05-03-23 I tried to locate some affirmations or I tried to figure out what I wanted to write today, but I felt like I got nothing. Which is really not true. So I will tell you something that happened. I went for an interview yesterday and one today. Yesterday the gentleman ask what people would say about me. I said I don't know and he asked why, then I said I don't ask them. I am not sure what he thought of my response. But I don't walk around asking what they think of me. My whole life I have been so many things that I am not, that I don't even consider it, any longer.
I might consider that I could have done something different, or maybe I could explain something better, or question why they did what they did. I don't know if I have ever asked anyone what their thoughts of me, are. You either like me or you don't, and that is ok. I really don't like all people. That is not said in a negative against anyone, it is just that we don't know how to be honest in an intimate conversation with ourselves and other people. It's easier to not question things because we live with these false personas of who we are without really digging into what we say or why we do the thing we do.
And this body of work is about understanding who we are on a soul. Not the parts that we play, or the masks that we wear. In my second interview, they ask me what are you looking to get paid. Now I knew what they offering and here me lowballing myself. Then I am hearing myself say why did just say that! I had to look at whether am I undervaluing myself and what is my worth. Of course, I know that I am worth more than money alone because I know that there is more to me. That no matter what kind of money, it can not buy me. But yet there is a level of confidence that comes from knowing that you are worth. I guess it is something that I need to look into deeper as to why I did what I did.
Now, if I am honest with myself there are days that I don't feel confident, and being that I had to work through a lot of trauma and still am processing it and adding to what is happening in the world events if looking at from that view, no one can completely be certain what is happening. I have had two conversations about normal or common sense. I said to both encounters that those should be deleted from the dictionary because it does not exist. Your normal is not the same as mine and if I travel to another country, their normal is not our normal. Even within the same state.
I explain this concept as if you are going to a mall, as an example, there are multiple ways to get there. Most walk around with blinders on, so their perception is limited by what they focus on. This is based on our beliefs. As children, we knew this when went to our friend's homes or grandparents, or school, etc. It was different, with different rules, and different food, different in many ways, yet similar in some. Hence why you have the friends that you do. You have similar personalities and interests. When you step out of those belief systems and the reality of what is normal, that world not is not what you thought, or believe it to be. You expand your thinking or keeping do what think is working.
One reason why I do the research that I do - I want the truth and most people don't want to know the truth, they are ok with what is. That is ok, but there are never just two sides, and that only applies to coins. This is what we have been taught that it this way or that way and there is no middle ground. Good, bad, evil, negative, wrong, right, red, blue side, male, female, etc. That all can hold truth, yet that is not what is taught, and learned. Most work from the level of perception works for them.
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