So today I had to finally accept that I may never find the answers to the why things happen to me. You can call karma, thoughts or fear. But the fact remains, that all the books that I read to understanding how we create reality is from thoughts. Now most of the things that I have been through I would not wish on anyone because the pain that it has caused my heart and the effects on myself to free myself from it. As I look for the answers and it is not just about my story or wave of emotions that came with these things, that I went through, but how I could use it to help other people and I feel I failed to find a way to release it with looking at the fact that, I somehow I cause the pain to myself and through some type entanglement of karma or soul contract, I have had a pretty shitty, incredibility, interesting life, so far, because words really can't define it.
And I have sat in this pain and searched my memories for root causes of the why's. I have mentally visualization release them to water to float away, without taking physical action, which may happen after the tears stop falling. Along with releasing that fact that I may never find a work the excites me or home and get back what was lost in the process. As I sit here typing this I have no idea where or what to do next. I tired of rebuilding over, over again. My heart is not in it. The scattered pieces of my life is everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. I have surrendered, so many times that I jokingly create a white flag to wave, because I wonder where it all went so wrong.
It been 20 years and counting, if I go back to my childhood and knowing things that I really had no idea what it all meant at time. Even now when I get information I don't always know what it is for until it shows up or I have conversation with someone and then process it. As I read other people stories or listen to a You tube video, which other people don't do it. They say don't listen to what others say. I do because other people stories help me to connect the dots. I have written, along many others that it within you and that is true but because we are born into a society that does not teaches us about our abilities from the beginning, we require tools and other people. Listening requires discernment of information, much like when we went to school, which does not teach you to think or question. And we all know what happens when we did question or act out, threats of punishment, abuse or control tactics by parents or school to reinforce conformity.
The guides can only teach us so much, which when they do direct us to other avenues of knowledge. So anyone claiming to solely know without other tools is not completely truth. The truth is that we have the knowledge within us but one must seek to understand it. Which requires meditation and reflecting on that what has been given. I don't even think that any master walking now on the earth or in the past can make claims that they had all the information at any present moment.
Like much of the people doing this work and in the future it is not you wake up one day and you inherently know everything. It is process and believe that each life time builds on one and another, that we didn't just do in this life time. That we continue to progress each life time coming in to remembrance and build on what we already know within. These abilities or gifts that we have are not special they are innate and something humans are born with or have altered for us to not know how powerful we really are as a species. If you study material on any scared knowledge under suppression.
You will find that all teachers had teachers. Being both the student and teacher at the same time. Along with them also being a recluse in life, until a certain point when they step forward. If you take in the fact about templars, witch hunts a and all the burning of books, removal of artifact to include books with regards to having to repent for clearly something that being hidden from us, as our true identity and our true heritage.
If fast forward to present moment where we can't take care basic needs in anyone one country but send millions of funds to oversea to assist, while our own economies of out of control and how no one seems to realize that before a election there is a war somewhere going on, the world money systems goes spiral spin. When governments are falling us. Here I am trying to clear a person's trauma and my own and our own governments are doing what exactly, to stop the fear. I am hearing it is are belief system, which I am a where of.
I ended this because I got distracted.
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