Today, I just quit! I quit figuring out why my life just is not working and why things are not showing up. Yesterday I was given when death comes a knocking (a song). The funny part is the singer's name is my Mom's nickname and then I saw Bolo tie, which of course my Father had and I have no idea what has come of it since my Mom passing. Now something or someone is apparently dying. Who or what? and does it even matter, because it is already in the process of happening? When and where and whom? is the greater question.
Then I hear this morning the Doors - break thru to the other side. I am like what am I breaking through to? Really! How about guides just tell me where to go and I will show up. Because somewhere between Friday's cry day and being very angry, I am questioning if is it the book Roar Like a Goddess that I am reading and how I was raised or not raised to believe that I even matter in the grand scope of things. To evaluate my entire life, and what I can remember, against what I know about my extended family and their experienced and history overall. To my weekly meltdown of WTF is it that I am doing? As my emotions from one day to the next are up and down and sometimes within the same day.
To this morning I am shown a woman in dreamtime stating to her husband that she wants blue cabinets, and seeing them at a table in the kitchen and the Home Depot man off to the left and I am like why am I seeing this and what does it have to do with me. To me than seeing a situation with extended family and I am saying don't want to know or see that, I can see both ramifications of it and need to learn the lesson about self-love, to is he a Master teacher learning in a most extreme way or predatory creep and why is it that another person is allowing this to happen and is this ancestry lesson of sex is sacred and lack of parents to speak about sex in the 21st century like a dark deep secret, yet the sex in question, none of would even be here today. Unless you are injected by or with a needle.
To having to rethink my observation of shadow work and women staying away from men, because men are what, falling behind in the evolution of respecting their partner and reliving the dynamics of his or her parent's relationship of power and being submissive, dominant, or oppression and how people are failing to see the interconnection to cause and effect. That everything you do is a reflection, to effect a cause and reaction. Hence you piss someone off, cut them off in traffic or disrespect them, scream and yell at them that it not not suppose to cause a reaction, for them to get piss at you or someone else, go home tell the partner, if they listen to them at all, for them to either say your overreacting or a simple domino effect. To how all of life is connected by a simple concept and we are running around not being mindful of that fact.
Even last night before I went to bed - I live in an apartment and it absolutely amazes me that people have no idea that other people are living next door to me. One has Ocd and is opening and closing the door, the kid behind me, jumping on the floor because Mom is doing what is anyone guess, yet the child is doing this to get her attention and the other side of the apartment is jamming out by stomping on the floor. This all sounds like a very bad orchestra of drumming, so out tune that they have no idea I hear all of this and wonder how is it they think that because they're in another apartment that we are not connected to the rest of the building. And I am saying to the guides get me the hell out of this complex or I might have get a Air horn to make my point, because management will tell me that I should talk to them (did that-not pretty) and I am like I will be calling the police instead at which point the police will get annoyed over nonsense and I am back to what again. Abc or 123 there is an interrelationship of it all. It is not rocket science.
Fundamentally, it is complex and one that I also quit trying to figure out because if the greatest scientists of the past and present can't agree, why should I even attempt to explain or understand myself, when I have no idea where I am even going or doing with this information? As I watch certain people step back from making videos or even this gnawing feeling of wanting to change where I live, what job or work to do, why I encounter situation after situation, and to the fact that I am just tired of spinning in circles. To me sounds like a broken record and people projecting at me, why don't have a job and I am in my head saying do you really think that I not looking for a "real job", and what is your definition of a real job?
When people including myself are tired of being disrespected, bullied, controlled, and manipulative tactics used to get work more or pay us less, threaten us, or the treatment of people want to use to get me or another to live less than a standard of life, where we can't even afford to move. And spirituality teaches that it is belief in a lack, thereof something, and being money is everywhere and you have to be enough or get rid of lack, question where these beliefs of lack, enough and worthily come from, I am like it is a fricken program running generations of families, with limiting beliefs to it is a cosmic joke that you agreed to play. Haha isn't that funny and the middle finger raises and wtf. And why are the guides showing me stuff that has nothing to do with anything? Why do care if someone wants blue cabinets?
Is this in my future and as to why I didn't see the face or yesterday I had a vision of seeing through either my eyes or some else eye's what looked like my Mom bedroom, which of course does not exist any longer and see the dust under the mirror to dresser and stack of stuff and poles or fishing poles and why am I see through their eyes. To me remembering that I once had a conversation with someone and actually entered someone's eye - sounds strange and a little scary when I jerked myself back and realized that I entered into the eye and did he sense me doing it and if there had been a mirror, what did it look like? Why are the guides not explaining to me what is happening and why can't I find anyone to help me understand, all of this?
So for today, I am quitting! For a lack of better words to how after yesterday's post I could spend a few hours feeling blissed out without a care in the world and then someone walked by me cursing like they live in the hood and knocked me out of that feeling by a person who's thinking is that talking like that shows that lack of knowledge and more ignorance or lack respect for self. I am not disrespecting anyone if you are this person, but it does show a level of self-inquiry. And I would have not understood this unless someone confronted me regarding it myself, not my mouth but with a tag necklace that I wore because I could not confront this person who openly belittled me every day and then me working to stop doing it to myself, this was what I learned and experienced growing up. And it has been bittersweet having to rewrite programs and to understand, where this comes from and how it is passed down through multiple generations, until someone stops and looks for the causes of why things happened to you. When all is Love and no other.
So while I correcting the grammar :I got Metrodome!!!
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