yourself and your family, lose your home, lose your relationships, loss of respect, loss of your dignity (WORTH). Worthily of Love, God's love which is within you, not some text telling you you are going to go to some damnation.
Oh, here is something else with the meltdown this morning, I left my apartment because I had to and I have heard some pretty horrific shits done to children, who are now adults and I just freak the f out, not because of people but my own experiences of this to them and myself. So I leave, go to the store, and get coffee and I am asked by someone who knows me, and out of politeness she asked me how am I. I just left what I was dealing with and out of restraint knowing that I was ready to blow and explode and I sucked it up and said I just need to move.
When I really wanted to do throw that other shoe... and maybe this is leftover shit from toxic relationships and my parents, who by the way are the catalyst for me doing this work and wanting to heal myself of the sickness pervading our planet and knowing this as a child and indoctrinated into this same system, until I realized I was part of the problem, when my world collided, and how like above I have sucked it up from other people projected toxicity and mistreatment, which I am not proud of, that I was a part of it, knowing what I know and forced to fit into or try to fit into, to seek forgiveness for the people who did what did and find forgiveness for myself and just release it, in a healthy way.
To learning, that I have to suck it up and put up it, with it as female, being told that girls don't act that way or I am too sensitive or I am overthinking it, or some other BS that I am somehow again wrong for feeling and having emotions about things. I have a motto if don't want my truth don't ask, and been fired from a job for this very reason, I even asked beforehand, are you sure you want me to sit in on this meeting because I am not going just sit there and say not something, because if it is just to make other people happy or comfortable, forget it. I will weigh my words carefully, but I am not denying something for you to have a leg up on an ego trip. That part of me went when people left me for homeless and took my child from me and forced me to choose to have a place to live over my other child. I had a funeral a few weeks back for her when spiritual stuff gets, way too much for me to handle.
So that is how I do shadow work. With fewer words than written here, but more or less this is what it looks like.
Books on the subject: Debbie Ford, Bryon Katie, there another woman who it is a more scientific view, but when I look into her it from the aspects that these different personalities of other people were still separate outside of you - when if God created all things than all people are you. Hence you are the creator, co-create, and a mirror reflection of yourself. See (mirror-mirror) on the blog in the search menu.
