I have pursued this knowledge of what spiritual and why did happen to me and for me. At this point, I don’t have the same passion to continue with it. I have learned everything that I have via books, videos, and other people. And trying to take everything that I know and put it in words for anyone to understand seems like a daunting task. With so many others now doing it, it seems like what is the point? I wonder if am I just talking about it to actually teaching about it. When most of my inquiries are beyond the basic tarot and even mediumship. To then explains that it involves constant study or training.
When I investigate whether people are training people about spiritual concepts, in my writing there is limited information being shared on how this even works or what it involves. The Tv industry only shows a very limited perspective of doing a reading for someone. When there are layers and layers of stuff that surround people. From their earliest childhood memory, to suppress memory and levels of trauma that they have experienced. There seems to be this glorification when working with people that somehow you show up and do a reading and all is well.
My experienced has not been that. Quite frankly, I experienced the Karma after waking up to these abilities and seems to be a pattern of my learning backward to what others experienced. Not that I am comparing myself to others. I looked for similar experiences. One, so I was not crazy and two because I did not have qualified people who could direct me, and as single parent funds were tight. The library has limited books and when I started out the internet was also very limited information. Now it is everywhere.
It has been 20 years, since I started looking into spirituality, and to then only realized that I am walking empathic, and intuitive from my childhood. And dots started to connect. Weekend workshops were limited information that they provided or the way I perceived information was not the same as they did and well then enter into what is the right way. There is right or wrong and everyone perceives information differently.
Well, you want to see egos clash and be disrespected because you’re not doing it right when you’re looking for understanding and want to truly learn what is happening to you. I turn back to the books because I did need other people's stuff coming at me for their own inadequacy – as in it is my way or highway. I grew up with the mentality, that it serves no one.
I even wrote to skip the tarot cards and mediumship and about read about the ascended master, along with doing your shadow work by questioning the fear and resistance to change your thoughts and belief. And even working with Angels, all information needs to be tried and tested, so you are not dealing with a lower-level being. They exist and much more. You want to talk about resistance, my own family, and my children, tell me I don’t know what I am talking about. Even with validation and my research and the fact that I came in remembering bits and pieces and have always talked to God, guides, or beings, even when I could not see them.
The guides tell me to network, and I am like why! I have done that, and so I write because writing has the same effects as talking about it, unless they want me to talk for hours at a time and at which point, I am transmitting that same information but at a pace that you can think about or consider. I will never give you an answer to something that I know nothing about because firstly, I can’t possibly know everything and if did there would be no point in me staying on the planet.
I give answers from my life experiences, my thoughts, and questions that I have asked the guides, and it is always about discernment and what is right for you. And I am not an expert in one area, if anything I probably better to directing you to the right way for information. What you do after that point is completely up to you, for it is your own journey. I would like to tell you that it is glamorous like Hollywood makes it out to be, but it is not.
If you were to take every event good or bad in your life and have to filter it into why this happened, or did I create this, is this a life lesson, is this good karma or bad karma, is this my family lineage and am I here to clear this patterning and true divine union with a partner to you have never separated from God to you are a god that has had DNA altered and changed going back to millions of years and UFO or AFO have always existed and we live on an enslaved planet, to why God would allow things and you here to change it, by changing yourself to a heart-centered being, with the capacity become and create anything, sounds far out and were all in a strange matrix living a life for soul growth.
To my own challenges of not wanting to be in the public eye, a 40-year-old addiction to tobacco (don't judge because judging yourself) that I don’t want to fight through, that is in the ancestry line because I have been fighting for my life to be here on the planet since I can remember. To not want to learn technology, because I see a being a divine human being taken away, to have deeper meaningful conversations that were here to experience, and technology is a tool and oh, to let it think for us. To the ramifications of technology abuse. To be lulled into a deep sleep of the masses.
So, what does this have to do with spiritual death vs a physical one? I don’t have the same compassion or drive that I did when I started this and even with the experience I have my whole life before someone actually said something to me when they realized who I was. I have no idea who I was at that point and maybe even more so now. All the work that I have done has just left me wondering where this going and to why should I why continue. Or maybe it's spiritual death to release what I know to follow a different path. What that path is, is a very good question and one that I am not able to answer at this moment.
My understanding is that in life, you just go through school from one grade to the next to create your life, college or marriage, children, and home. Then there are deaths and rebirth as a physical being living a spiritual life. I no longer see a difference It is all spiritual, in that I believe that we leave ourselves breadcrumbs to remember our birthright as a spiritual being, it is up to us to choose it or not. Either way once on the other side you will have full memory of it, from the whys and actions taken and not taken effects of the different events in your life. I for one would not like to have to do it again in the same fashion that I experienced this time around.
I want to leave knowing that I gain some knowledge and wisdom to the understanding of who I am to make better choices and decisions for this life or the next. Because by far you will do it again and learn new lessons or old ones depending on your actions in this life. As for Hell that all so religious inundation to us, with, and by indoctrinating the perpetual sin and evil, hell. That it is a construct (construct of an idea- you were told there was hell and create an image based on what ? ) of self-deprecating when it is all love and that you are the love God created and something that can never be taken away from you.
And if anyone ever tells you or you even you tell yourself, you are less than love, I would question it and look at them with a wide eye and say you need to look at yourself. You cannot never, ever, be but love, people can choose to be love, and know it, or denied for themselves and treat people, as they treat themselves. It is all the same.
So previously I talked about strange things that I have encountered. Here are some more. I worked for the post office center - years later that same center had the anthrax outbreak.
I went to a psychic fair not knowing that I was one, I was told that I had a connection to the Twin Towers, I had forgotten that I went to either the towers or the Empire state building in my teens because I had friends that their parents worked in New York. I also ended up working under people who were there at ground zero just a few years back.
I have so many experiences that it hard to note all of them.
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